Nick Nikolov

I love to write science fiction and fantasy stories, as well as try my hand out at other genres. If you like what you read, feel free to drop by my website for some more free content.

Overall Rating
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Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

High School Crush 1 Feelings For You

Your characters are very realistic. You introduce them quickly and very well without overloading the reader with information. Very good use of physical distinguishing features and verbal ones. I never had an issue with recognizing who was speaking or thinking.

Chapter TWO needs a bit of a touch-up. Some of the sentences are much simpler than the ones used in the previous chapter. For example, you wrote: “She hated it that that he was very healthy and wealthy.”
Maybe you meant to write it like that, and I’m looking too much into it, or it’s a stylistic pet peeve, but I think the “it” can be easily removed to strengthen the sentence and the following ones that use it as well.

She hated that he was very healthy and wealthy.
Or
She hated it. He was very healthy and wealthy.

The second example, in particular, I really like because it characterizes Winifred seamlessly. This is all just a suggestion, of course. If the paragraph structure is to your liking, keep it.
Since the characters are mostly teenagers, try to avoid words like “ill”, “deteriorate”, and the like because conversational English rarely sounds like that, even if academics speak it. Simple, everyday words are fine, and they ground the character for the reader.
Some of your sentences have unnecessary prepositions, and at other places, they’re missing, so have a once-over when you can. Most people automatically correct those, but they break up the flow of your sentences and paragraphs for those that notice. For example, you wrote: “His mom was really fragile when it comes to the emotions.”
This is functionally correct, and everyone understands what you mean, but it's clunky. What might read smoother is:

His mom was really fragile, especially when it came down to emotions.
Or
His mom was really fragile when it came down to emotions.

The plot is easy to get into and engaging. I think you're doing a great job of transporting the reader to the world of a highschooler. The main characters have a clear goal, and the way they're reaching it is interesting to follow.
If you like writing, keep at it, because you don't get better only when you stop!

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Bunbun

The idea of an Indian-centered budding romance is very nice. It would provide a look into a culture that a lot of people are not familiar with, I think. That being said, it was a bit jarring to see dialogue I couldn't, personally, understand. Reader expectations could be managed a bit better on that front. The narrative voice felt a bit too personal, and by that, I mean it felt a bit like reading someone's diary. If that was your goal, great. A few of the paragraphs need reformatting to make the text tidier for readers.
Keep writing, and you'll get there.

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The Armored Wolf

The concept of wolves wearing armor is very striking and immediately grabs attention. From the sample chapters, the readers get a very good feel for Ellie's predicament and what's the big hurdle in her life. The setup is great, but as other readers have pointed out, there is a little bit too much telling going on. Saying someone is a big jerk is fine enough, but showing them acting like a jerk in several paragraphs would get much more reader engagement.

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