Love by Contract

When I leave the building, I know everything has changed.

I recoil in fumbling, with fear and my heart shattered in a fist. Memories run through my mind and the rain mixes with the tears on my cheeks, leaving me soaked.

I’m still shrouded in his jacket, which I furiously take off and throw into a trash can. Even if I die of cold or catch a cold on the way home, I don’t want to touch that or anything that makes me think about his family or his last name. It’s all real shit.

I’m far from home, there’s no fucking taxi and my mobile has run out of charge to order an Uber. I turn around walking and twice look back. To recognize something obvious that leaves my heart in pieces... “He won’t come.”

I can’t control the cold, crying, I pass from one street to the other without being very clear if I’m going in the right direction. I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t believe this happened.

A thousand images cross my mind.

His laughter.

His eyes.

His mouth.

His bed.

His sheets.

His body.

His skin.

His arms.

His bad mood.

His screams.

His fits of rage.

Their crises.

My broken soul.

The last thing I think about is his lips saying My Name...

...when a light dazzles me on my side.

I hear a truck honking its horn.

The light blinds me.

The rain seems to be paralyzed behind the headlights.

And there are no more arms that can shelter me.

To think that recently, my life was different. Very different. When I thought I was starting to live my dream job, I discovered too late that it could be a nightmare.

A beautiful nightmare that started with a contract, tasted like gin and tonic and smelled like Christian Dior perfume...