Chapter 1
This book is written as last of five but in terms of the timeline it is the first one. They are all standalone stories about the army buddies. I started to write this book and suddenly the characters from the other sequence joined this story as well as it did in three as on.
Note: it’s my vision of America as a Dutch woman and tried to understand the football game. And a bit exaggerating probably:)
Another note: probably it is much worse for someone who has to miss their leggs than is written in this story, I tried to come close in understanding
I
It was so deafeningly quiet that it overshadowed even the screaming pain in every cell of her body. She was clearly not dead, although that strange deathly silence might indicate that. She was lying on a bed, her back hurting, but not necessarily because of the underground. She had once learned to scan her body for where the pain was really located so that it didn't overwhelm her. She started with her toes... She didn't feel anything there. She tried to wiggle them. It didn't work. She suddenly felt very hot. She wanted to open her eyes, but she couldn't. With difficulty, she suppressed the panic that rose in her throat. With all her strength, she brought her attention back to her legs. Her ankles, her calves, her shins. The tension shot into her chest with nerves. The pain was there, terrible pain came from there! Just below her knees... both of them. And her thighs, that’s where she felt a sharp pain, aching itching, raw as if there were cuts in them. She went back again, trying to move her toes one more time. It didn't work. She moaned... She knew she was moaning, she felt she was moaning, but she didn't hear it. Oh God. Ik ben doof…I'm deaf... "NEE! NO!" she screamed. She didn't hear it. Maybe it was temporary. She tried to remember what had happened. Her head was empty and so terribly quiet except for her worrisome thoughts. She couldn't even see where she was. Was she also blind? There was something cold on her eyes. She lifted the cool pack with one hand and felt her eyes. To test, she wiggled the fingers of her other hand. At least her arms and hands still worked. Her eyelids were thick. Hopefully that was just it. She tried to remember what had happened, but nothing came up except old memories. She surrendered to them for a moment...
She had followed her dream. Because her parents wanted it, so that she could fall back on something, she had followed a higher professional education before pursuing her dream. She loved running, challenging herself, wanting to see if she could survive in the wilderness and helping to protect people with what she had learned. She wanted to join the army.
At the time, she had had a dear friend, her neighbor, Declan. He also had a dream. He wanted to be an American football player, a quarterback. He understood her and she understood him. That's why they parted ways there. She had loved him, she still loved him and she knew he loved her, but they also understood that not following that dream would drive them apart as well. If it was meant to be, they would meet again. They had kept in touch. Every now and then just a message. She, to ask if he was okay and congratulate him when she saw that he had won a competition, he, to just ask how she was doing, to ask if she was taking care.
They had both achieved their goal. He played professional American football. Maybe her parents could add him to their team. They had been following her mother's dream for a few years now, she loved American football, and therefore also loved Declan. She smiled. Her mother was American, her father a successful, super rich Dutch businessman. He had sold half of his businesses when a football team came up for sale. In America. Her mother had come to the Netherlands for her father and now they exchanged. She smiled again when she thought of her dear parents. Her father was all about business when he was at work, but always so sweet to her mother, her sister and her.
Slowly she sank into a sleep again, despite the pain that had been drawn from her body to her knees. Her head hurt too. But she was so tired...
When she woke up again, she saw Shannae and Colin, the medics, standing at her bedside. She realized she had opened her eyes. It was a bit murky, but at least it was something. She saw Colin talking to her, oh, oh, oh... Tears sprang to her eyes, she couldn't hear him! "Ik kan je niet horen, I can't hear you," she cried, and when she couldn't hear herself, she started crying even harder. Crying wasn't for her, she couldn't remember how long ago she had cried. Only when she said goodbye to Declan. Panic swept through her. She wanted to get up, but her hand was connected to an IV.
She looked at his lips, she could make something out of it, but he also made a writing motion. Colin sat down, apparently he had a lot to say. Shannae did an examination, checked her eyes, her ears, her blood pressure. Shannae wanted to lift the sheet, but was stopped by Colin. It seemed as if he was saying: wait a minute, before he continued writing. She nodded worriedly and Sky felt hot, a wave of heat suddenly rolling over her. It was clear that something was very wrong. Colin held out the notepad to her. She took it quickly. "Your team was attacked and a mortar hit close to you as you walked back to them after grabbing something from the car. The rest of your team is fine.
