Corey Cole

Very Interesting

The story starts off great. Straight on action and at point. You did great with that one. I love books with fantasy elements and a lot of action. I do have a few criticisms though. I believe the grammar can be improved. There were some punctuation that you’ve missed (like commas after dependent clause in the first part of the sentence) but those could easily be corrected. Also, you did good with show vs. tell but I believe the dialogue can be improved. Add some dialogue tags. I’m stopped at the second chapter so this is coming from what I’ve read so far. Dialogue tags (like “Billy yelled” or “Nyla cried) can help the reader understand the characters interactions (basically, who’s saying the quote.)
You don’t have to do this with all the dialogue though.

I really think you’re story will be great. Maybe you can even publish it one day. It just needs a little fixer upper. My favorite parts was the fight where Alexandre was fighting the demon. It was nice of Nyla to bring food to Billy( I believe that was his name)

If you find some parts of this review to be misunderstood, please correct me. These are just some tips to help improve your writing.

Keep up the good work! Can’t wait for more:)

Very Tragic

The story starts off on an excellent start. The story is very emotional and I can’t imagine the feeling of being stabbed in the chest. The plot is very good and I feel like this story is going to be a great one! Keep up the good work!

Very Hooking

This is a really publishable book. The writing style is great and I like how you describe each character because I can picture it in my head and it sounds like I’m watching a movie instead of reading a book! So five stars! Keep up the good work!!!!😊

Structure is Fantastic

I loved how he gives specific details about Toby’s personality and description. It really inspires me to do better in my stories. The whole plot is amazing. By reading the story, I can tell this falls under the science fiction/fantasy category and I love those books. This is one I’ll read everyday. Keep up the good writing!!!!!😊