Sonnets and Sunflowers

It is a Saturday night, following a Park sibling party, the house is full, still a little chaotic despite the hour. Sam is washing her makeup off when the phone in the bathroom rings (the residence is large enough that most of the personal living areas have landlines connecting to one another, an old feature of the house)

“Hi” she answers softly, knowing who is on the other end, few others call this phone and certainly not at this hour.

“What are you doing?” Casey asks, she can picture him in his dark, richly decorated room next to the fireplace, his best friend passed out in his bed draped over the sorority girl of the night.

“Just washing up before bed, how was your night? Seemed to be going well”

“Same as always really. Can I join you?”

Peeking through the doorway, Sam can hear the tv playing the third episode of the bachelor but no talking or giggling. “That’s fine, the girls seem to be asleep.”

“See you in five,” Casey says hanging up the old brass phone on his side table.

There’s some commotion in the hall. The Parks have some house staff that live in the east wing of the residence. Sam opens the hall door from the suite and sees Susie and her young son Danny are on their way out in a bit of a rush. Grant, her husband and the Park’s chef, is standing in the doorway ushering them out the hall with suitcases in hand. Seeing Sam poking her head out he dismisses the situation,

“Everyone is fine, Danny’s just been up with a cough most nights, going to get things checked out.”

Sam nods and closes the door walking back to the bathroom. She makes a mental note to check in with Grant in a couple days.

The shower is on and she can see Casey’s trim frame through the fog on the glass. For most this would be a sexually charged situation. It’s not that she doesn’t enjoy the view, but for them, it’s not about the sex. Sam opens the shower door and walks in behind him, grabbing a shampoo bar from the wall and massaging it into Casey’s hair. It’s sensual on a level Sam has never experienced with someone else, but in a way that is beyond sex or lust or anything controlled by hormones. To care for someone else in such an intimate manner fills Sam’s brain with serotonin.

Casey turns around and kisses her on the forehead leaning against her, his hard muscles against her giving flesh. This elevates her mood to a level of wholeness, the connection is spiritual, two parts of one soul completing one another. She continues massaging his head and neck while he leans his hands against the wall of the shower behind her, not pressing her against it, supporting himself enough that they are barely touching, the warm water from heads on either end of the shower slipping between them.

Casey slips a hand up the back of Sam’s neck and into her hair. Dropping her hands to his chest, she looks up at him. Her eyes are soft hazel, her lips perfectly plump, without a drop of makeup on he finds her more attractive than any of the girls begging for his attention on any given night such as this. There’s a look of understanding that he has with no one else in his life, ‘it’s ok to be fragile’ the looks says. ‘It’s ok to feel’ ‘I’m here for you no matter what’ She doesn’t say anything. Casey appreciates this, that she doesn’t push him or lecture him. He loves her for it though he’s never admit it outside of his own head. He knows she feels it, but speaking it makes what they have another thing he will lose. His family expects a match good enough for headlines, not a romance.

At 23 they aren’t exactly in a place in their lives to be preparing for marriage, but he knows in the next few years these moments will get harder as his parents insist he give up his ‘playboy’ ways. There have been less than subtle hints at the last few family dinners about him finishing his schooling, settling in.

The world sees the young man who has it all and flaunts it, without looking at the details to see that he is a bystander in the reputation of his life. There may be two dozen or so college kids strung about the Park residence tonight between Casey and Ashley’s friends and acquaintances, but both siblings are quite reserved compared to their parents. Ashley holding up in the east wing with Cara and Sam from 12pm on, and Casey slowly sipping his bourbon he never refills until the last party goer crashes.

Looking at her now, seeing her mood radiate off her, her warmth equal to that of the spray of the shower, he’s never understood why Sam has let him go on so long. Existing in middle of the night calls and the few hours between school and whatever cut them short. Sam kisses him on the cheek and pushes him beneath one of the shower heads to rinse his hair. As he does, he watches her wet her own rich, brown hair, darkening beneath the raining water. He takes the opportunity to gaze at her body while she has her eyes closed, watching the supple bounce of her breasts as she moves her hands through her long hair, the curves of her thick figure forming a perfect hourglass, the way her bronze skin glistens. He feels his body reacting to his desire to reach for her and quickly turns around into the stream of the shower.

