Chapter 1
Noah
The heavy rainfall rolls off the brim of my hat as I look down at the vacant, bloodshot eyes of the dead prostitute. The blue and red lights from the police cruiser flash on her pale skin, highlighting the bruising forming on her neckline.
A chill rushes through my body on this cool, damp November evening. This is the third strangulation of a sex worker this month. All with the same MO. Early twenties, long hair, slender build, strangled. This fucker is getting on my nerves. People treat these women as if they are worthless, disposable, but they are people too.
They didn’t deserve to die this way.
Now I will have to show up to some apartment to inform her parents, or someone caring for her child, of the horrible news that their daughter or mother has passed away just trying to make a buck to survive this difficult life.
My eyes seal shut with dread as I cover her body, waiting for the coroner to remove her and take her back to the lab to do a full examination and confirm the cause of death.
I let out a sigh as I continue to look down at the covered body. Trying to come to terms with that fact that we may have a serial killer on our hands, while crime scene investigators move around me collecting any evidence they can find.
“What do you think, boss?” My new hire and partner, Jack Mars, asks from behind me. I go to stand, and he watches me from under his umbrella.
“I think he’s escalating. The other murders were in motel rooms, homes, this is in a back alley, in the open, higher risk of being caught, a crime of passion and opportunity. I’m willing to bet the autopsy will show she was sexually assaulted as well. Just like the others.”
“What a sick fuck. This makes six total in the past five months.” He mutters.
“Yep, far too many forgotten souls out here in these streets. These bastards think they can get away with it.”
And so far this one has.
My job is starting to wear me thin. It seems every time I put some piece of shit away, another is picking up where the other left off. It’s a never ending, thankless job working as a homicide detective in the city with one of the worst crime rates in the country.
After a decade on the job, I’m over it.
The constant feeling of doom, the never ending negative emotions I experience as a result of the horrific crimes I see, all of it takes a serious toll on every aspect of my life.
It makes it difficult to maintain relationships, friendship or romantic, when you’re always on call and have to stop what you’re doing at the drop of a hat. When murders happen every single night, at every hour, and the quest of solving the case consumes your mind when you’re not on the clock. It’s hard for people to tolerate your bad moods, and lack of attention, and I can’t say I blame them.
Friends are hard to find as a result, and every single woman I’ve dated since I started this job has broken up with me because of it.
I live in a one bedroom apartment in a decent part of town, but I am never there because I work twelve hour days. I eat out constantly, and I barely sleep. And when I can’t sleep, I go to the gym downstairs to work out my frustrations, or, I have a drink to take the edge off.
Leading a quality, well balanced life is not something I am an example of.
After we leave the crime scene, and deliver the news to her family, Jack and I drive back to the precinct in silence with nothing but the sound of the wiper blades scraping back and forth across the windshield until he finally breaks the silence.
“Does that ever get easier?”
I stare straight ahead. “Nope.” And with my solemn response, the car returns to silence until we pull into the parking lot of the station.
We walk into the old, unkempt building. The roof is leaking from all the rain this week, with buckets placed all over the floors catching every drop that seeps through the cracks. Sadly the constant dispute between municipal and state funding slows our progress for getting anything done, including much needed repairs.
“Start up on that report, I’m going to talk to the Captain.” I tell Jack and he nods at me, accepting his place to do the bitch work that I will review and sign off on when it’s completed. I throw my coat onto my chair and remove my wet hat as he sits at his desk across from mine and gets to work.
My shoes squeak on the floor from my wet soles as I walk up to the office. I knock on the door and he waves me in.
“Madden, come in, come in.” He says with a mouthful of donut. Captain Bikowski fits the stereotypical fat cop description, only because he became a desk jockey with this promotion five years ago. The rest of us are actually in shape because we have to be, and because we are always out and about working, rarely with an opportunity to sit down and take a load off, or eat. Which Bikowski clearly does too much of.
“What can I do for you?” I close the door behind me and take a seat across the desk from him.
All I can hear is the sound of water dripping into a bucket that is placed to the right of him.
I sigh and run my hand through my hair and start fixing my ponytail as I speak. “We found another dead prostitute, this time outside in the back alley behind a bar. He’s escalating. It was pretty obvious she was strangled, we just need the coroner to confirm the cause of death and whether there was a sexual assault.”
