Chapter 1
❄️I❄️
He kissed nice, a bit awkwardly, not just his fault. They let go of each other and looked at each other. They tried again. They were in love, or at least they thought they were, but they didn't feel it in their kisses. She sensed that he didn't feel it either. They looked at each other again, shook their heads and laughed at the same time. "You know I love you, don't you?" She looked at him questioning his words. "Yes really, I do love you, for a long time, ever since we met at my client, your employer, but apparently not in this way." Noëlle nodded in understanding and chuckled. They had worked closely together to create an advertising campaign for a new computer game he had created with his company.
"No, huh?”, she agreed, “you kiss nicely, but we don't feel each other in this." They had kissed some more, because it was very pleasant and they needed it somehow, but there was no passion.
Since then, she and Patrick, a slender giant with auburn hair and light brown eyes, have been very good friends. They laughed often and a lot, especially when they recalled that memory of their fumbling around. He stood by her when her parents died in an accident. She was sitting in the back seat when an oncoming car did not adjust its speed to the suddenly cold winter weather. They were returning from a visit to her father's sister. Noëlle got along very well with her aunt and uncle's children, so when they celebrated her uncle's birthday, she liked to come along.
She got out of it pretty well herself, physically speaking, dislocated her shoulder, a concussion and whiplash. The shoulder was relocated soon enough, but the whiplash gave her discomfort. She barely felt it. Her grief dominated everything.
Fortunately, her uncles and aunts from both parents had helped her arrange the funeral. Tears threatened to run down her cheeks as she thought about them again, but they didn't fall. It had been busy. Her parents were very social, it was a bit of comfort that they were missed so much. Now it was all over. More than three weeks, four since the accident. She looked at the funeral card, tears in her eyes again. She had to keep moving because of the whiplash, but she didn't feel like doing anything. She couldn't bring herself to do anything. She sat cross-legged on her comfortable sofa, under a blanket, feeling that it was not cold in the house at all. It just seemed like she never got warm inside again. Her hands and feet were cold, her back, her stiff shoulders and neck.
The doorbell rang, but she didn't have the energy to get up. Moments later, she heard the back door open. "Noëlle, are you home?"
"My back door is open, yes I'm home," she scoffed at her friend, Caro, in a husky voice as if she hadn't used it in a long time. That was probably true. Or so she thought. Could be, she didn't know when she had last said something. Her friends came by every day, but had she said anything? She didn't know. She had nodded or shaken her head, she knew that she had done thát, it was still very painful. Caro entered the living room from the kitchen. Her cheerful self in her open red lined coat with the same red turtleneck sweater and wool plaid skirt down to her sturdy padded boots. She pulled her knitted hat off her dark red ringlets. People thought they were sisters because they had almost the same hair, that color and the curls even though Caro's curls were real ringlets. Because of that hair, they had become friends. Only Caro had dark brown eyes and Noëlle had gray ones. And freckles, Caro didn't have those. Noëlle heard that someone was busy in the kitchen. "Is Patrick here too?" She looked at her friend with a stiff motion and only with her eyes at the kitchen
"Yes, he makes some coffee. We have a great idea."
"Oh," Noëlle struggled to get it out. She wasn't in the mood for fun ideas, she was too emotionally tired for that. Caro took off her coat.
"Warm here." Noëlle shook her shoulders and a sharp pain shot through her neck and shoulders, which she tried not to show and forced her shoulders to hang relaxed again.
Patrick entered the cozy, very warm living room. "Pooh, warm here." Caro chuckled.
"That's what I said."
"It's because you're coming out of the cold." Caro walked over to the thermostat.
"My goodness, it's twenty-three degrees here!" She immediately turned it down.
"Then it's broken." Patrick and Caro shook their heads.
"Here, a latte. Drink it right away, maybe it warms you up a little from the inside out." Patrick put the tray with the coffee on the ottoman for all three of them and handed over her mug. She gratefully accepted it and warmed her hands on the mug.
"Listen, this grief is not going away anytime soon. It doesn't have to, but we've come up with something that's going to be a bit of a distraction."
"Patrick is taking you to his family," Caro added with a big expectant smile. It took Caro too long for Patrick to throw out his surprise. Slowly, Noëlle tried to shake her head until her whiplash put an end to it and shooting pains hurt her head. She squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm not in the mood for that," she said slowly, drawlingly.
"We know that, but whether you're here or you're with me and my family, it's a lot cozier and my grandmother can cook wonderfully. You're only half of who you were. This can no longer be the case. When was the last time you ate? That food that everyone brings you? Where's that?"
