Panic
Running. It seems like that is the only thing I have ever done. I run from home, from hate and from love. I run from friend and foe alike. How fast can I run? How far can I get before it all comes crashing around me. Will I always have to continue to look behind me?
I look through my bag, searching for the one thing that calms me. A bottle. I look around at the people who don't seem to ever notice me. I came to escape but can I ever leave? I take a long drink and sigh as it burns down my throat. After all, what else do I have? I wasn't always alone, but the people around me, were suffocating me.
I look through my email on my phone. I see a message I don't want to. I feel my heart start to race. My breathing turns fast and shallow as I gasp for air. Why can't they just leave me alone? Why can't they let me have some peace? Why is it that no matter how far I go, they can't seem to stop trying to hold on to me.
I feel like running. I'm still not far enough away. The monster might find me. Can I ever get far enough away? I look around and start to panic. What if somebody followed me again? I don't see anyone I know, but they could be hiding. It wouldn't be the first time. I begged them to stop. Why couldn't they just stop?
I am the problem. I always was. I told the monster he was bad, but the monster was mad. I did everything I could to get away. I even slept in the woods in the middle of winter to escape. I was supposed to listen. I was supposed to do as I was told. I don't want to. I would do anything to never see them again.
I take another drink. I will have to get some money somehow. I look at the skyscrapers surrounding me. This isn't my home, but it might as well be. I have never really had a home. Even with a roof over my head, I was never able to feel at home.
I continue to walk towards the shelter as I finish my bottle. I can't bring it with me. I am lucky in a way. This shelter isn't too bad. At least I have my own room. I go through the bag check and before I had up the stairs. As I enter the room, I sat in the corner, facing the door. I plug in my phone and start to read. I am only a few pages in when I hear a knock at the door. I panic and quickly jump to my feet.
"Yes." I answer.
"Wellness check, are you doing alright?" I hear from the other side.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I say as I try to calm myself down. Looking down at my arms I see the bruises that are already forming from my own hands. This happens daily. I need to get used to it. I sit back down in the corner, still facing the door. Why am I like this? I know there are no monsters here. I should be fine. I should always be fine.
"If only you would have done what I told you, I wouldn't have to do this." I hear as pain shoots through my back. I feel the impact over and over again. I scream until my throat is raw, but the beating doesn't stop until I am barely conscious. I can't even move when it is over.
"You belong to me. That means you will do exactly as I tell you to. You are my property."
