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“I was there and I could feel the cold. Yet, I could feel...me. I knew I was alive, yet, that place... those rooms, it all felt like something only the dead would see. Like, it was not meant for the living. I don’t know how to explain it. I was so alone...but somehow, I could feel that I wasn’t alone...alone. I knew other people were there just, I knew that they belonged there. Every passageway, every step, every door, it all felt so familiar like it was my reality but I knew that it wasn’t.” Taking a deep breath, Aubrey paused, trying to control her flood of emotions. She couldn’t put it all into words but she knew she had to try. Try for someone’s sake including hers.
“And do you visit this place often?”
Aubrey looked over at Miss Abby and shook her head, smiling lightly. The woman looked like she was barely out of college and yet here she was, sitting across from Aubrey as if she’d done this every single day of her life.
“No. I think I saw it just once and then...I never saw it again.” Aubrey said, running her hands over her face. “Good God, but it still haunts my dreams. It’s like, the memory of this place just pops up and I wake up to these cold sweats and this empty feeling and I know it wasn’t real but I’m terrified. It’s like my mind makes it real. But I know it isn’t.”
Miss Abby writes something down and Aubrey was trying her best to figure out how to leave.
Miss Abby saves her the trouble though. “How about we pick this back up tomorrow or Thursday?”
Aubrey looked at the clock and breathed in a sigh of relief. “Three o’clock already, huh?”
Miss Abby nodded and Aubrey sat up and proceeded to collect her bag off the floor before shaking hands with Miss Abby and leaving the room. The bell rang shortly after and Aubrey walked along with the wave of students all on their way out of the depressing building.
Mrs. Daley waved at Aubrey and tried to hold her bag as she got closer.
“I’ve got it mom, it’s okay.” Aubrey said yet she reluctantly handed over the heavy bag to her mom who took it to the back door and shoved it through the window before opening the front door for Aubrey.
Once they were both in the car, the silence was louder than even the radio. The hum of the engine was drowned but Aubrey could hear her mother’s silent persistent questions trying to pry their way into her mind to find an answer.
“So...” Aubrey began and at once the music was down to a volume of three.
“So?” Mrs. Daley offered, along with her full attention and hopes, Aubrey could hear it all in that one question.
“So, I spoke with Miss Abby...-”
“Miss Abberton.” Mrs. Daley interjected and Aubrey smiled at the slight formality. This was more alike her mom than the version she’d began presented with when the nightmares started again.
“Miss Abberton.” Aubrey repeated. “Yeah, so I talked to her like you suggested.” She wanted to say ’“forced” since her mom had gotten her teachers to excuse her from the last half hour of classes both yesterday and today to ensure that she had time to talk to the guidance counsellor.
“And?” Mrs. Daley asked with that edge that said that Aubrey’s next words would shape their evening.
“And she thinks it’s just a nightmare. She said we can talk again tomorrow and Thursday and that I should be back to basic dreams in no time.” Aubrey lied through her teeth but she couldn’t bring herself to correct any of her words. Her mother was smiling and she couldn’t take that away.
She remembered how her mother had reacted when she’d woken up late that morning, screaming hysterically about the darkness she couldn’t find her way through, about being so cold and so alone and not seeing anyone though she could feel them all. She was surprised her mother hadn’t suggested they take her to the psych ward to “fix” her.
Now here she was weeks later and all that had happened so far was worrying. They refused to let her sleep alone and made sure she always had a light on, if not two or ten.
Therapy. She had suggested it and just like that, everyone was easier.
She had to play it all cool.
Especially after what had happened with Arianna.
Arianna Scott had been having nightmares more outrageous than Aubrey’s could ever be described and she had seen a therapist and apparently concocted such a massive story that her therapist had actually written a note and called her parents in so that they could hear her advice in person. A mental institution. It was like the poor girl hadn’t had enough problems .
Aubrey wanted help yet, she was so scared of where this could all end up. She wanted to be able to finish high school, go to college and have a job that could pay enough for her to help her dad renovate the house and allow her to move out to the city. Sure, she knew that her boyfriend, Connor, would help with everything but she didn’t want to say yes. Saying yes to him felt like she was signing their death sentence; till death do us part. What if he was meant for someone else and she kept him anyway?
“Wonderful.” Mrs. Daley said with actual enthusiasm, not noticing that Aubrey was barely smiling. “Just wonderful.”
The drive home, they simply drove without much conversation. It was the loud kind of peace where one person was satisfied and relieved and the other was suffocating and had so many questions that zoning out was more of a thought than what she intended.
As they pulled into the driveway, Aubrey could see Connor already dashing across the lawn. He was grinning and she couldn’t wait to hear what he had to say. Some good news or funny joke was just what she needed.
Or so she thought.
“I got accepted.” He yelled as he threw open the back door to grab her bag.
He was happy but she knew that this was a different road already. He was going to start running his dad’s store. Big Waie was a hard man to please and sure enough, Connor had gone through the full process of training before actually applying for the manager’s position. This also meant that her dream of living in the city was as sure as fire and meteors finishing off the planet. It would happen someday but not in her lifetime. Especially not when Connor was already setting up his path and it led home.
“Congratulations!” Her mom screamed, throwing her arms around Connor. The response Aubrey should have given. “We are so proud of you, sweetie!”
Aubrey felt her heart tug at the idea of losing Connor. Her family had accepted him. They loved him like a son. To make matters worse, he had practically been living at their house since she’d started screaming like a banshee. It was because of her nightmares that he was allowed full permission to come and go as he pleased and he had not left their side for more than five hours at a time. He was every parent’s dream for their daughter.
Maybe she was just being selfish? Maybe she could stay here and have a happy life with Connor? But college? How could she have the life she wanted if she had to leave them all for college? Would they still let her go?
Aubrey reeled herself back in remembering that her therapy would fix the situation. By the time she had to go, she’d be good as new.
She got out of the car and followed them into her home. Her dad was in the kitchen turning off the stove, the table was set for four and her mom and Connor were walking towards her dad, laughing. Aubrey stood there wishing she could remember how that felt. The cold feeling inside of her never seemed to leave her for a split second.
Putting on a smile, she got into the kitchen and laughed when they laughed, moved when they moved but her mind was back to that place. She felt alone. Somehow, she couldn’t get it out of her head and talking about it didn’t seem to have the effect she had hoped. If anything, it was making it much worse.