Sam absorbs the heat of the the water like a lizard on a rock. She loves the rain shower heads in all the Park’s bathrooms, and the fact that she never runs out of hot water. The space is good, she gets too comfortable sometimes with Casey and worries she may overstep the unwritten rule they try to maintain about not being sexual with one another. She works very hard not to overstep this boundary, not just for fear of ruining what they have but by cheapening it to the same level as the dalliances they each have to fulfill their physical needs. After washing her hair, Sam opens her eyes to see Casey’s back to her, head down, water running across his neck. The triangle that forms from his shoulders to waist and leads to his perfect ass is a sight in and of itself. She can tell something is particularly heavy tonight but knows he opens up best when he initiates the conversation so she says nothing, just closes the gap between them and wraps her arms up below his resting her hands on his chest.

“Can you hand me my sponge?” Sam whispers into his back.

Casey rests one hand against hers and reaches for her sea sponge on the hook in the corner. He lets go of her and grabs a bar of soap beginning to lather it up. Turning towards her he gently massages the sponge against her collar bone, slowly moving down her chest and around each breast, her nipples perk as he runs over them with his thumb while the sponge moves across. He’s always pushed the boundaries of their chemistry. He works the sponge down her torso and around to her back. As he reaches her full and perky ass she feels him stiffen against her stomach. Every inch of her is dying to give into her hormones and reach for it, to finally claim him, but she stalls. She loves the sensuality of these showers with him, the all but visible sparks between them. She doesn’t want to lose them. She ignores it, but kisses his chest and reaches behind her to take the sponge from him and repay the favor. Her body is on fire as she traces his back and the rippling muscles of his stomach. Casey’s eyes are closed but open in a jolt as Sam brings the sponge below his hips, brushing the base of his arousal. She looks at him doe eyed,continuing to move south slowly towards the top of his thigh. With other men she is often very forward but she’s always let Casey set the pace for them. His hand reaches for hers, setting the sponge aside while the other pulls her against him. His erection presses into her abdomen folding upward between them. Sam buries her face in Casey’s chest, feeling his heart race. They hold one another until he softens, then step out and into the foggy bathroom.

As Casey steps out of the shower his head is swirling. The past couple years have been increasingly more difficult to subdue the physical reactions he has to these situations with Sam. He wants to act on them, wants nothing more than to slam her against the shower wall and fuck her till she sees stars. All his primal, less gentlemanly urges drag the back of his brain as he dries off, attempting to slow his heartbeat and control his breathing without Sam noticing. He knows he should give this up, he could never live with himself if he hurt her, but he can’t imagine feeling this way about someone else. The thought of truly being in a relationship with someone else, sharing these kind of moments, makes his stomach churn.

Sam stays silent as they towel off, she’s dried, wrapped in her towel and brushing her hair before Casey even looks up at her. She can see on his face that he’s working through things. Normally she doesn’t like to assume she would be the focus of his concentration, Sam knows she’s as important to him as he is to her, but not the center of his world. He has a multitude of pressures from his family. Today seems different though, she tries to figure out how to say something to break the now awkward silence as the shower is no longer an excuse not to speak.

“I had an interview yesterday. Casey finally says.

“Oh” Sam replies, unsure how that’s the only thing he has to say “with whom?”

“Cambridge.” Casey replied.

The silence, the pause that followed one word, ripped into Casey’s chest. He wasn’t sure when to tell her; how she’d react. He’d stayed nearby for undergrad attending Brown while Sam went to Saint Joseph School of Nursing. They’d each had their own college experiences, but they were always close enough for comfort, a comfort that now confirmed, he had always assumed was fairly mutual.

“Um,” Sam began, unsure where to start as her emotions entangled in the logic of knowing Casey isn’t hers. “I’m sure your dad must be excited by that.”

She looks down at her brush, fidgeting with the bristles. She strokes her hair a couple times before looking into the mirror.

“Did it go well? When will you find out?” She gets out with a soft smile, hoping she can make it through till morning without breaking down at the thought of losing him. She’s spent years telling herself she’s his security blanket but she’s less invested, that she doesn’t need him. In this moment she can’t keep that wall up. If he gets that far out of his family’s reach, he won’t come back.

“It did I think, their program seems like a perfect fit.” Casey replies. “But hey, you never know. They probably have 100 applicants before me. Maybe you’ll be stuck with me after all.” He smirks and reaches for her, taking her elbow with one hand and setting the brush on the counter with the other.

“Hey” he lifts Sam’s chin toward him with a finger, brushing some stray strands of hair away.

She looks at him with her caring, nurturing eyes. He can read her better than she likes to think. He knows her feelings are as strong as his own, yet until this moment, his decision to move hadn’t factored them in. Sam was such a constant he didn’t… he pulls her into the bedroom and sits on the bench at the end of the bed.

