Together We Burn

“Maybe we will find a mate tonight!” Angela squeals as she rolls across my bed while I busy myself tossing everything I own around her. We’re preparing to go to a fairly new club in the nearby border town. It’s in a section between our pack and a neighboring one. A sort of all-wolf land.

“You say that every time we go out to a new place,” I tell her, holding up a dress for her to shake her head at.

“Well, a girl can dream!”

“Stop dreaming for me,” I tell her flatly. “I’m not interested.” I’m really not.

“You say that now, but when you meet them-“

“NO,” I cut her off harshly, causing her to flinch, “I will not put my position as alpha in jeopardy and spend another 60 years having our women looked down on as less by the males. Even if I did find a mate, I would refuse him.”

Angela looks at me in shock and I roll my eyes. “You really mean that?” She asks.

“I told you this ages ago.”

If anyone knows my stance on this topic, it’s Angela. Angela is my beta.

Mate. Even the idea of it rolls through my head with disgust. No, thank you.

“Well, yeah, but….we grew up. Things change as we grow.. We used to daydream together about the house, the husband, and the pups.” She has kind of a far away look in her eyes as if she is picturing what she desires.

“No,” I say on an exhale, “you dreamed of those things. I listened.”

She looks at me, obviously confused, before her eyes do that thing that indicates she is contemplating this information. She nods slowly as if a puzzle piece in the mystery is slowly sliding into place and, like a lightbulb had lit up when it finally snapped into its location, her eyes grow wide.

“Wow,” she says, her head beginning to slowly nod again. “You’re right. It was all me.”

I purse my lips and nod, looking around the room.

Given the history of my family’s ancestral tree, nobody could blame me for refusing to take on a mate. The curse ends with me.

I am the first in line to make it to my position. I am the first female alpha of the Tourmaline Wolf Pack. Though I am the first female, I am not the first called. Generations of women have been called to serve the Tourmalines as alpha and generations of women have passed the honor on to their mates.

Every generation of Tourmaline wolves has had only one child born into the alpha line. Each generation was blessed with a female born into the line of succession since the founding alpha died. The story goes that since their only child was a daughter, he had appointed his wife as successor, but only as Luna-Mother, with an advisor panel, believing she should bare a son with a new mate who would one day serve. Many, including myself, believe the undervaluing of the first born daughter for the alpha position led to a curse on the pack. He believed his wife’s heritage as the daughter of a Luna would make her pups with another man strong enough to serve but not his own daughter, because she was a daughter. Either their daughter would find an alpha to lead, or his wife would give birth to one.

Like every other couple in the line, his wife never bore another child.

Her daughter was posed as alpha but mated before initiation. This trend continued for hundreds of years. It was obvious long ago that the spirits had determined the Tourmalines either needed a female alpha or they needed a strong woman to serve along a mate she brought in. No males have ever been born to the alpha line. Not a single one.

The line, and hopefully the curse, will die with me.

I will never mate. I will never marry.

I will never relinquish my pack to another. With the continued overturn of female alphas in our pack, women have begun to be looked down on as weak, with a need to submit. My father died 3 years ago, when I was 25. My mother followed shortly after with a broken heart. I subsequently took his position as alpha and was challenged twice. In the challenge, I killed them both before blinking once. I will change the tides of the fate of women in my pack. We will do better. We will go forward stronger.

My previous leadership team did not approve. My beta, however, was thrilled. Angela. The beta of my pack is also female. That’s not a trend of our pack, it’s just how things happened. She is the daughter of my father’s beta. While I could have picked anyone, when it swiftly became clear that the leadership team of my father’s reign was inappropriate for myself, I chose to hold a contest in order to smoke out the strongest candidate. I wanted to show my pack that men and women were equals. That worked fabulously. Angela nailed all 5 rounds of the Beta Games.

She outranked all her male challengers. We set an age limit of 19-40. We wanted to optimize the time my beta could serve by my side.

Angela is also my best friend. She trained with me growing up, so I wasn’t surprised at all when she rose victorious.

“But, what if you do meet your mate?” Angela asks as she holds up a shirt she has already rejected as if different lighting can make her change her mind.

“I don’t know,” I say with a shrug. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, “I’ve tried to consider that but I just don’t know. I think I would just grant him the freedom to be with whoever he wanted.”

“Mate-bonds don’t work like that.” Angela says flatly.

“How would you know?”

“Because it’s all anyone ever talks about for the first year after finding their mate,” Angela responds with a sassy eyebrow raise.

“Whatever,” I say. “Those people probably are just out there looking for their mate so it hits them extra hard. I’m not looking, and I don’t want one. Fate will surely take that into consideration and grant me a mate who feels the same so we will both be able to just walk away.”

I’m full of crap.

Absolutely full of crap.

The reality is that I don’t typically go to unfamiliar places or big events because I am straight up terrified that I will find a mate. I am making an exception tonight because it’s Katie’s birthday and she has been wanting to try this new club out.

I pull on a pair of tight blue jeans and a white tank top and hold out my hands, asking for approval.

“You’re kidding, right?” She scoffs.

“Well, you rejected everything else,” I say.

“I have the thing you need.” She says, rolling off the bed. “Leave the tank on. Lose the jeans,” she adds, while leaving the room. I strip out of my jeans while I wait and start to hang back up my clothing.

She comes back a few minutes later with a red mini skirt. “Wear this with the tank top” she says, handing it over.

I grimace but nod my head and pull on the skirt, twirling around in the mirror to see the angles.

“Okay,” I say, feeling better about it now that it’s on me, “I concede. This is hot.”

I might not want a mate but that doesn’t mean I don’t like attention. I am a virgin because wolf tradition is that we don’t take others for sex unless they are our mates. That doesn’t mean I haven’t fooled around. I’m straight, but I have even fooled around with Angela one drunken night in college. We were once quite fond of that memory. It really got us the attention we craved when we told it at parties back in our “wild oats” days.

Angela, in her black stilettos, black mini skirt and loose see-through red tulle shirt with puffy baseball-length sleeves and black lace bra underneath, leads us down to the packhorse entryway where we are greeted with squeals from our other girlfriends, Katie and Joy, as well as Joy’s mate, Joey.

The name thing is not lost on us.

“Damn, you two look hot,” Katie said. We smile and grab each other’s hands before jointly doing a twirl.

“Have you two looked in mirrors?” I ask, noticing the smirk on Joey’s face as he looks at Joy, agreeing. “You two look like you’ll set the place on fire if we don’t keep you filled with cold drinks.” I give Katie a hug and whisper “Happy Birthday” in her ear.

“Nobody will be able to keep their eyes off this fine looking bunch,” Joy says, reaching out and giving me a hug.

“Maybe even their hands,” Angela chimes in with an eyebrow wag.

Joey’s face immediately falls and his eyes grow wide. He obviously has not thought this through.

“Maybe we should stay home.” Joey suggests. “Or maybe we can go home and find you some jeans,” He adds.

“Or, maybe you should remember it’s your bed I return to and not be so jealous,” Joy says back.

We laugh as we head out the door to our cars; four women in outfits that leave little to the imagination and one brooding man trying to keep it together.