A Guide To Losing Your Sanity

Somewhere, someone has it all. When I say all, I mean every type of sand under the sand. The rich have nothing better to do sometimes. The wealthy keep collecting useless gold, silver, indigo, marine blue, turquoise and maroon vases (why so many colours?) to show off to other affluent people. And when their rich friends have more than them, they buy more. I don’t think their mindset is healthy in the long term. What do they do when their friends buy a book from “Pelon Musk” on how to use cryptobiology in astronomy? Do they buy a book about “Louis XX” on how to sell nudes to worms? Or do they go to Pelon Musk’s house and order him to write another book? I wonder how much money they’d offer. Unlike me, they have millions to spend.

Taxi drivers seem to make less than CEOs today, which is sad. My job is mind-blowing if you take the time to learn about the people you transport. The most fascinating customer I had was this ninety-year-old who talked about his Alzheimer’s. What an attractive man I must say he was! Of course, he’s not good-looking now, but his pictures from his younger days were breathtaking. People like to tell me I’m a crazy man for believing in the power of social interactions, but they’re so powerful. That man was the most exciting and last individual I had driven in my car. You must be wondering how I went from job to jobless; well, it’s nothing extravagant. I just got fired for hitting several vehicles in one morning. If you ask me if I feel guilty, I don’t. Those women were real bitches; they kept on throwing coffee at my window for one of those Tak Tiks. What’s wrong with these people? Oh, and before you panic, dear reader, don’t worry; I pushed the accelerator to ensure they were crushed and mushed before I sent them flying in the air (Their flesh, not their entire bodies; I’m not cruel). Afterwards, my boss told me I had to control my emotions before “throwing fake blood and bodies” on the car and staining it. Come on, did you think I was going to tell the truth? The man’s blind, and humans are a nation of liars. Remember that guy from earlier I told you about? The 90-year-old? Well, he was a runaway dressed up as an older man, but I had fun making you believe the sad, depressing story. Welcome to my introductory to human psychology; you wouldn’t want to know how I obtained this knowledge. How so? Well, I just made you feel sympathetic for me within minutes without doing anything kind. Don’t understand? Let’s just say years of interacting with enlightening people push you to become, as the youth, street smart.