“Okay?” He looks at me like he doesn’t know what I expect him to do about it.
“If it's the same guy, he's entering serial killer territory here. I don’t know captain, it just feels like this shit never ends. The cases never end up solved, and if they do, the guy is walking free on bail or out of prison within months. In this case, these girls’ lives serve no value in the court system, it’s defeating. They are people’s daughters, sisters, mothers. I feel helpless.” I finish tightening my ponytail and lean further back in the chair.
“These cases practically solve themselves with the fact they never will be solved, we rarely find the guys. Just another horny bastard who can’t contain his anger, or regret for the decisions he’s made in life that led him to seeking a prostitute to begin with. Nothing we can do, that’s the job.” He says so nonchalantly my face twists with disgust at how passive he’s being about this. The guy has three fucking daughters.
“But there has to be a way to protect these girls, we need to warn them.”
“There isn’t, Noah. I can’t have a man out there doing security to every sex worker in the city, there’s not enough funding for that. I can’t even get these assholes to fix a fucking roof!” He gestures to the bucket on the desk beside him. “You just have to do the reports and move on, hope the next time he does it, he gives a clue as to who he is. We have good benefits, get some therapy to help cope with it.”
I tap my fingers on my knees as my leg jitters up and down. “Is that all? I’m a busy man.” He says and takes another bite of donut.
“Yes, sir. I’m going to call it a night. Jack is doing the paperwork.” He waves me off and I exit his office feeling worse than before. Bikowski has never been good at helping his men work through the stresses of the job. He’s a hard ass, an old school man not in touch with his feelings, so he’s not really open to hearing about yours.
I approach my desk to see Jack typing away. “Jack, I’m heading out. When you’re finished with the paperwork you can head home too. I’ll read and sign off on it tomorrow.”
“Yes, sir!” He gives me a military salute and smiles at me as I grab my coat and hat. The enthusiastic bastard is still happy-go-lucky. He’s married with a new baby, the job hasn’t tainted him yet in the mere six months he’s been here.
I give him a nod and don’t smile back, I don’t have much to smile about these days.
I walk towards the door and as I pass I see Raymond Whalen give me a look. I fucking hate that guy. A few months ago, he fucked my girlfriend, Miranda, and she left me for him. Claiming I sucked the life out of her, and that Ray filled that cup again after she met him at the department's charity gala.
Sadly for her she will see he’s no different given more time in the job. These newbs have no fucking clue. I’m one of the only guys left in homicide that were here when I started, the department cycling out men frequently who can’t handle the position long term, which led me to a quick rise to lead homicide detective in the unit.
Their affair makes me even more miserable working here, thankfully she never comes by, but the look he gives me every day tells me the same thing, they’re still fucking.
On the way home I stop for a shitty convenience store pizza at the twenty-four hour shop up the street and grab a six pack of beer. I park my car in the parking garage and take the elevator to my apartment. I open the squeaky door and walk into a plain, quiet, lonely apartment. The only sound is the patter of the rain on the window.
I turn on the sports highlights and open a beer and start to eat my shitty pizza. I get two pieces in and my phone buzzes on the table.
The message is from Natalie. She sends me a nightly text message before she goes to bed, her way of checking in on me.
I smile as soon as I see the picture of Nattie with Penny, smiling ear to ear with mashed potatoes all over her face. Both of them look so bright and happy in the LA sunlight at their outdoor dining table. It’s these little moments she sends me that bring me back to life. They are precious and always put a smile on my face.
Penny is now a year and a half old and absolutely adorable. The photo warms my heart and leaves me with a feeling of longing at the same time.
I think back to Ethan’s offer. I’ve visited them a lot in the past year and he continues to offer me the job, and a place to stay. The only time I smile these days is when I’m with them. What they have is what I want in life.
I look outside at the dreary night and let out a sigh after taking another bite of pizza.
I draft up an email to my union rep and Captain to tell them I’m taking a leave of absence until I can decide whether I want to return to my job, or move on, which will likely be the case. There is more to life than being miserable and I want to spend it with the people I love most in this world, little Pen Pen, Molly, Nattie and Ethan.
My belly fills with some warmth now that I’ve decided what I’m doing.
I’m moving to LA.