She looked guilty. She usually took a bite of it, it never tasted good, it made her gag and then she put it on the low roof of her shed for the seagulls and sparrows. They were very happy with it. It was the only time of the day she went outside, the only time she moved her shoulders. Caro plopped down on the couch next to her and put her arm around her. "Go with Patrick. Just take your mind off things."
"Is it warm where your family lives? Spain or something?" she asked, hopefully. Her voice sounded tired, as it had been since the accident. She had trouble concentrating and her whole head, shoulders and neck hurt and were stiff, which also made her so tired.
"No, not really, but in terms of atmosphere and love, not in terms of temperature," he chuckled. Her expression darkened again.
"We have a fireplace in every room," he tried, in an encouraging tone.
"They live in Scotland," Caro said. Noelle's eyes shot open in shock.
"You're not serious?" Caro nodded with a grin. "Are you coming with me?"
"No, I can't leave the girls alone, now that it's so busy this time of year. Everyone wants Christmas arrangements, they fly of the shelves, it is difficult to keep up." Caro owned a flower and plant shop. "And I'm expected to be with my family at Christmas. I haven't seen my family in a long time..." That it can suddenly end and you had to cherish them lingered in the air.
"So did my family."
"Would you rather go there?" asked Patrick. She shook her head, cautiously now. She didn't want to burden them even more with her melancholy and emphasize the grief of losing their beloved brother and sister by spending Christmas with one of them.
"Well then it's settled. You go with Patrick. You can't just sit here. Then you'll be dead when we come back." She shook her shoulders again, sending a twinge of pain through her body. She didn't care anymore.
As if she had said it out loud, Patrick said: "We do care. I once said I love you and I know Caro does too. As soon as we finish the coffee we will all pack warm clothes for you and everything else you need, then you and I will leave for Scotland. You can stay there, you have to stay there, until you feel that you are able to go to work and clean up your parents' house. Your family is going to start there after New Year's." Noëlle made a protesting sound. "They sort everything out and keep everything in boxes that are important or of emotional value. If they have any doubts, they will let me know and I will pass it on to you at the right time. I've already told your work that you need a change of scenery and that you're not available. In any case, I'm glad you have your own house, otherwise you probably wouldn't have even gotten out of bed." She shook her shoulders again, her face contorted with pain, she did that, always forgetting that her shoulders were stiff and sore.
They were not used to this from her, she was cheerful, liked to laugh, always up for doing something fun. She was a shadow of herself. Patrick was relieved to see that she was drinking her coffee. Caro and he had finished the coffee already. They watched Noëlle drink her coffee with small mice sips. They both waited impatiently for her to finally put the mug on the tray. Caro pulled her to her feet. Black spots danced before her eyes. She raised her hand slowly.
"Hey, wait a minute... I got up too fast," she said languidly, like she spoke lately. She missed the worried look her friends exchanged with each other.
"Have you eaten today?", Patrick asked against his better judgment. She shrugged her shoulders again. "You have to stop doing that," he burst out. "It's terrible what happened to you, but if your life was meant to end, you would have gone at the same time as your parents. Do you think your mom and dad want to see you like that?" His Scottish accent for the first time since she knew him, clearly audible. Noëlle was shocked by his outburst and began to cry. The tears were high every day, but they didn't really want to come, just a tear every now and then, that's all. Patrick felt bad, but this was the first time he had seen her cry. He wrapped his big strong body around her and let her cry all her sorrow against his chest. Caro came up behind her and put her arms around them as well. They stood like this in the house for a long time until it got dark. Caro and Patrick broke away from her as her sobs turned to sighs. "Come on, let's pack a suitcase quickly, so you can be on the plane in an hour,”pushed Caro.
"How?" asked Noëlle hoarsely.
"My plane is waiting for us. I'll let my pilot know we'll be a little late."
She knew he was rich, but she hadn't had to deal with it like that before. Noëlle felt a little lighter because of the crying, although she did have a nagging feeling in her head. Her shoulders also seemed a little less stiff. She quickly walked up the stairs with Caro, as far as she had the energy for it, and pulled her warmest clothes out of the closet. Caro made sure that there were also some elegant garments in the suitcase, even though Noëlle protested that she didn't put them on anyway. Noëlle grabbed her flannel tartan pajamas from the closet. She was glad she had two and took off the one she had been wearing for the past few weeks, hoping she could wash it there and if not, she would wash it in the bathroom. Caro grabbed underwear from the drawer, filled a toiletry bag with make-up and other care products that Noëlle protested she didn't need at all. Noëlle threw in some sweatpants and leggings with stiff movements and closed the suitcase. "What you're missing, you can probably buy there somewhere… maybe." Caro made a face. She had the idea that Patrick's family lived in the middle of nowhere.
