pfin13

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I like where you're going

I think that you have an interesting start to your story and it's tough to review when I want to hear more. I'll take a look at some of your other stories.

My feedback for this chapter is that you need to add more physical description- it's tough for me to picture the setting.

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Strong idea

I like the concept and am excited to read more as you write more. My advice would be to move away from the information giving in the prologue and birth sequence and continue with the interesting character you’ve created.

Hope that you can return the favor and review my book too!

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Strong Chapter One

I think that the strength of the beginning is your chapter one- a character we are interested in and a slow reveal of character. This hooked me.

I would actually recommend scrapping the Prologue- feels like an info dump (the blurb too in a way). I think your writing is stronger when it's the actual story.

Looking forward to more!

Hope that you can return the favor...

https://www.inkitt.com/stories/scifi/239504?utm_source=share_author

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Dialogue feedback

I like what I've read so far- believable characters in a believable setting. The dialogue also rings true and helps reveal character- but it would be stronger if you mixed in your physical descriptions with the dialogue in a more natural way.

Also, small feedback- more towards more pronouns especially in Chapter One (Liam...).

Can you return the favor?

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Great start

I really like the teasers planted... it leaves the reader wanting to know more and I look forward to hearing more about "exhuman". The beginning is an interesting way to tell the story and creative, but I would love to be grounded in more details of the setting- the words by the speaker are powerful and interesting, but I need more grounding to begin the story.

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More work needed

Too many of the sentences are written the same way. Many began or focus on the pronoun "I". If you work to clean up and vary sentence structure, there would be more feedback to give.

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