This is an engrossing story CETurner.. I was wondering why you had it all compressed into very long paragraphs. I noticed missing punctuation marks too. Your story is quite a fascinating one which keeps the reader engaged very well. It just needs a bit of restructuring where the paragraphs are concerned to make it a little more presentable.I think it will make a great movie. You should submit it to Screencraft.Read the story now
The thing about writing poetry is that you can make the world go round with it. I love poetry and the magic it generates when inspiration comes knocking on my door. This is such a celebratory poem much like Christmas. Keep writing because your enthusiasm shines through your writing - shobanaRead the story now
The Love Story Of Greg And Ally
I loved that it was such a lighthearted story that gave me a chance to delve into a fairy tale. I loved the happily ever after feeling at the end. It is a lovely story Laraine and keep writing because your enthusiasm shines through your writing - shobanaRead the story now
The story had me visualizing how tradition sometimes stand in the way of love especially where Indian families are concerned. It is told in a very interesting manner and keeps the readers engaged till the end. There is an omission in a sentence in Chapter 11 when Biju asks Renu "Are you with child?' I think the word "with" was erroneously omitted. It is a well written story. Good luck to you in the contest - shobanaRead the story now
An Intriguing Read
Hadley, Your story had a interesting story line. I believe that it had quite a creative and imaginative quality to it as well. You managed to express disappointments and yearnings well, making the reader feel the emotions you were portraying.You would have to check on some of the spellings which you had overlooked like for instance in your Blurb - "two was spelled as tow" and a couple of others, throughout the rest of the chapters. There are a few grammatical errors as well. But overall I found it good. Good Luck with your entry and thank you once again for the feedback on mine :)Read the story now
Keep Your Promises
Generally the story line was good and even quite compelling in certain instances. You have so much potential and it is a great plus point that you have written a book at your age. There have been quite a few grammar and spelling errors. A few of the paragraphs were quite repetitive as well.
Keep writing and just as I have learnt in the writing arena, there is always room for improvement!
Ladies Close Your Eyes
Overall I found myself imagining the scenes described so vividly and with clarity while reading the book and could picture them as it were.
There was certainly a lot of creativity in the writing with the right element of keeping the interest of the reader intact.
I liked that it came with a song as well as it built up the suspense to the story. Makes a good story line for a book.