Chapter 1
Who needs a guardian angel when you have a demon to solve all your problems? Luna had no idea of her late grandmother’s proclivities for witchcraft and demonology. Therefore, when the lovely lady passed on —that is, to cook in the pit of eternal damnation—, the girl had no problem moving into the house she inherited. All well and good at that point. Until that troublesome woman got her hands on the book that chained me to her service.
I was a good fallen angel; I didn’t hurt anyone. Yes, in the past I taught bad things to humans. Yes, I had fornicated with the daughters of Adam. And I was serving my punishment in hell gladly. I would have spent five or six more centuries down there with no desire to change my fate. But as always, nothing comes out as expected. On the day in question, I was about to sin quite deliciously with a huge-assed demon girl. Before becoming a demon, she had been a human in the business of gentlemen’s special interest movies, so I was expecting great things from that encounter. Her legs wrapped around my hips, pinning me between her thighs as she kissed my neck and chest. But I didn’t want any foreplays, I was just craving the main entree. I made her stand up and pulled down my pants.
The demon slut looked at me with lust in her black eyes and licked her lips with pleasure. You had to admit it; Daddy God had armed me with one of the finest pieces in his collection. Yes, I was proud of my cock. Go ahead, mock me all you want. That won’t make it any less true that I’m an excellent lay. The girl set about the task of sucking me dry right away. She was doing it properly; she was getting me all worked up with her tongue in no time. I smiled as I settled into my recliner to enjoy her touch, I was looking forward to spending all day and night inside my red room enjoying good wild sex.
Then I felt it. The way my expectations were shattered as pleasure took a back seat. It had been centuries, since I was a pure angel following my daddy’s orders, since I’d had that feeling in my chest. The feeling of being called into service. The horrible certainty that your peace of mind has just gone down the toilet. I pushed my companion away ungraciously, the usual for me. I could not breathe. The human world was calling me; it wanted to suck me in slowly and painfully. I tried to fight it in vain, because the spell was strong. Who the hell was calling me? When I got my hands on that little scumbag, he was going to pay for it. No one summons the great Azazyel at the moment he is about to fornicate and lives to tell the tale.
The effort to stop that call made me unleash my powers. My wings unfolded behind my naked back, a fact that filled my companion with dread. Stupid inferior creature, she still had not overcome her fear of angels. No matter how long I spent under there burning alongside them, I would always be Azazyel, the fallen angel. Azazyel, the son of God. But I understood them. Because who could possibly take a perfect being like me for a demon? They were generally ungraceful; I couldn’t blame them for being dazzled every time they saw me.
I was thinking about those stupid things when the spell ended up summoning me into the human world. Suddenly I found myself in a strange place. There were containers of different sizes and materials, filled with a variety of substances, or barely covered with them. The floor was stained with a fine white powder. Under my bare feet, a pentagram was marked with fire, as a sign of what had happened there. I had been summoned; God knew the reason for it. A high-pitched scream shook my ears and made me grind my teeth. Behind the plateau in the middle of the room, there was a girl sprawled on the floor, sitting on her backside as if she had just fallen. Anticipating the approaching disaster, I stretched my back and made my wings disappear. That made me look like an ugly human being. Well, maybe a handsome human being.
“Who are you?!” she shrieked from her position. “How did you get in here? Why are you naked?”
I was about to put her to sleep when I heard her last question. Puzzled, I looked down. Yes, my biggest pride was pointing straight ahead, right in the direction she was shouting. I didn’t know what to answer. I had long lived among demons, who didn’t care if I wore pants or went bare-chested. Humans were still as straight as ever. What was wrong with walking around with my penis in the air? What had she called me for if not for that?
“Shut up, you stupid human,” I said, tired of the five minutes she had been yelling at me.
The girl frowned in confusion, giving me a break from her crazy screams, so I pulled up my pants.
“Human?” she stuttered, looking down at the book in her hands. “But you.... I...
“You, me, us.... What were the rest of the..?
I remained deep in thought, trying to remember. It had been a long time since I last thought about the grammar of the human language. It wasn’t something that was a priority at the moment, but that was me. I would think whatever I felt like, whenever I felt like it. Nobody told me what to do. Absolutely no one. Mark my words.
Although, if I thought about it, I had had no intention of leaving my room in hell. And here I was, half naked and untouched. Stupid human.
“How did you manage to conjure me up?” I asked.
I was amused to see her there, still lying on the floor clutching her thick book. She was slight of build, a human barely out of her teens. Her red hair fell in wild curls all over her face was, which was stained with soot. Did that girl really have the strength to summon me out of hell?
“Con... jur... what?”
“Are you stupid? Stand up. It makes me nervous to see you lying there.”
