Loved the idea
The notion that the quagga is still out there, confounding anyone who came in contact with it, would be a great triumph of nature. The story is purposely vague, I guess, because of the humans' befuddlement, but it would have been good to include some details of the settingsRead the story now
First I like the contrast of the serene cover with the violent subject. The description of the stranger made one think first that he was a pacifist, like we've seen in other stories and the reveal that that wasn't the case, he was spoiling for the fight was a great twist.Read the story now
An interesting story with no explanation,? Where did the mirror come from? Why was he shunned by everyone? Was he cruel or uninteresting? Was he extremely handsome? But it's appropriate, since that's how we go through life, with no explanations.. This was a great time period to write about that for others was so exciting but devastating to the stars of the dying industry who couldn't make the transition.Read the story now
I like the way you built the suspense for what could James be planning, with a little personal history and his ongoing thoughts that it would be epic.
Hard to believe that no one ever thought of that trick, particularly Slytherins, or that it hadn't already been addressed in snitch development, but, as someone wrote, it will be now.
The settings are created with such detail and wonderful phrasing--anorexic trees leaning askew, lingering lime fog. Beautiful.
I think there might be too many adverbs, especially when they're used in succession.
Plot wise, I think it's really clever that the girl who is somehow a key to a fish talisman and even named Fischer, has a natural enemy in a bird.
The family in the neighborhood is very suspicious and curious to see how Aspen ties in with the women in the first scene.
Good luck in the contest. I'm so far impressed.
Sexy Batman in a Gender Bender!
A great story. It's interesting that Bruce recognized the skills Cameron had before he actually met her and became just a little obsessed with her. No wonder you have such a loyal following on fanfic.net.
I really like the continuing themes. Valerie can't rely on someone else so she has to act, one way or another. Also the idea that Valerie learned from Jason that has both helped and hindered her, that everything works out the way it's supposed to.
Your phrasing to describe the backseat action was so passionate. I love the line about treading in uncharted waters with a map of blankness. Such florid words add to the intense experience.
Sad that she and Bruce are so jaded that they don't think they deserve anything in life but sex and for him, very little of that.
Love Alfred so much and it's obvious you do too. It's great that Bruce wondered if he would ever give up on him, echoing the exchange in the movie, when Alfred assures him, "Nevah."
A touching ending. Bruce and Valerie aren't quite sane maybe, but they're better together than alone. And if one has to settle into a routine, there are worse places than a gothic mansion with a hot host.
Historical skulk, rather than romp
Fitting ending for The Black Dog, horrible man. I like the idea of Tyburn as an Elizabethan investigator, enough to check for the book on Amazon, though I wonder about your using both his name and the location. It can't help but confuse and I noticed at least one place where the town or village didn't get the 'e' at the end.
While I agree that footnotes aren't typical in fiction, that's partly because in a novel, there would be more context and possibly repetition of certain phrases and words to help us with the meaning. With an excerpt, it's better to provide us with the information.
This was a charming story. I love the period tone in which it was written. It reminded me of a silly, madcap old movie that Cary Grant might have starred in. The confusion of the parents is especially hilarious...and perfectly understandable.Read the story now
Bittersweet story for which I can find very little fault. The canon references were seamlessly woven into a very different story. It's one that could easily be converted to original fiction with just a few name changes.
I see that you mention Peeta didn't see combat in the Pacific because it ended in the middle of August. That's the only indication of the time that he was with Katniss, other than that the lake was freezing. The statements might not be compatible. You might want to change one or the other, perhaps saying that the lake was cold, despite it being in the summer.
It doesn't give too much away and I'd already guessed that Henry was his son anyway.
Gorgeous lake picture.
I like that the chapters are divided by color. Haven't seen that done before.
-"They were an usual couple," the man says- One typo to correct from the first chapter. I think you meant for that to be unusual.
Nice back and forth between Katniss and Peeta's narrations. I hope they're the only two. Sometimes a story can get bogged down with too many POVs.
I' curious to learn what's the magic of the combs.