Zodiac
My life has not been kind to me. In pursuits of Love, Romance, and Happiness, it’s been bad.
Case in point: My first crush, Elle. Really kind, sporty, you know, typical tomboy. She was my best friend, and I was an “honorary girl” in her friend group. (Looking back, that was a sign). 6th grade, P.E., I decided to tell her I had a crush on her.
“Oh cool, but I’m gay.”
“I thought I was one of the girls”
“Yeah, but you’re not a girl.”
“Oh OK.”
Looking back, that hurting so much was probably another sign.
Not enough? In eighth grade, I went to every soccer match, because I had a big crush on their star player. He was really hot, really mean. I ended up confessing my feelings to him. His response? “Do I look like a F*G”
“I’m a girl” was all I could muster to say
“Yeah, and I’m an apache attack helicopter, you’re a dude, face it.”
“You’re a dick, face it.”
The soccer ball that hit my face left me with a fear of soccer balls to this day. When I told Elle, she went to beat that guy up. That was the moment I realized I was still in love with her.
Of course, in Freshman Year, I confessed to her.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Oh. How?”
“You told me in 6th grade.”
“You remember?”
“Do I not remember coming out to my best friend? I had a crush on you since you came out honestly, but I thought you were straight.”
“Oh.”
“If you asked me out sooner, maybe we would’ve gotten together, but Allison asked me out yesterday.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah. Should have asked me out sooner.”
“Odin Damn it.”Two years later, Junior Year is about to start. I really want to get a partner this year, I’m the only one of my friends that is single. It sucks. Of course, there’s one problem.
NO ONE SITS NEAR ME! Seriously, in Homeroom, our desks are arranged into tables of four. Mine has just me.
“Jackson Hayes”ODIN DAMN IT! I explained this to the teacher at Meet the Teacher. Something I go to to get my schedule, and syllabi, and to inform my teachers that I am TRANS and that they should get my name right.
“It’s Jackie,” I say. Of course, everyone now knows I am trans. Yay! Not that they didn’t know.
“Young man! I do not appreciate that tone.” Seriously Mrs. Horton
“IF you look at the gender section of the attendance software, you’ll see that I am a girl. Additionally, if you look at the notes, it’ll say that I go by Jackie.”
“My apologies. Young Lady! I do not appreciate that tone.”
“Sorry!.”
Yay, what could be better than turning Attendance, something that should take a few seconds for each person, into a big deal? After Mrs. Horton finishes taking attendance, we start going right into U.S. History! I love having my worst class right when I wake up!
Somewhere into Mrs. Horton’s speech on something. I don’t quite remember what. Something about the AP exam, there’s a knock on the door. Mrs. Horton opens the door, and a really hot guy walks in.
Okay, I have three things that make guys hot. Tall, because I have height dysphoria, so tall people make me feel short. Clean Shaven, It’s a personal thing, but I don’t like stubble kisses or beard kisses. They itch, so an Ideal Hot guy wouldn’t have them. And finally, Blonde or Dyed hair. I don’t know why, but those make guys way hotter. Curly Hair is a plus too.
This guy checks all the boxes. He looks to be 6’2”. I’m 5’7”, so that’s a pretty big gap. He’s clean-shaven, and he’s blonde with curly hair! He’s so hot!
ODIN! NO! YOU BETTER GO AWAY! NOT YOU! Safe to say, I am definitely attracted to him. My body is too.
I keep staring at him. He’s really hot, he’s wearing a black shirt with a zodiac sign. Cancer I think
NO! NO! NO! Seriously. Either he’s really into astrology, or really into Homestuck. Both suck.
What surprised me the most about him, however, was that he sat right next to me. There were many other seats available, so I’m confused as to why he sat next to me.
“Hi, I’m Tye, nice to meet you”. OH my odin that is the dorkiest way he could have introduced himself to me. Seriously, is there a dorkier way to introduce yourself to someone?
“HI..! I’m uh... JAckie!” Yes, There is, and I just did it, voice crack and everything. If this was an anime, my face would be bright red. I’d also probably have pink hair, which I don’t. I wish I did though.
“Hey, Jackie, so, umm, what did I miss?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention.”
“OH, ok. Cool, So. Umm.”
Oh my Odin, is he stuttering? No! Why does everything he does make him hotter to me?
“Yeah.”
This is the most awkward conversation I’ve ever had. I’m twirling my hair I’m so nervous.
“I didn’t ask anything.”
“Oh. Yeah. Umm. What’s the shirt for?”
“Umm. It’s a shirt. I have to wear one to go to school.”
“Oh yeah! That makes sense.”
NO, IT DOESN’T!
I just shut my mouth and stayed there not listening to the teacher at all.
I’m definitely getting an F in APUSH. I need to figure something out, and I need to call a Girls Meeting