As a soldier, he knew that was the first thing she would think of. She could still remember that she had walked back to the car, but not what she had taken and certainly not that she had already walked back to her team. They had, of course, focused on the car. She continued reading. You have been thrown away, the blow and the thump with which you landed have most likely damaged your cochlea. We did our best to save your legs, luckily we were able to keep your knees. Your recovery will take about three weeks. Then you can go home to continue your rehabilitation. He spoke, wrote, like a real doctor, always ending with something positive. It almost made her laugh. The funny thing was that she didn't worry so much about her legs, but not being able to hear anything... She already hated it. She cried silently, tears rolling down her temples into her hair.
"Ik… ga….praten…. I... Go... Talking, this... is... weird." She shook her head, but stopped immediately when pains shot through her brain and squeezed her eyes shut. She picked up the block she had placed on her lap and pointed with her hand to the pen Colin was still holding. I'm going to talk, she wrote, but I can't hear it so excuse me if it comes across as weird.
"Okay, um... I don't mind my legs as much as my ears. Isn't it going to be okay?" Colin shook his head. Her chin slumped to her chest. "Yesterday I took care of my feet and painted my nails." Shannae pointed to her eyes that she had seen it, a small smile on her face. "How's that? Cut off legs and put them away?"
"Horrible," she saw them both say emotionally.
"Can I bury my legs?" Shannae picked up the block and the pen. I'll talk to the captain about it. I've heard more about that, can help with processing," she wrote, speaking out loud to Colin. He nodded. "Let's do it." He pointed her to the alarm button, in case she needed them.
"Thank you."
"Are you in pain, Skyler?" asked Shannae, clearly articulating.
"A little. It's doable." She wanted to take as little pain relief as possible, but she wasn't the kind of person who would reject it if it kept her from sleep.
She spread her arms invitingly, she needed a hug from her friends. Then Shannae lifted the sheet to see if the bandage still looked good. Skyler felt like if she looked at someone else's legs. She looked away at Colin. "Where's my phone," she had a weird tendency to speak slowly.
"Broken," Colin said slowly, he picked up the notepad again, but we'll arrange a new one with your parents' number and Tall Fin is, if all goes well, transferring everything. She gave him an air kiss. "Thank you."
Tall Fin... She smiled. When they introduced him, she thought he was from Finland, but his name was Finley. They had worked together for a month with different teams and he was one of them, as was Roel, who worked with sniffer dogs, and Ian who was a fire brigade. Then there were triplets, or twins and an older brother, but none of them could tell them apart. Devil was there too. Those man's eyes, Damian was his real name, were as dark as his hair and his skin was white... vampire as a nickname would have been more appropriate. She was going to miss them. Shannae and Colin. She had to leave way too early. A tear ran down her cheeks and she fell asleep crying.
When she woke up, her friends were standing around the bed. She had forgotten what was going on for a moment, but with the awakening came the pain and the reality, also because she couldn't hear them. "Being deaf does have its advantages." She saw Devil writing, his face furrowed in an angry mockery. Oh yes, so what? Really something for you to see an advantage in this.
"At least I won't be woken up by your snoring or whining anymore." They laughed with difficulty. She saw that Fin and one of the Graysons, one of the triplets, they called them by their last names, then at least they were right, was also writing. Fin was the first to hold out the notebook to her. We'll go with you if you're going to bury your legs. She smiled, tears in her eyes.
"That's so sweet, thank you." She sent him an air kiss. The Grayson asked if she needed anything. Whatever you want, we're going to try to get it done, he had written.
"Not at the moment, I don't have the energy for anything, but thank you, if I come up with something, you'll hear it. It's so weird to talk, not hear yourself, just a vibration. I'm glad I know how to talk." They nodded in understanding.
Fin began to write again: As soon as you feel better, we will come and get you for your leg burial. Skyler chuckled.
"That's great, hopefully it won't take too long or they'll walk away on their own." She loved that she managed to make those dejected faces dissolve into a happy laughter.
They tried their best to strike up a conversation, but it just didn't work that way with pen and paper. When they saw that Sky was getting tired, they said goodbye with a kiss on her cheek. "I'm so glad I saw you and that you all are fine," she said emotionally.
