Chapter 1- Lexi
Today, I bury my mother, my best friend and my anchor to this life.
I stand here staring at the interrupted ground, the chunks of dry, dusty, red dirt surrounding my high heeled clad feet. Leaning down, I grab two handfuls. I watch as it slides through my fingers, hoping to feel the life force of the earth but all I feel is dirt. Watching as they lower my mother into the sinking hole of the abyss. My father stands beside me taking another drag off his bottle of whiskey. The damn bottle is already half gone and we only just stopped on the way to the cemetery to pick it up.
“Good riddance.”
He spits on her casket and stumbles away, holding on to anything in his path so he won’t fall from pure drunkenness. He was never a good husband or a good father. There isn’t a day that I don’t recall seeing him with some sort of bottle in his hand. The only time there isn’t one is when he’s passed out and its fell onto the floor. I just knew he would be the first one to go. I just knew his liver wouldn’t last as long as it has. You would think with the amount of alcohol he inhales on a daily basis, he would have already succumbed from cirrhosis of the liver by now. But nope... my beautiful, protective mother was the one to go first.
“Let’s go Lexi! I need to stop by the liquor store on the way home!”
I take one last look into the dark hole that holds my mother’s plain brown casket. I drop one single white rose and say a small prayer. I pray that she’s happy now, free. No more worries or pain from the past. She did the best she could to survive in a world that hurt her with every turn she made. Through it all she never complained, not once. She always said this life was her trial and tribulation, her burdens to bear. When she stood before the almighty, she wanted him to be proud. He’s a proud mom.
“Alexis!”
I turn my head and look at the man who made me. There’s nothing about me that resembles him in any way. The more I look, the dirtier I feel. It’s that icky, skin shiver grossness that slides down my skin like a snake. The kind that makes you almost vomit. You feel it exactly right in the back of your throat, hoping with everything you have it stays down. He barely tried to even put on a suit. His pants are wrinkled and his shirt is not even buttoned right. His tie is hanging down and there are stains from who knows what on that shirt. There’s no jacket and a pair of flip flops for shoes. Don’t get me started on the smell. Absolutely, positively gross.
“I love you, Mom. I promise, I’ll find a way out somehow.”
Walking to the car, I wonder if somehow I could just push him, “accidently” of course, out the passenger side door while driving ninety down the freeway and make it “look” like an accident. Be my luck, he would survive and live to tell his drunken tale. Getting behind the wheel all I smell is the stench of old whiskey and body odor. I gag and roll the window down, hoping the fresh air will blow away the smell of the walking catastrophe beside me.
“Don’t forget to stop at the liquor store dimwit and I hope you don’t think you’re getting out of cooking. Just because your mother dropped dead don’t mean shit.”
“I’ll drop you off at the house and go to the store. I need to get a few things for supper anyway.”
“Whatever, as long as you get my whiskey and hurry the hell up! Your mama isn’t here to protect you anymore! I’ll do as I see fit. Something that should have been done a long time ago.”
I stiffen. He beat my mom almost every day. She allowed it just so he wouldn’t come and hurt me. She died because of me. Because her frail body couldn’t take the beatings anymore. One kick in the wrong place and her heart just stopped beating. The bad part is, I consider my mom the lucky one.
After dropping off the sad excuse of a father, I drive to the nearest secluded beach. Living in South Florida makes it kind of hard to find but since growing up here, I know a few places. I take my shoes off and feel the sand between my toes and shells scraping the bottoms of my feet. I don’t want to go back, back to the dilapidated house with the falling shutters and the leaking roof. The house where the more you try and fix it, the more it breaks. You walk inside and all you smell is stale alcohol and mold. Mom and I tried our best but sometimes, even your best just isn’t good enough.
“I thought I’d find you here.”
I jump at the sound of his timber voice in the silence of the autumn afternoon. Maxwell just graduated college and is visiting before going to Canada to start a new job in Toronto. Me? I never made it to college. My family couldn’t afford it. I worked at the diner to help mom with the bills. Now, I’m not sure how long it will be before those even start to pile up. Maxwell though, I’m happy he’s found his place in life. No matter what life throws at me, I’ll always be happy for my best friend. The one person who knows everything about me and still isn’t afraid to come around.
“Yeah. I had to get away from the stench.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the funeral. I figured your dad would throw a fit if he saw me there.”
“It’s okay and he probably would have.”
He takes my hand and squeezes. He knows mom protected me all these years. He also knows I stayed for her. I stayed to help her. His touch usually calms me but it also sets my emotions loose and I feel those treacherous tears I had done so well at holding back, spring forward. I try and blink them back. I try to keep myself in check but this time, it’s not working. As soon as Max takes me into his arms, I sob. Not a controlled, just let me get it out kind of sob. It’s an uncontrolled, ugly, snot cry to the point I start to hyperventilate. He’s the only person that can make me feel the things I try so damn hard to hide.
“Breathe Lexi, just breathe.”
“I... can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
He takes my hand and puts it on his chest.
“Here. Feel this. Feel me breathing. In and out. In and out. Slow and steady. Just feel me breathing.”
“I.... can’t... do this anymore.”
“I know. I don’t want you to.”
“But what choice do I have?”
“You can come with me.”
My eyes pop up to his green ones. Confusion swirling around in my butterscotch brown eyes. If he weren’t my best friend and if we hadn’t been best friends since we were in middle school, I’d probably be one of the many girls that has had a crush on the unattainable Maxwell Hayes. Ever since I met him though, it’s been a friendship till the end. Though I’m not blind. I will admit, with his dark hair, crystal green eyes, chiseled jaw and fit body, Max is one hell of a catch.
“What?”
“Pack all your shit tonight, Lex. I’ll come get you around midnight. There’s no way I’m leaving you here alone.”
“I can’t. I don’t have enough saved up yet.”
“I have your ticket already and you’re staying with me and my friend, West. There’s plenty of room.”
“Max...”
“For once Alexis.... please, don’t argue with me on this.”
He said my whole name. He never calls me by my government name unless he’s mad or he is serious about something. The question is, can I do it? Can I just get up and leave without saying anything? I don’t owe my father any kind of explanation. I’m 23 years old and he’s never done a damn thing for me. I can do as I please and the last place I want to be is here. I look at my best friend. The one person who has been with me through everything. He takes a piece of my hair and puts it behind my ear.
“What do you say?”
“I’ll be ready.”
