I like what I've read so far. From a story standpoint, yours is quite original all while having just enough familiarity. It's exciting and you write action-packed, exciting scenes really well. I love how you're able to keep the energy going through a scene. As far as writing, I'd suggest this: sometimes, you need to say 'the sound of,' you can just say the sound. So take a sentence like this: "I heard the sound of sticks crunching beneath my feet." Another way of saying it would be something like: "sticks crunched beneath my boots." As a writer, you still get the description and make the reader feel the sense you're trying to convey (in this case, hearing). Overall though, pretty cool!! Care to check out my novel, 'Stop. Start. Hesitate'?
Read the story now