Sam sees it hit him, the same train of thought she’s on. ‘Stay strong a little while longer’ she says to herself, and pulls a pillow from the bench to sit on the floor between his legs. She leans her head against his thigh and holds onto it with her left hand, tracing her right around the runes of his shin tattoo. Staring into the fireplace, she thinks of all the nights they’ve sat like this. Talking out his family drama, working through her concerns about scholarships. Sharing the parts of themselves the rest of the world doesn’t get to see.

“It’ll be good for you. To be that far away from the family.” Sam says, turning to look up at him, hoping he can fill in her loss of words.

“It’ll just be a few years,” Casey replies, brushing her cheek. “and who knows they might not even accept me.”

Sam lifts herself onto her knees, leans in to kiss him. She doesn’t hold back, Casey accepts passionately. He pulls her up with a hand to the back of her head. She places her hands on his chest, sucks in a full breath, committing his smell in this moment to memory. Then she pushes him away slightly.

“Casey,” she shakes her head.

“Not now, not yet.” He says and pulls her back toward him.

Casey kisses her temple, then her cheek, her collar bone. He tugs at the towel with a finger between her breasts dropping it to the floor. Then lifts her onto the bed. She scoots back into the pillows as he drops his own towel and climbs onto the bed over her. He knows he’s putting them in a situation they likely won’t be able to pull back from, a place they’ve gracefully edged for years but his emotions are too involved in this moment and his instincts are telling him lying intertwined until she falls asleep won’t be enough this time.

He sees her breathing sharpen as he leans closer, caressing her curves with just a few fingers.

Sam closes her eyes and lets out a long breath. When she opens them again as his hand dips under her ass pushing her leg up a little more, his face is so close she can feel his breath, smell it’s sweet scent. It’s been a while, a year or more maybe, since they were this sexually intimate. Her mind knows these sessions leave her down for weeks following, but her body and heart need it. The need to feel close, to feel his emotions through passionate touch. She arches up enough to diminish the remaining space between them, and kisses him again inviting him to take it further. There’s a hunger in response to her lips, Casey slips an arm behind her back drawing her closer still, like they could fuse together from need of one another. Sam wraps a leg around his waist drawing them both down into the pillows. He groans against her mouth and reaches down to grab her ass, the forcefulness sending a wave of heated desire through her.

She aches between her legs, craves to fill the need growing there. As if reading her mind, Casey slips a hand down. He starts at her knee tucked up beside him, slowly pushing her leg out to the side as he draws his hand up her thigh until his fingers find her wet and yearning. Her head falls back as he begins massaging her pleasure.

Casey is on fire as he slides his fingers into her wetness. His own pleasure straining for release against her other thigh. He takes in a deep controlling breath to steady himself. He wants to put her first tonight. Speeding up his pace on her clit, he kisses her again while rubbing his other thumb across her dark, beautiful nipple. It perks at the stimulation and he squeezes her breast before moving down to lick his tongue across it. Sam arches into him and grabs a fistful of the comforter panting. He feels her grow wetter and as he sucks her nipple into his mouth he inserts two fingers inside her wanting to feel her release in his hand. His thumb continues rubbing as he deepens into her and pulls his fingers against her wall, flicking them back and forth there. Sam squirms a little before settling into his hand. Her breathing increasing, light moans slipping out as her body tenses before he feels the rush of her climax flow into his hand. He grins at her slowly pulling his fingers out, rubbing them across her to see her shake in the aftermath.

Casey kisses her neck and continues massaging her breast with a firm hunger. His kisses trail upward as he positions himself between her legs, ensuring his arousal brushes against her sensitive wetness. She lifts her hands to his cheeks and pulls him onto her, rolling her hips against him while kissing him with an intensity she doesn’t normally show. He lifts up a little to look at her. Sam smiles in a mixture of sweetness and sultry play.

Pushing Casey up further, Sam rolls them over giving her the vantage point. She kisses him with a nip to the lip at the end and shows him a flash of her more devilish side, bringing a hand between them to rub the tip of his near bursting cock against her clit. A small moan slips her lips. Casey smiles back an excited and surprised grin. She doesn’t usually take what she wants with him, she likes to just be what he needs. Tonight she has needs of her own, to be close with him, to release the sexual tension between them. Continuing her tease, she caresses the tip of his erection, wiping away the bead leaking there. With two more strokes Casey was growling with pleasure. He sits up grabbing the back of Sam’s head and crushing her lips to his. She rubs his erection against her, grinding into it. She slips the head down further slipping it into her just enough to make a suggestion.

