What is your opinion?
A WHISPER BY NAOMI
"Very nice 👍🏻 hope you update soon 🤗"
A Whisper by Naomi
"Another one Naomi ? 😂 Nah but I'm glad! All of your stories are amazing and I enjoy reading them so much... I know this is only the first chapter but it's pretty good so far, keep it up. Also I love how you decided to go for a more sweet and humourous story rather than the mysteriousness in the last one. I can't wait for more chapters to come !! Love , Isa 👾👾"
Just some constructive criticism….
"The plot is good but there’s a few things in the story that you want to avoid when writing. First, the alarm clock scene and Amanda waking up. This is a very common cliche so I would edit that part out. You did great with starting where Amanda gets the job, it’s just that the alarm clock is irrelevant in the next scene. Instead you want to start where Amanda leaves for work and she senses a man following her. Next thing I want to point out is pacing and info dumping. The story is told a little too fast so I would slow down the pace to give the readers time to get to know the main characters. Also, there’s a lot of telling rather than showing. I know this is written in first person but you can still spice things up a bit! Instead of just telling that the man was stealing money from her, show the interaction between the two characters. My best tip on showing what’s going on in the story is to include dialogue. Lastly, you want to make things make sense. How exactly does she know that a man was following her? Maybe she saw a reflection in a window or the man made a noise that gave it away. She may sense a man but how does she sense it? Please don’t take this as hate. If there’s anything in here that is misunderstood, please feel free to comment. I just know that there’s some readers out there that would expect more out of this story and one time I wrote a story and I received a comment saying it was boring. I don’t want this for you so you would want to make your book exciting and I feel like you’re heading that route. It just need a fixer upper. For more tips on writing, I suggest you check out Jenna Moreci on YouTube. She’s a published author and is a pro at giving writing advice!😁"
Intriguing start
"Given it's the first chapter, I would say there are promising points. The main character is relatable and engaging. We learn that she is 21 and her inner monologue as she moves through her space and hopes for success at her new job while worrying about predatory men in her neighborhood is realistic to that experience. That said, some of the writing is a little unnecessarily wordy, in the overuse of adverbs, passive voice, and describing actions that would be better shown or implied than spelled out. Since this is still only one chapter, I'm not sure what the tone of the overall story is going to be yet, but it might also be nice if some of the suspense of her feeling followed by the stranger to the gas station were given more room to make develop and make more of an impact to ground us in that world's atmosphere. Otherwise, interesting start, and hope to read the next installment when it arrives."
