His Dark Soul

I don’t believe in love anymore.

Don’t get me wrong. I did.

God, I was an absolute fool for love. More times than I care to admit.

But I’ve been broken too many times now. Made to feel like a fool over and over again.

No.

Love can go and suck my proverbial dick.

The credits roll on yet another trashy love story where the guy gets the girl, the girl gets the guy, and they ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after until the day they die.

“Blah, blah, BLAH!”

I scream at the television, launching the last few Oreos at the screen.

Yeah…

I’m at that stage of heartbreak.

The messy, haven’t-showered-in-three-days, permanently-living-in-my-Oodie-and-messy-bun kind of stage.

“What a load of shit,” I mutter at the television. “Love like that doesn’t exist in real life, Carole! Run for the hills while you still can. He’ll only break your heart anyway.”

Did I mention I’m also at the stage where I’m sat alone, stuffing my face, smelling like roadkill and arguing with fictional characters?

Fucking pathetic.

I’m thirty-two, slightly overweight, under-loved, and damn tired of waking up every morning only to discover my life is still one massive shit show.

Why me?

Why can’t I have the happiness these idiots on the TV seem to stumble into so effortlessly?

Why?

Why?

Why?!

I push myself to my feet, swaying slightly as the room tilts around me.

An empty bottle of Shiraz topples onto the carpet.

Not that I’d drunk the whole thing by myself…

Obviously.

“Unlike you, Carole,” I slur, pointing accusingly at the television, “I don’t need a man.”

Poor Carole.

I don’t know what she’d ever done to deserve this level of abuse, but she’s getting it anyway.

“Watch this space, Carole.” I jab a finger at the screen. “I’m gonna do this on my own. I’m about to prove to every small-dicked prick who’s ever broken my heart that I am worth it!”

I scan the room as though every one of those arseholes is sitting in my cluttered living room.

Smirking.

Waiting for me to fail.

Revelling in every bad decision and every broken piece of me.

“I’ll prove every single one of you wrong.”

I point dramatically around the room.

“Just you wait and see.”

I snatch my car keys from the coffee table, the metal jingling between my fingers.

“Even if it kills me.”

I don’t know what I was thinking when I decided to throw on my coat, head out of the front door and climb into my car.

I wish I’d just gone to bed.

Tucked myself beneath the duvet and told myself tomorrow would be a better day.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I got behind the wheel.

Tears streamed down my face, my head fuzzy from the wine.

And I drove.

I drove until the tears and alcohol finally stole every ounce of sense I had left.

Until I was no longer capable of driving safely.

Until the headlights caught the trunk of a tree rushing towards me far too late.

The impact was deafening.

Metal screamed.

Glass exploded around me.

Then… silence.

I was trapped.

Pinned beneath twisted metal as flames began to lick through the engine, slowly creeping closer.

Was he worth this?

The question drifted through my mind.

Were any of them worth it?

A weak laugh escaped my lips.

“No…”

My voice was barely more than a whisper.

“They really weren’t.”

Then everything went dark.