Fight or Feast: The Lord of Swords

“The king is no more! May an army of one-thousand griffins devoir the wretched Kingdom of Amular and burn our misery to the ground!” proclaimed Donald Greenleaf, as he raised his frothy glass of ale high into the air. Donald’s chaps, Merek the Vicar and Clark the Sword-swallower gazed at him with concern and disapproval. Steam arose from the hot tub in which the three men were relaxing. The dark room of the hut was cold, but the water in the tub bubbled as the men drank their troubles away. Donald sat back down in the tub and took another large drink of ale as a single teardrop splashed into the water.

“Now Donald,” Merek the Vicar began. “Things are terribly wretched at this time, but that does not mean they will always be. We need to find out exactly what happened. Surely your father would not have given the throne to that buffoon of a jester without a good reason. Perhaps he was blackmailed, or maybe the document was a complete forgery.”

“King Richard was a mighty and intelligent man,” said Clark the Sword-swallower. “Something does not sit right about this whole situation. We are here for you Donald. We will help you take the throne which is rightfully yours. What do you think happened?”

“Well young chaps,” Donald began after swallowing the final contents of ale from his glass. “It all began two weeks ago. My father, King Richard, was in terrific health, as was I. Great disappointment was about to gloom over my father, and it twas partially my fault.”

“Whatever do you mean?” asked Merek.

Donald slapped Merek in the face with great force. “Cock! Shut ye mouth and listen. I was about to tell you,” stated Donald. “My father and I had a falling out recently. For you see, a few short weeks ago, I was set to take Dame Katelyn of Canterbury to the meadow for a frolic. We were going to pack a picnic basket with the finest: meats, cheeses and breads in the kingdom. However, the night before this happened, I thought to myself, ‘What if she wants to give me a sloppy, suck-job?’ I hadn’t received a suck-job in quite some time. I thought that I might be a tad rusty at receiving such a suck-job.

As I pondered the thought, alone in my chamber, my stomach began to grow uneasy. I was not going to be able to sleep with the thoughts and worries swimming in my mid-section. Just then, I noticed one of my father’s guards walking past my door.

‘Ethan!’ I shouted.

‘Yes, Prince Donald,’ Ethan the Cock Goblin responded to me.

‘Come in here Ethan, I have something I need you to do for me,’ I commanded him.

Ethan walked into my chamber briskly and I explained my problem to him. Ethan the Cock Goblin was quite understanding of the situation, as he usually was. Before I could even request Ethan to suck on my meat-rod…for practice…he was on his knees telling me that he would suck my cock, so I would be better prepared to receive the mouth of Dame Katelyn.

Ethan the Cock Goblin sure knew his way around a sausage. He must have allowed many men to practice receiving suck-jobs from his wet mouth. He truly was a great man and a great friend.”

“To Ethan the Cock Goblin!” Clark the Sword-swallower proclaimed, while he raised his glass of frothy ale to the air.

“Dickhead!” screamed Donald. “I was just about to finish my story. Why would you interrupt me, you wretched pig!”

“A thousand pardons Donald,” Clark said. “I just assumed that your story had ended. Twas a great story, for you see I’ve had a similar experience with your father’s guard, Ethan. One brisk, cloudy night, Ethan and I were about to plow a few wenches we came across near the dock. I, however, was nervous. Ethan must have seen the uneasiness in my eyes. He asked the wenches to excuse us for a few hours. Once they left, he asked me what was wrong. I explained my predicament and he had a solution for me as well. For you see, it had been a while since I was inside the vagina of a young woman. Ethan explained to me that it was not much different than the anus of a young man. I told him that I’d never had my penis in the anus of a man. Just then, he removed his trousers and let me have a go at it. He was a generous man, whom thought about everyone before himself. After plowing Ethan for a while, we were both kind of sleepy and decided not to find the wenches. For you see, it was already getting quite late.”

“…Anyways,” said Donald. “As Ethan was giving me a sloppy suck-job…for practice…my father entered my chamber. Shock and disappointment overcame his face. I couldn’t say anything. He must know I’m only doing this so that I can practice receiving suck-jobs from ladies, I thought to myself. He left the room and we didn’t speak for days. A few nights after the incident took place, I heard that my father ordered Ethan to be decapitated by the guards. I’m sure it was for some reason that I didn’t know about. Maybe he forgot to tie down one of the horses and it got away, or something.