The girl obeyed me without taking her eyes off me. I understood, yes, my abs were too much for that girl who had been looking at mere mortals all her life. I watched her shake off the black dust that covered her, and contemplate the shameful state of the room. I was getting tired of her silence. I needed an explanation as much as she needed a bath. Badly!
“How could you summon me?! How could you when you’re a dwarf and too young?” I shouted, fed up “How the hell did you summon me!”
“I don’t know!” she yelled in return, “I don’t know. This is my grandmother’s recipe book. You were supposed to be a plate of shortbread cookies! Not this... What are you?”
No, my ears must have been deceiving me. Shortbread cookies? Had I been called upon by a little girl who was just pretending to make herself a snack? I smiled, feeling like I was about to burst into a bunch of ugly words, the kind I had taught humans ages ago.
“Let me see that book”.
“No”.
“What do you mean ‘no’? Let me see it”.
“I said no. The book is an inheritance left to me by my grandmother. Now get out of my kitchen and out of my house!”
Absurd. That was the only way I could describe that moment. Me, the great Azazyel, arguing in a kitchen. I had barely managed to remember the name of that useless room. And while I was feeling ridiculous, the human was checking her text, more and more confused.
“This is what I get for trying to read French,” she said, looking from one end of the page to the other.
“I can read French, if you want me to help you”.
I could see it. The doubt in her face, the distrust in her eyes. However, curiosity got the better of her. She came closer and held the copy in her hands, letting me glance at what it said. And I wanted to scream when I read those pages. Of course, it wasn’t French. It was pure witchcraft, the big and bad kind. It turned out that the brainless human who had called me was playing with a legendary grimoire. I was screwed. I wanted to strangle the fool with her own hair, so she would learn to stay out of that kind of business, once she got to hell.
“What does it say?” she asked.
I remained silent, not knowing what to tell her. No way was I going to confess that she had control over me, that I was tied to her until I figured out how to get rid of that spell. The solution was to lie, by logic. The problem was I couldn’t think of anything.
“It says...” I improvised, “I’m here to grant you three wishes”.
“What?” she asked, not very convinced. “Are you a genie? You don’t look like one”.
“I don´t? And what must a genie look like?”
I endured her inspection of my body without interrupting her. The poor thing deserved one last treat before I put my hands around her neck and squeezed. Because I was going to, once I was free of that bond.
“Bluer” she concluded, looking at my ass cheekily.
“Fine, I’ll take your advice into account” I rolled my eyes. “Tell me your wishes”.
“Well, first I want you to help me win the culinary contest my school is organizing. It’s the national one, so it’s not easy”.
“Are you going to waste a wish playing Master Chef?”
The look on the human’s face was scary. I’m not ashamed to admit it. The great Azazyel felt fear. Apparently, she wasn’t a fan of that show, which was a pity. It was very popular in hell. Maybe she would spend her eternal damnation watching it under there.
“Funny. Where did you learn that, demon?”
“What are you saying? I’m not a demon”.
“Then what are you? I already realized that this is not a dessert recipe book”.
“How clever of you, ” I chuckled. “I’m not a demon. I’m a fallen angel”.
The girl blinked in confusion and smiled looking into my eyes. Hers were a soft, honey-like color. Beneath them, a countless number of freckles adorned her cheeks and the tip of her nose. Lovely, gross.
“So... a demon”.
“No. It’s not the same thing”.
“Yes, it is”.
The girl was wearing me out. She had stopped behaving like a fool to look more like a normal, functioning human. But just looking like one. Because she was annoying, too much for my taste. Right before I could imagine her doing anything else, the girl reached out her hand to me. Funny. She considered me a demon, but she wasn’t running away in terror screaming for an exorcist. I became more and more convinced that this woman was not ordinary.
“My name is Luna” she said, “And you are?”
“Azazyel” I answered, refusing to take her hand.
“Aza... Zazy, I’ll call you Zazy.”
“No, you won’t. That’s a humiliating nickname for a fallen angel”.
Luna twisted her mouth into a sarcastic grimace. I already knew what she was going to tell me, but I refused to adopt the nickname of a filthy demon. However, as much as I wanted to, if she said one word to force me to accept it, I would have to bend in order to sell the lie.
“Why don’t you start by cleaning my kitchen? If you do, I’ll be able to work on my dishes with peace of mind”.
“How is that going to help you win a contest? I thought you just wanted your name on the trophy”.
“It’s not that simple, Zazy” she said, and I scowled at that damned nickname. “I want to be an internationally recognized chef, but without cheating as much as possible. We have a long three months ahead of us”.
I cursed under my breath as I gave her my best smile and I took a dry cloth. Once I got rid of that spell, I was going to make her pay for it.