Casey freezes. He pulls away to look at her, to confirm this isn’t just another point of teasing. He asks with his eyes, no words are needed. Sam stares back with with purpose and desire.

“Now.” She whispers with a kiss and slides onto him further.

He feels her catch her breath letting the length of him into her. He closes his eyes savoring how the warm walls of her vagina absorb him. She begins the pace while he kisses her neck and reaches toward her ass, squeezing it and her closer to him. His full length enters her and she gasps, digging her fingers into his back. Casey takes lead and begins thrusting faster. They are both panting, their kisses urgent and heated. He runs his hand around her thigh gently rubbing her clit with his thumb as he deepens each thrust. She moans in his ear, the sound of her pleasure peaking him as well. His release into her is a wash of emotion and and pleasure. He leans her back onto the bed finishing completely with a couple more hard thrusts, not letting his lips leave hers.

Sam is flooded with hormones and a swirling emotions as he fills her, his warm release sending her over the edge. The passion in her lips demands as much of him as possible which he responds to with his final thrusts, hitting her pleasure spot hard and peaking her once again. She whimpers out a cry of release and leans back into the pillows, closing her eyes.

Casey kisses Sam’s cheek softly and settles in next to her holding her tightly next to him. Sam leans her face into his chest, nuzzling against his heated chest. She breaths him in, intoxicated by the pheromones of their session. He pulls her in closer and kisses her forehead.

“Samantha,” he says softly “I can’t let you go.”

Sam looks up at him, tears beginning to well in her eyes. “Casey, I can’t hold you back.” She tucks herself back into his chest. He holds her there and inhales deeply.

“You are what keeps me moving forward. Sam without you, I’d be in some residency program, hating that I was never strong enough to stand up to my father.” He brushed his fingers through her hair. “You gave me the voice to stand up for myself, you are my support system, my conscience, and the love of my life.”

Sam jolted up on her elbow to look at him.

“I mean it,” he said to her “there has never been anyone else that got even half as much of my heart. No matter what it may have seemed, I’ve just never wanted to hurt you, I didn’t trust myself. Sam I want to be selfish. I want you with me, wherever that may be.” He reached toward her and lifted her chin for a kiss, yearning and passionate, he inhaled her in. “I love you.” He said, his lips brushing against hers with each word.

Sam felt like she’d been punched in the gut, her mind swirling with thoughts and emotions. Processing this confession of Casey’s like walking through quicksand. She felt a panic wash over her. Casey looked at her, eyes large, wounded by her silence.

“I love you.” Sam replied “I …” she didn’t know how to use words anymore, she had dreamt of this moment, never imagined it would happen, that he would ever choose her. She shook her head.

“I’m not who You’re supposed to be with.”

Casey sat up, pulled Sam into his lap and looked at her with an intensity she had never seen in him. He kissed her so hard it took her breath away, when he pulled back he gave her a sultry grin.

“Supposed has nothing to do with it, you’re it for me. I won’t let us drift apart.”

Tears escaped Sam’s eyes, over come with confusion, emotion, responsibility and relief. It was too much, but at the same time the kind of confession she’d been hoping for since they were 15. She kissed him again deep and wanting. He rolled her back onto the pillows, his tongue massaging hers while his hands caressed her curves. He pulled away to look at her.

“Sam, I mean it. I love you.” His fingers brushed the small of her back, “I’ve spent too long thinking this was bad for both of us. I’m feeling selfish.” He said with a kiss to her collar bone. “Im feeling possessive.” He moved to her nipple, licking it lightly, looking at her as he did.

Sam sighed deeply, heat returning between her legs. Casey pulled her close and looked her in the eyes, longing filled them.

“Samantha…move with me?”

Sam blacked out momentarily, how did this happen. Her head was swimming, her body confused. She caught her breath, looked back at him.

“Casey, I love you.” Her eyes welled. Casey kissed her cheek, smiled savagely and absorbed her body in passion. He immediately trailed down her stomach with heated breath until he sucked her bundle of nerves, currently on fire, into his mouth. Sam collapsed into the bed moaning, release coming quickly as her swirling emotions and physical desire peaking simultaneously. Reading her body perfectly, Casey thrust his fingers into her sending her over the edge, she bit her lip to suffocate the scream of pleasure from escaping. He kissed her hip, and she ran her fingers through his hair.

