Chapter 1
๐๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฎ๐๐๐ง๐จ ๐ก๐๐ฉ๐๐ง. It has been a full five years since my father's passing, an event that shook our entire family to the core. In the aftermath of his departure, I vividly remember seeing my mother struggling to wear a mere facade of a smile, trying to conceal the immense pain and grief that lingered within her heart. As her children, my siblings, and I were acutely aware that she had not fully healed from the loss of her beloved partner. Despite our own melancholy and heavy hearts, we stood by Mama's side, offering solace and support during those agonizing moments when she needed us the most.
My siblings are still young, and I know they need the guidance that Mama used to provide for us, but it appears that she has run out of energy to do so. At the age of eighteen, I took on the responsibility of dad to my two younger siblings, Trev and Eli. It was not hidden from me that I was only adopted by what I thought was my biological father, but I am grateful that he did not consider me anything else. I got to witness the course of his life with Mama, especially when he was suffering for a long time from brain cancer. For a long time, we couldn't even experience being with Dad, especially Trevor, who was his flesh and blood.
Trev is so troublesome often, far from Dad's temperament towards all of us before, and is always a headache for Mama, who is raising the three of us by herself. It took a while for the whole house to be peaceful, the stillness of the surroundings and away from the outcry of the city, but when everyone got together, suddenly the surroundings became deafening and we couldn't even understand each other. Once in the middle of a problem, we knew how to walk to the nearby graves of Dad and Grandpa, which became our refuge for all our problems and feelings. It's different because when we tell Mama about a small fight, she immediately gets angry, so the other two are afraid of her.
Because of Mama's lack of attention to us, I couldn't even inform her what was happening to me, especially since I had to receive a scholarship to a prestigious American university. I decided to wait for the chance to tell Mama the truth, and I never envisioned she'd agree to let me go to college. At first, Mama's firm grip on my hand as she sends me to the taxi to go to the airport got me thinking she didn't want to let me go. For a short while, before I move to America, I was relieved that I no longer had to constantly add to Mama's concerns, especially those about my siblings. I thought of putting in a lot of effort for myself so that I wouldn't overwhelm others, like Mama, who I know is having difficulties. Dad left me some money, but since I'm not of the right age yet, I won't be able to have it, so for the time being, I'll just have to wait. Mama broke down in tears as she said goodbye to me, but I vowed to her that everything would be alright and that I would still return home each time. "Call me when you get there - we won't be comfortable with you being away. If you'd only just stay here."
I just gave Mom a gentle forehead kiss, something Dad does every time he heads off to work that I often observe. I nearly missed the flight when I got to the airport because I underestimated where I needed to go. Until I sat in my designated seat and considered the things I'd leave behind in the UK, friends who were a part of my life and the ones who pushed me to reach where I am now, family members who tirelessly gave me words of encouragement because of the many bumps our family went through, and I celebrate this achievement with them, but it appeared as though something was pulling me in a different path and the decision I made was not the right one.
Sometime later, I finally arrived in California. I took a deep breath and gasped in the new atmosphere that I had to get used to. I dreamed of this for a long time, the dream of getting into UCLA, which I spent enough time, sweat, and effort to achieve. They gave me a great opportunity, as they chose me to be a scholar and play on their basketball team, not to mention, to be included as an NBA player in the future.
Who can deny what they want to happen in my life? Tuition is free; food is free; almost everything is free; the only problem I have is where I can live and find a part-time job that will support me daily and also for Mama.
I processed all of my schoolwork without delay and submitted it all in a single day. I've moved into a cheap apartment and can't help feeling that I'm very close to achieving my dream of becoming an architect. And once I finish college, I hope to expand Mama's Cafรจ and redecorate Dad's house, which has been left undisturbed over the years.
On my first day at UCLA as an architecture student, I thought about calling Mom and sharing the wonderful news with her, but there was more to worry about than the news I was about to tell her. Mama was crying on the other line of the phone, and she said that my grandfather passed away in the Philippines, and I don't know what will happen after that. I couldn't even speak, I just listened to what Mama had to say, and if I needed to go home to the Philippines with them. I'm already ahead of my dream that I can't leave just like that, but I also can't bear not being able to visit our family members, especially my grandmother, who I'm sure is more saddened by what happened. "You don't need to come with us, Mike-your grandfather will understand you, you know that." There is a trace of sadness in Mama's voice that even though we are used to it when it comes to her still stings the heart. Even if I want to go home, I still can't. It's not like when Grandma Ems passed away that we were all given time to meet together to pray for all our loved ones who passed away.
It seems that time has changed everyone's priorities. I, who is on the far side of the world, and my friends on the other side. My family in the Philippines and people who are doing their best to do their part every day wherever they are in the world. I couldn't do anything but pray for Grandpa and our family members who have crossed over to the afterlife. May they guide those of us who are still here and fighting, especially Mama, who is struggling more.
When I woke up, my surroundings suddenly changed. The new morning dawned and I thought that I had to do everything all alone, without anyone's help, even Mama's help. I admit that I am a very messy person when it comes to carrying my things, let alone the cleanliness of my room. Becoming dependent on the people around me and only then learning to be responsible when left unattended. "Boys will be boys," they say, but since it's my decision, maybe it's time for me to learn everything and know everything I need to know about life.
