Prologue - Instantly Hooked

"My oh my that is one engaging story! There is something rather intense and intriguing about the woes of the girl and I'm left eager to read more. The plot is very strong, and there's obviously a lot that needs to be said. The visceral reactions of the girl and the extent of her trauma are beautifully described. The phrase "You don't know anything!" immediately got me wondering what exactly happened to the girl, something so complex and unbelievable that it cannot enter into the police's understanding. One grammatical error which was really off-putting was the use of past perfect tense instead of past at certain places. "The officer had bellowed" and "she had gulped" seem totally out of place with the rest of the story, which is told in simple past tense. A great effort, and I'm definitely going to read on."