That however, was just days before my father’s death and before he made Terrence, the wretched jester, King of Amular. Now there seems to be nothing left in the world for me but pain and sorrow. I have been forsaken.”

“I got it,” began Merek the Vicar. “How about we build an army and dethrone the newly appointed king. Even if he was the choice of your father, King Richard, in his dying moments, he was the wrong choice. The brave warrior, Donald Greenleaf, should be the man to reign over the Kingdom of Amular.”

“That’s crazy-talk, Merek!” shouted Donald. “There are only three of us; we shall be slain if we even think of approaching the new king. Anyways, we’d never be able to get close to him; he is always accompanied by Duke Omar of the Epps and Bishop Mekhi Phifer. The Duke has the greatest battle skills in the kingdom and the wicked Bishop has the evil powers of a thousand sorcerers. There is nothing left for us to do but finish another glass of ale and wash our filthy cocks.”

The men continued to drink ale, as the sorrow from their hearts and the steam from the bubbling hot tub filled the air. Just then, the beautiful Dame Adelaide entered the room. “I couldn’t help overhearing that you fine warriors were in need of a cock cleansing,” she stated. “May I be of service to you? My hands are not busy with a thing at the moment and I see your hands are occupied with glasses of ale.”

“You’re a sweet maiden,” Donald replied, “but we chaps are perfectly capable of washing each other’s cocks.”

“Really,” began Dame Adelaide. “It’s no problem for me at all, and this way you don’t have to put down your glasses of ale.”

“No, no, no, we could not possibly allow that,” said Merek the Vicar. “Your beautiful gown would get all wet and wrinkled.”

“Then perhaps I should remove my gown and get in the tub with you gentleman, to wash your filthy cocks,” requested Dame Adelaide.

“That’s not necessary, my dear,” answered Clark. “Run along now, maybe we’ll see you later.”

“Oh,” said Dame Adelaide, “I see.”

“Aye…” replied Clark.

Dame Adelaide slowly exited the chamber and left the three men soaking in the tub, drinking their fine ales. “She truly is a sweet wench,” stated Clark.

“Agreed,” replied Merek. “Beautiful too, I’d love to get inside of that.”

“Oh yeah,” said Clark. “I wish I could take her back to my chamber and spew my seed into her nether-regions. If only the opportunity would ever arrive.”

Immediately after the words had emerged from Clark’s mouth, the screeching of dragons radiated into the room.

“Dragons have returned!” announced Donald.

“Let us slay thee!” yelled Merek.

The men climbed out of the tub with great haste. After they had exited the tub, they each quickly found their trousers and threw them on. Once they had grabbed their swords and shields, they blasted through the chamber door, like three cannonballs.

The sight of two dragons breathing fire around a helpless, lone goblin entered their field of vision. The goblin cried for help, “lame...weak...” shouted the filthy little goblin.

“Dragons!” screamed Donald, “Prepare to be slain!”

One of the dragons looked toward them and said, “We do not fear you gentlemen, and our beef is not with you, it is with this lowly goblin fuck. How about ye gentlemen take your business elsewhere and leave us to deal with this goblin how we see best fit?”

“While your request seems logical, we cannot grant your wish. For we are the most experienced swordsmen in the entire kingdom, and we have sworn to protect each and every creature whom resides here. No matter how large of a bag of douche this goblin may be, we cannot allow your continued harassment,” answered Donald.

“Then you have given us no choice!” proclaimed one of the dragons. “We will leave each of you a pile of ash.”

After speaking the bone-chilling threat to the men, the dragon shot fire from his wretched mouth towards the men. Each man rolled out of the way and ran in different directions to make it more difficult for the dragons to focus on them. One of the dragons turned his head to follow Donald. Merek sprinted towards the dragon with great force. As the dragon was about to spew fire from his mouth, with one swift swipe, Merek decapitated the dragon. The dragon’s head hit the dirt hard, creating a cloud of dust in the air before the rest of the beast’s body collapsed to the ground.

“Gavin!” yelled the remaining, living dragon. “You dicks killed Gavin! Why would you kill Gavin! He’s been nothing but a model citizen to the kingdom.”

