No published stories yet
That Ghoul Ava~ retrospect
Hello, it's a pleasure to read your work. Some thoughts about it...
The writing style is fantastic, and I finished the story under the impression of hearing it firsthand from Ava. Or as much as she can say when she switches mid-story to Sharkmouth mode. The style is immersing, and it's an impressive ability to draw in the reader to the mind of the character. I look forward to more of your works...
(But maybe some other time~ see you around ^^)
On the technical side, the work is pretty much clean in my eyes-- even the artistic license breaking every now and then. I found none that was especially jarring or blaringly obvious, and you've done your work to recheck this whole story-- even the minor mods on the font style, or the spaces were effective.
I'm charging you a star for the plot because it felt like a cliffhanger.
(Now, doesn't that sound unreasonable?)
Actually, the whole reminiscing sort of would have felt better if maybe you gave a glimpse of their current life? So many thoughts, like the fact that Ava is an undead and Lisa is not... And best friends or not, the latter will die, ad infinitum what-ifs.
It's just a bit jarring to drop off when things have just begun...
(and now I am rambling to hear more of her stories..)
I liked how this turned out, but just felt the need to add more about it. If you have no plans to extend, I would understand, just as much as I hope to convey that I felt it was a trail that led me to a cliff.
A cliff I barely noticed, and had several thoughts about wanting to jump from and delve in the possibility of bridges/ continuations and... you catch my drift.
Overall, filing this under humor/horror is fitting. The notion of turning undead and your description is detailed and lovely. The humor comes from how things just pan to turn into such shenanigans. Ava herself is effectively witty and it's lovely. Mix the other elements, and I'm looking at a work I'd love to read more of. It's certainly a break from the usual Suspense/Horror.
Thank you for sharing this story.
Off record, I will say half of the time I am the Saphris to my friends, and the other time, I am the Ean.
Anyways, wow. Fantasy/Humor-wise, this is lovely. The whole build up and shenanigans with the two, with bonus points for that introduction via destruction of potions; well done!
Curious if you are going to continue this, because what exactly was the story of their exile? What happens next after they let a dragon loose? Will Ean befriend the dragon?
Writing style is paced properly with good character and their different facets.
Just think Ean needs to be less annoying, but I dare say he made a good enough impression to me.
Nice nice ^^
No badges received yet