Queenie Maud

I'm Queenie Maud, a writer for YA. Other than that, I like traveling, reading enticing stories, and tea.

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Intriguing plot. Details need some work.

I read the first few chapters, in Henry's POV. Of the three chapters I read, chapter 1 was the strongest.

I find the plot extremely interesting, especially given that there is a flashback to how Henry and Viola used to be and how they met. The premise makes the reader want to know more about the characters and their relation to the present-day conflict (as well as what happened in the past). The plot and the movement of the plot serves the story idea well.

That said, description and writing style do not match what they could in order to serve the plot. For example, while there are details present, it would be more interesting to physicalize the characters' inner thoughts and emotions rather than telling about them. Henry talks about not wanting to be controlled, but describing that (showing that) rather than telling that would intrigue readers more to Henry's psyche. When Henry throws his phone against the wall (twice!), it is already clear to the reader that he is feeling some type of way related to his parents. Hearing his narration of "I don't want to be controlled" doesn't add anything to that. Instead, how does Henry feel after he throws his phone? How does his body react? (For example, he's breathing heavily, his head hurts, he wants to cry, etc.) This will also help with characterization, as I felt Henry's characterization lacked compared to Viola's (from the first chapter and from her note from the car accident, etc.), as well as Henry's friends lacking major defining characteristics.

Overall, the story has great potential. Chapter 1 hooked me immediately, and to have the flashback chapters follow the same gripping nature as chapter 1 would make the flashbacks themselves way more intriguing. I encourage you to keep going! The plot drives the story, and I believe you can make a great romantic, mystery, thriller, whatever-you-please book out of it!

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