Overall Rating
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Promising Concept, Needs Refining

I want to state for the record that I mean none of this personally, I just want to provide the most accurate critique that I can so that I can help you improve and refine your writing for the future.
If I state the positives first and then the negatives, it feels like I'm undermining the positives--so let's actually start with the negatives first, so we can finish with the positives.
-Poor technical writing (grammar, punctuation, etc.) makes blocks of prose difficult to parse and properly understand at times.
-No worldbuilding whatsoever, setting is confusing and difficult to grasp from the get-go.
-Characters are given very flat descriptions--or sometimes no descriptions at all.
-Prose is bunched up in certain places to the point it feels like a giant wall of text, which is difficult on the eyes.
-Seems to be a solid idea for a world and setting here, just needs to be expanded on and set up properly.
-Solid grasp of what characters are supposed to look like is demonstrated, just not communicated well enough to the reader from the author's imagination.
-Potential to write interesting interactions between characters with sets of abilities that seem varied.

Overall, my biggest takeaway is that you seem to have imagined something really grand and involved here--it just got a bit lost and confused on its way out. If you take this back to the drawing board a little, I'm sure you could improve on the introduction to the story and characters and really get the reader hooked and engaged with the setting from the beginning.
I like the attempt at an in-medias-res opening, with the main character giving birth, but there are lines that seem to imply the reader should know more about this world and these people than is realistically possible with the information provided.
Take a step back and remember that the reader knows nothing about this place or these people, even if you know everything there is to know about them--try to account for a complete outsider's perspective.
I know you can make something great out of this, it just needs a little more refining!

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