The dragon continued to lecture Donald and Merek as Clark stealthily crept behind him. In a solid motion, Clark cut off the head of the second dragon, leaving the town square free from dragons.

“Hazah!” proclaimed Donald. “We’ve done it again, even after drinking several ales; we were able to slay dragons.” The three men shared some epic high-fives to celebrate their victory.

Two well stacked wenches approached Donald and his merry men.

“Ye are the bravest man in the kingdom,” began one of the smokin’ hot wenches. “We were ever so frightened by those wretched dragons, but now we feel nothing but safeness and comfort. How about you follow us over to that cavern and plow us like a field at harvest?”

“Holla!” proclaimed Donald. “Merek and Clark, ye shall run along while I destroy the pussies of these young wenches.”

Clark and Merek gave each other another wicked high-five and departed out of sight. The two wenches led Donald to the direction of a nearby cavern.

“Wait!” cried the goblin, whom the dragons were harassing. “Prince Donald, thank ye ever-so-much for saving me from those awful dragons. I would be honored if you would allow me to watch as you drown these ladies’ vaginas with your flowing seed. Would you allow me this honor?” asked the goblin.

“Absolutely you can watch, ye filthy little goblin,” answered Donald.

And so Donald and the filthy little goblin followed the well stacked wenches into the cavern. The dark cavern was small and illuminated by candle-light. Drops of water dripped from the ceiling of the cavern onto the floor in several spots. In the middle of the cavern, laid a stack of hay, the top was covered by a large potato sack.

The wenches were quite breath-taking. One had long, free-flowing golden hair, beautifully braided down to the middle of her back. Her eyes were as blue as the moon and her sweet breasts were as large as cantaloupes. The other had dark black hair, as black as night, it was also braided in a lovely fashion. She wore a tight red dress that clung to her skin.

Slowly the two beautiful wenches undressed until they were completely nude. Donald removed his pantaloons, revealing his massive erection.

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about!” shouted the goblin from the corner of the cavern.

“Quiet you!” Donald scolded the goblin.

“My bad,” replied the goblin, as he made a zipping motion near his mouth.

“Get over here,” the blonde wench requested as she motioned Donald with her index finger.

Donald walked over to the wenches and was immediately sandwiched by them. Donald penetrated the dark-haired woman while she gave some mouth stuff to the blonde lady. Seeing this was too much for Donald to handle. He was not going to be able to last more than a few seconds longer. “Fuck!” Donald thought to himself, “I’m about to cum!” Donald gazed around the cavern to attempt to last a bit longer. Suddenly, something caught his attention. The goblin was standing several feet away from him with an arousing smirk on his face.

At once, Donald removed his penis from the vagina of the young lady and took two steps towards the goblin. Just as he reached the goblin, his man-juice sprayed the face of the goblin, then stopped, then sprayed one more time, with slightly less force. Both wenches began to laugh and point at the semen-covered goblin.

“How dare ye cum on mine face?” the goblin asked.

“Fuck off you disgusting little goblin,” Donald responded. “Go wipe my seed off thine face!”

“That does it sir,” the goblin began. “I’m going to report you to the nearest guard. Ye will be banished from the Kingdom of Amular, banished I tell you! This was the very last time you cum on the face of a goblin.”

“Do as thy please,” Donald said. “I cum on ye goblins as I wish.”

The goblin stormed out of the candle-lit cavern while wiping the semen from his eyes. Both of the ladies put their clothes back on. The dark-haired wench gave the blonde lady a passionate kiss goodbye and departed the cavern. Donald was left alone with the blonde wench.

“Thank you ever so much, Prince Donald,” the wench said to Donald. “That was absolutely delightful. I am burdened however. My sister has been taken prisoner by a foul creature known as Taye Diggs of the swamp.”

“Wicked,” said Donald as he carefully placed his man-meat back in his trousers.”

“Yes...well...do you think you could rescue her and complete my family once again?” she asked. “Please, I will be forever indebted to you, and thou may cum inside my sister and I as ye wish.”

“No thanks, I already got my rocks off, lates!” Donald proclaimed whilst throwing up a peace sign with his index and middle finger, as he exited the cavern.