Last Christmas?

I looked around me and saw several people who were admiring me and saying what a great snowwoman I was.

This made no sense!

I’d just been walking along and…

Oh… Memories were returning now… Mugger demanding money… Me kicking mugger’s balls… Mugger shooting me…

And now I was reincarnated as a snowwoman!?!

I stayed very still, for I didn’t want them to realize that I was alive.

Then they all said, “Let’s show the others!” and they dashed inside of a nearby house.

I took this as an opportunity to run! away from them, and I headed straight for the forest!, which hopefully wasn’t very full of humans.

Once I’d gotten probably a mile or so into the forest, I saw a man who was slashing at some thorny bushes for some reason.

“Why are you slashing apart those bushes?” I asked; to which he turned towards me, gawked, and said, “Why are you wearing a snowwoman costume, and who are you?!?”

“It’s not a costume,” I explained patiently, “I was mugged and shot, and then apparently got reincarnated as a snowwoman. I did get a nice kick into the mugger’s balls before he shot me though. Hopefully the pain slowed him down enough that the police somehow caught him. Idk. I guess he’s out of sight, out of mind, ya know?”

“Whatever!” he said, though he still looked pretty confused, “You gonna help me get past these bushes or not?”

“Depends on why you’re trying to get past them.” I answered, “What’s your goal?”

“There’s a princess who’s been trapped deep inside the forest by Krampus!” he cried, to which I responded by asking, “And who exactly is Krampus?”

“Half-man,” he grunted, as he resumed his attack against the thorny bushes, “half-goat, and half-demon!

He’s like the villain of Christmas, and he supposedly only goes after people who’ve misbehaved during the year, but this year he kidnapped a princess and has her trapped in the middle of this forest!”

“Three halves don’t make a whole though.” I reasoned, “Wouldn’t it make more sense that he’d be one third-man, one third-goat, and one third-demon?”

“Don’t know, and don’t care!” the man said frustratedly, “You gonna help me save her or not!?”

“Fine!” I agreed, “But once we reach him I’m going to ask him exactly how much man, goat, and demon he is!” and the two of us both hacked away at the bushes for a while.

After we’d gotten past about a half-mile of bushes, I asked him, “What’s your name, anyway?” and he answered that, “The name’s Malin. What’s yours?”

“I’m Tyra.” I said; and we went back to the tedious task of getting past the seemingly endless bushes.

Suddenly!, a voice said, “I am Krampus, and you two fools will never save the Princess! Muahahahahahahaha! Getting to the part of the forest where I’m holding her captive is just too difficult!”

“Sounds to me like you’re getting scared, you evil monster!” Malin angrily scoffed, “We’ll save her! Mark my words!”

“Yeah!” I added, “And what are you, anyway? One third-man, one third-goat, and one-third demon?”

“What I am is 100% the owner of the Princess!” Krampus gloated unhelpfully, “And I’ll use her to gain so much power that almost nobody will ever celebrate Christmas again!

That’s right! This will be the last Christmas that is ever widely celebrated, because my little scheme with the Princess will insure that most people will bow to my will and be too afraid to celebrate Christmas!

Your only chance at stopping me is if you can rescue the Princess within 1 month, but it’s not really a chance because there’s a 0% chance that you’ll succeed!

Say goodbye to Christmas!, because I’m putting an end to it once and for all! Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha!…”