Casey fell asleep entangled around her. Sam smiled to herself, then reality started to grip her. No one knew about them. Their entire existence together had been in shadows and secrets, stolen away from the rest of the world, their families, their friends. How would this play out? He’d asked in the heat of passion, what if he woke up and regretted it?!

Sam’s alarm went off at 5am, she groaned and turned it off, she can’t have slept for more than 2 hours. Casey sleeps soundly next to her. She smiled, they never get to wake up together. He looks so innocent lying there, slight smile on his lips, his sun bleached hair just the perfect amount of messy, his arm wrapped under his pillow. She decides not to wake him, heading into the bathroom to rinse the evidence of their lovemaking off of her before work. As she stands in the warm water she replays his confession. It’s like a daydream from when she was a teenager. It’s too good to be true, he probably didn’t mean it. She splashes water over her face and turns off the shower. Getting out and toweling off, Sam’s mood turns somber, preparing herself for the heartache of when he wakes up and acts like nothing happened.

She sneaks into the living area of the room to grab her bag, and puts on the shorts and tank top she had packed to sleep in. Ashley and Cara are both still asleep on the impossibly plush sofa, she decides to text them later rather than risk waking them to say goodbye before Casey leaves the wing. Returning to the bedroom, she sighs and approaches the bed. Gently caressing Casey’s bicep, she leans in to kiss his temple. He stirs and looks at her with hooded eyes.

“Good morning,” Sam smiles “sorry to wake you, but you should probably head back to the other side of the house before anyone wakes.”

He grabs her wrist and pulls her toward him. Sam climbs onto the bed, allowing him to wrap himself around her, laying on her side to face him. Casey kisses her cheek.

“It’s too early, stay with me a bit longer.” He says with a yawn.

“I have to go home and get ready for work,” She runs a hand across his back, and swallows nervously “besides I don’t want you being in here to be how everyone finds out about… us.”

Casey pulls her closer and kisses her neck. “Mmm, and how would you prefer it to be announced to the world?” He smiles at her playfully, knowing she hates being the center of attention.

Sam catches her breath, shocked he meant it, that it wasn’t just in the heat of the moment.

“I.. um, well maybe we should just keep things quiet until we at least explain to our families?” She looks at him nervously. “I can tell Ashley and Cara later today? Then figure out how to tell my mom.” That would go well, her mother had always stressed to her how important being prepared and having a plan was, a spontaneous move, relationship, whatever the plan is now, would send her over the edge.

“Do you want me to be there?” He asks, tucking hair behind her ear.

Sam leans her head into his hand, appreciative of his offer. She closes her eyes a moment to think. She pictures Casey sitting at the kitchen table while Abuela feeds him everything in the kitchen and smiles. Then her mother leaning against the counter with a scowl of disapproval. She opens her eyes.

“Better I warm my mother up to the idea first. Given our lack of a traditional relationship.”

“Im not going to pretend Mrs. Martinez doesn’t scare me.” Casey says with a laugh. “I’ll trust your judgment. Could I take you out tonight, after your shift?”

“Why Casey Park, did you just ask me on a date?!” Sam laughed quietly. She kissed him. “We are so backwards. Pick me up at 7?”

He grinned, “I’m gonna make it up to you. All of it” he pinned her down onto the bed and kissed her collarbone, her neck, “stay with me.” He whispered in her ear, kissing her neck again, his warm breath arousing her.

“Casey,” she kisses him deeply, “you know I can’t. You sir, need to get out of here before someone finds you.” She pushes him up and hops off the bed.

Casey pouts. Sam throws his clothes at him. He shrugs on his shirt and pulls on his jeans. He slides off the bed and grabs his shoes. Sam leans in the doorway to the bathroom.

“As you wish my dear.” He smirks, “I’ll see you at 7.” He kisses her cheek and slips through the door to the main hallway.

Sam slides down the doorframe for a minute to catch her breath. Her head was swirling. This was insane, what was she doing, this wasn’t her. She took a couple deep breaths and stood up, grabbed her purse and exited through the hall of the east wing. She jumps as Grant also enters the hall.

“Good morning Ms Martinez.” Grant says with a smile.

“Hello Grant,” Sam replies, “How’s Danny? Any update?”

“Thank you Ms Martinez, they are treating him for respiratory infection.”

“Did Susie take him to Hasbro?” Sam asked.

“Yes, they are still in the ER though, no rooms available.” Grant replied.

“I’ll check in on them, don’t worry, we’ll get him better.” Sam smiled and patted Grant’s arm.

“Thank you Ms Martinez.” Grant said walking toward the main part of the house.

“Just Sam please.” She smiled and let herself out the door.