"You... are... a... sweetheart," Colin said, "we... feel... so... very... sorry... this... happened… to you." She shook her head.
"It probably has to be that way. Doesn't matter. Please don't worry about it. I'm going to get those grasshopper-like prosthetics and go back to running at home. Or in America with my parents." They chuckled for a moment at that grasshopper-like. They all imagined it.
When they wanted to leave, Fin suddenly thought of something. He turned around and fished her cell phone out of his pocket. He picked up the notepad again. All our numbers are in there, those of your parents and the rest of your contacts. It's great that we can use the app now. It's faster. If there's anything, just text. You know we can't always respond, but as soon as we can you read :) us. No code to open. I also put some pictures of all of us. You don't have to miss us so much. As soon as she had read it, she opened her arms again. As far as her body allowed, he took her in a tight embrace and kissed her on the cheek.
"As soon as... we... can... we… come... along... but... in the meanwhile… we text." She nodded and he waved until he was out the door.
She grabbed the cellphone. They had given her a great luxury, a great phone too. On the home screen they were all in a happy group photo, she remembered when it was taken, they had had so much fun. Fin had also created a group app. There was already a message in it. We love you, text you if you miss us. Oh how sweet. I love you guys too, she types and hit send. Then she looked for her father's number. She actually wanted to text her mother, but her father would be better able to get her message across.
Dad, don't be alarmed, but I... She took away the ‘don’t be alarmed’ because she hated it when someone started like that. It was a line that immediately put you up against the roof. Okay gone. Um... Dad, I'm coming home soon, for good. I had an accident and now I have to miss my lower legs. Unfortunately, I can't call you. Because my ears don't work either. I can go home in about three weeks. Her sister didn't have a communication app and she couldn't make phone calls, so left it to her parents to keep her informed.
It was eight hours earlier than here, so it would be a while before they would read her message. It was four o'clock in the morning where they lived. Too bad, she needed her parents.
She was starting to get hungry, she had no idea how long ago the accident had been. She decided to send Shannae a message. Before she had the chance, a nurse walked in with a tray. She greeted her with a smile and placed the tray on a mobile table that she immediately slid over to her. Then the nurse grabbed her cell phone and started typing. I've brought you lunch, you'll be hungry by now. She gave her cell phone to Skyler. "I was just thinking about it. Do you have any idea how long ago the accident was?" The nurse raised two fingers. Sky laughed surprised.
"It's only natural that I'm hungry." The nurse picked up her cell phone again and started typing. I'm Corinne, I'm here during the day. I pop in on you regularly. Maybe it's an idea to learn sign language, as occupational therapy? Then you can practice on me, it's been a while, but that's why it's good for me to brush it up.
"I don't think it makes much sense, I don't know anyone who knows sign language, but at least I have something to do. Good idea." Corinne nodded.
"Eat... Enjoy." Sky smiled.
"Thank you."
She was surprised that she could get something down her throat, but it tasted surprisingly good. When she had finished eating, she pushed the tray off of her and dropped back into her pillow. She was tired again. Her body had to work hard, not only to heal, but also to process it emotionally. She thought it was strange that missing her lower legs didn't bother her much, but her ears... She hated it. No more birds to hear, or anyone walking behind her. Beautiful voices, Declan's voice, music. Well, help yourself into depression! She was going to go home again. How right her mother had been that she had to get an education before joining the army. Maybe her parents wanted to hire her, if there was a vacancy, that is. She didn't want charity.
If some of her hearing came back, she might be able to hear more with a hearing aid. She had made a joke about it, but she would try to see if she could walk with a prosthesis, maybe even run. She fell asleep again, she was almost afraid to sleep because sometimes she woke up in panic and then again was confronted by the strange silence, with pain, emotionally and physically, worrying about how to go on. Oh God, help me! Then she put a hand on her heart and stomach and began to count the length of her breathing. Four in, four out...
When she woke up this time, there was a message from her father. He texted that they would come to her. She struggled to convince them not to do that, no matter how much she wanted to, but it was going to be a hard journey and what was the point? There was nothing they could do anyway.
Her father promised instead that he would find a rehabilitation doctor and that she could rehabilitate in the sports room in the stadium, that he would make adjustments there, and in their house, where necessary. She sighed, which sounded good. Maybe she didn't have to live intern. In a clinic or something.
