Death Is A Bottom?!?

Having my insides clawed out of my stomach while on my spontaneous midnight coffee run wasn’t on the cards for my 2024 bingo, but yet, here we are.

Usually, the monsters and ghosts I caught glimpses of throughout my life are pretty tame. I mean, sure, sometimes I’d wake up in the middle of the night and see a bootleg version of Bloody Mary hovering over my bed and burying their empty eye sockets over my face, mouth opened wide as a pitched scream escaped from their throats annoyingly loud enough for me to get pissed off and punch it in the mouth.

The entities would usually keep their distance once I started fighting back. You would too after constantly suffering through minor heart attacks while taking a shit or washing your ass after a long day because some rando ghost was feeling a little silly.

But now after watching my insides leak out of the bottom of my stomach, I’m wondering which punch to the mouth or slap across the cheek was the last straw for one of these freaks.

“. . . Fuck,” was all I could mutter out as my knees dropped to the ground.

The monster- or ghost - or whatever the fuck it was, sneered down at me with what I thought was a smile. I really couldn’t tell due to its mouth being slit from the corners down to their necks. Their tongue was huge, slithering over its pale-greenish body as foam leaked from the gaping hole. There was only one row of teeth lined unevenly at the top of their mouths and as my vision went blurry I could have sworn I’d seen stains of blood dripping from their canines.

The monster’s claws retracted back into what I assumed was their knuckles. I found it odd that I was thinking about how painful it must be to have claws in your knuckles considering the fact my insides were sprawled all over the pavement and I was probably in more pain.

The creature began to talk then, and I swear to every god alive it was the most nerve-shattering sound on earth. When they opened their mouths, the back of their throat buzzed like a swarm of angry hornets. They spoke agonizingly slow and each word came out as some sort of wheeze. It was as if I were looking at those disturbing nicotine commercials they forced kids to watch back in the day so that if they'd ever thought of touching a cigarette they'd recoil from the memory.

“Killed. . . boy. . . soul. . . mine. . . master wil be . . . pleased.”

Master? What Master? I didn’t think the ghost world had a social hierarchy either. I can’t escape classism even in death, huh?

I heaved and puked up blood. It was black and thick. This was so not the same color as when the cats at the animal hospital would use my arm as a scratching pole.

That’s right. The hospital. When I die here tonight, I won’t ever see any of my furry friends ever again. That was such a bummer. Mrs. Grandy, my mentor whom I’ve been shadowing for almost five months now, told me she had been in talks with the board of directors of the hospital to see about putting me in a higher-paid official part-time position instead of the intern position that I’ve been doing.

Something like that was uncommon, due to me nowhere near being done with my masters, but Mrs. Grandy was impressed with my skills and believed in me. More so than I did.

She was gonna be so disappointed whenever she found out I died. And as much as I pretended to hate work, I was going to miss her too.

My eyes were glued to the black blood and my shredded insides (which I guess in my last few moments I could call them outsides). My vision became blurry again only this time it wasn’t just from the sudden loss of consciousness.

In my last few moments of sensation, I felt my eyes burn and my cheeks damped. These were tears.

I laughed. Laughed so hard that even the monster that gutted me peered down below to wonder what the hell was so funny. Nothing was, but at the same time, everything was. Who would have thought I’d meet my end getting a cup of coffee by the claws of a monster who looked like they walked straight out of a Walking Dead set?

If my friends were here and were able to laugh at the nuance of this situation, they’d get on me for going out in such a lame way.

“Dude, how could you get taken out by someone who has no bottom row of teeth? You gotta kill yourself now.”

I cackled to myself again, this time choking on the blood stuck in the back of my throat. I was losing it.

And the pain. Oh god, the pain. I didn’t feel it at first, but since this ugly piece of shit was dragging its trophy kill out I starting to feel every moment of this shit.

I gasped out, body trembling and teeth clenched so hard I felt a few on the bottom shatter. I couldn’t support myself any further, I slumped over on my side and collapsed onto the sidewalk pavement.

The monster’s tongue slithered over my body. I could barely feel the saliva and grimy scales, but it was still disgusting. Wiping its tongue over my cheek, the tongue quivered in excitement. I mentally groaned.

Jesus Christ, at least let me die first before the fucked-up Japanese hentai plot starts!

The sound of unsheeted metal filled the air. In three quick seconds, I heard the delicate sound of a swoosh before all was quiet.

The air around me hitched. I blinked. The grimy tongue fell as still as my body was about to become in a few moments. Imagine my surprise when I watched the tongue fall to the ground beside me, cut in half.

But that’s not the only part of the monster that was cut. No, both of the freaky bastard’s hands were sliced off in the process.

The creature was just as surprised as I was. Whipping their head towards the source, its eyes bulged out of their head when they saw whatever it was.

I couldn’t see what they saw, and I was kind of grateful for that because if a monster like this was scared of what was in front of them, I didn’t wanna look at it either.

But I did hear the other mysterious thing though. Their footsteps were light, the rhythmic thump of a small heel drawing closer towards the both of us. Metal jingled and clung together like sparks of fairy dust and bells on an old lady’s window chime. It was a beautiful sound.

The monster thought the opposite though. I noticed their hooves take a big noticeable step back and screech a fretful cry.

The footsteps stopped just shy in front of me. Even the bells rang silent.

Big yellowish scaly wings sprouted from the back of the creature. With one jump they took flight into the air. The wind from their back was strong enough to uproot the trees from the ground. Frightened, they were about to soar into the night to god knows where. But the mysterious being had other plans for them.

Coming into my line of sight, I finally was able to catch a glimpse of the other creature.

Only the term “creature” was an overstatement. They didn’t appear much like a creature at all. They appeared like something straight out of a storybook.

Their body was shrouded in a cloak of pure crescent white. A white hood sheltered the crown of their head and along the sides were sprinkled in half-shaped moons, stars, and crescents, glowing beautifully powder blue. Their rob was long enough to reach the bottom of their shoes - chunky laced combat boots with a small silver heel. The belt of their robe glittered with blue and red rubies that sparkled with each step they took. Gold patterns crept up along the outer ends of their robe and gleamed in the night.

The creature spoke as they attempted to fly away.“Have. . . to tell. . . master!”

The mysterious being finally spoke. It reminded me of a beautiful chorus of tenners.

“I’m afraid your master can’t protect you from the fate of death."

I didn’t see it, at least I don’t think that I was supposed to see it. All that I was able to take a peek at was the quick glimmer of a blade slashing itself through every molecule in the air, and the creature crashing to the ground like a meteorite, dead. Just like that.

Okay, this is all way too much. I think I’m ready to die now.

The mysterious being glanced over at me. I couldn’t see their face as their robes were covering them, but the soft glow of their eyes was visible. They were red.

They approached me, and if I didn’t already have one foot in the grave I would have flinched.

With a soft brush against my face, the being caressed my tear-deadped cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” they spoke softly, seemingly reading my mind. “I’d be against my heart to let you die. Forgive me.”

My body was shutting down fast. I was so exhausted, but even then I was able to utter one last breath before I succumbed to an eternal slumber.

“You have a nice . . . voice.”

And just like that, I was dead.