"I don't need anything. I hope his family doesn't expect me to help with everything. I simply don't have the energy for it." Tears threatened again. She had thought that she had just thrown everything out.
"Patrick explained the state you're in. But it's good that you get a little exercise. For the distraction and for your whiplash." Noëlle nodded.
Even though she didn't feel like doing anything, she knew it was better for her to move. If it didn't work, she would ask Patrick to take her home. She would tell him so, too. Patrick came running up the stairs.
"Are you ready?" They nodded. "Good, put on your coat. Um, first some clothes, Noëlle."
She had just taken off her pajamas and forgot to put anything back on. She was there in a pair of briefs and a simple white T-shirt. Patrick took her in and shook his head. She had a beautiful body, he colored a little, but even the shapeless T-shirt showed that she had become skinny. Caro dived back into her closet and pulled out an elegant but warm, onepiece pantsuit and grabbed one of the last bras from the chest of drawers. Noëlle had nice clothes, but she didn't wear any of them the last few weeks. At the time, she was only wearing pajamas or sweatpants. Hopefully that would change now. "Freshen up and get dressed quickly," Patrick admonished.
Five minutes later, Noëlle and Caro came out of her bathroom, Noëlle looked a lot better than when Caro and Patrick had seen her sitting on the couch this afternoon. He put an arm around his girlfriends and pushed them towards the stairs. Then he packed the suitcase and followed them. "Go with Patrick. I'll walk through your house and shut down. I don't need to water plants because you've already killed them," Caro chuckled. Noëlle flushed. She felt guilty and the tears came up again, it seemed as if crying once had opened a dam. "Don't worry about that, I'll bring them back to life, it's not that bad, I was just teasing," she said, startled.
They said goodbye with a warm hug and Noëlle looked as if she wanted to go back inside. "No, don't back down. It's going to be a lot of fun, you'll see and you won't come back until you feel a bit like yourself again."
"And if that's going to take months?" Patrick grabbed her by the shoulders and looked at her.
"Then it takes months, I can work from my home. We're going to make sure you take your time and you don't have to worry about taking advantage of our hospitality for too long, okay? I've told about you and they're happy to help you, by the way, they don't come until Christmas and only stay for a few days." He took a scarf from the coat rack and a thick elegant coat and a pair of long warm boots.
"Oh, wait a minute," Caro said quickly. She grabbed the pair of pumps and an evening bag that were also there, unzipped the suitcase and placed them neatly on the clothes while Patrick wrapped the scarf around Noëlle's neck, pulled a warm hat over her curls and ears and buttoned her coat.
Noëlle protested. "When am I going to use it?"
"You never know, maybe at Christmas." Patrick directed her to the waiting car. The driver took the suitcase from him.
"Everything alright, Mr. Woods." He looked inquisitively at Noëlle.
"Yes, Paul, we had some trouble persuading her." Noëlle looked apologetic. "Sorry." Patrick shook his head and opened the door for her. In the meantime, the driver had put the suitcase in the trunk and held the door on the other side of the car open for Patrick.
"To the airport, sir?"
"Yes, please."
Moments later, they drove away, waving briefly to Caro who was still standing in the doorway. "Looking forward to your holiday, Paul"
"Well, actually, sir." He grinned at Patrick through the rearview mirror. Patrick explained to Noëlle: "Now that we are in Scotland for an indefinite period of time, Paul is also on holiday. At most, if he has to drive someone for the business, but otherwise he can do whatever he wants. "Do you know what you're going to do with all that freedom?"
"Well, my daughter has bought a new house and there is quite a lot to be done in it. I'm going to help out and I can also babysit my grandchildren a bit more with my wife."
"So you kind of hope we stay away for a long time," Patrick grinned at him.
"Actually, sir," Paul chuckled back.
"You see Noëlle," he said, looking at his girlfriend, who was struggling to focus on the conversation and keep her eyes open. She slept badly, he knew. "You don't have to worry about us staying in Scotland for too long. In any case, Paul is happy with that." Noëlle smiled laboriously.
"I'll do my best to stall my time there."
"No, please don't, miss. Just make sure you feel well again as soon as possible. My daughter will manage without me, she always has." Patrick and Paul burst out laughing.
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