On The Bus

Vince woke with a start. Stretching, he looked around.

The other people on the top floor of the bus were largely as they had been, when he had fallen asleep an hour or so before. In fact, he noticed, they were all asleep; they must have collectively nodded off.

Why, then, had Vince woken up? It took a few seconds for it to reach his still-hungover mind. The bus had stopped, and they didn’t seem to be anywhere. Looking down, he saw that the road was barely worth the name.

Something strange was going on.

Fortunately, Vince was the kind of guy to take strangeness in his stride. He stood to get a better view of what was going on around him.

In the seat behind him, Lucy snapped awake. Unlike Vince, Lucy was not the kind to take things in her stride, nor was she one to let her own confusion stay on the inside. Instead of waking to the bus shelter, a few short streets from her house, she was looking at the lanky figure of Vince, dappled by shadow.

“What the hell is this? We’re meant to be at the end of the route by now. What’s happened?”

Vince seemed mystified at this sudden pinstriped apparition. His eyes had passed over her quickly, with the ease that one ignores people from another world, and being brought into shrill focus wasn’t doing any favours for his hangover.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s fine. Tell you what, I’ll just pop downstairs, see what the driver has to say. Back in a mo.”

“Well, make sure to take his number. I shall definitely complain to the bus company about this, it’s not acceptable. In fact…”

She trailed off there, as Vince bounded down the stairs with what she felt was quite unnecessary enthusiasm. “Well, what a rude young man.” The fact that he was barely any younger than her wasn’t relevant; Lucy had been born old, and never quite got the hang of relaxing. Generally, she avoided such obvious scruffs as Vince, and to make herself feel better did a quick head count.

There were four other people on the top of the bus. The couple at the back had dozed off in one another’s arms, and even Lucy’s hard heart couldn’t resist a little smile.

An elderly lady sat against one window, posture perfectly straight, a lifetime’s training refusing to let her slouch even in her sleep.

When she looked at the final passenger, she started back in shock. His light green eyes seemed to be laughing at her, and the shambolic bundle of rags he sat in made it impossible to see what he was like.

“He’s not going to come back, you know.”

“What? How dare you. I’m sure he’ll be back in just a moment, with a very good reason.” Her defence of Vince was fervent, and surprised her.

“It’s not like it’ll do any good. Haven’t you seen what happened to the light?”

Lucy turned, wondering what the tramp was talking about. Probably just a crazy, she told herself, just before she caught sight of the outside world.

Around the bus, the sky was painted with strange colour, that eerie stormlight that fills the world with strangeness and charm.

The tramp’s voice drifted on the breeze. “It’s the apocalypse, love. Hope you didn’t buy a season ticket, not gonna be much use now.”

His impertinence finally shook her from her reverie. “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s just one of those things, like harvest moons. Dust in the atmosphere, or some such.”

His laugh was warm, but condescending. “Ha! Wouldn’t bet on that if I were you, ducky. Checked your phone recently?”

Mostly out of a desire to escape those eyes, Lucy pulled her phone from her bag, her hand sliding in unconsciously.

“Oh. I’m sure I charged this last night, but the battery seems to be dead. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“Well, I’m sure I would know if it was the apocalypse. Someone would have said something.”

In the embarrassed silence that followed, the couple woke up. [“Wa’ g’wan, me julie?”

“Raz! The bus has stopped, innit. I reckon the driver’s been tooting his pipe, fuck knows wa’ g’wan.”]

Bolstered by her increasing horror, Lucy stood. “I’m Lucy. Not love, not ducky, not dear. Lucy. You can call me Miz Marple if you insist.”

Her eyes dared him to laugh, but for once he did not. Drawing himself up, his posture shifted, becoming noble and practiced. “Most call me Ark. I think you’d probably rather go by my real name, however. Tarquin de Escallier, fifth Earl of Montelban. I fear you find me in reduced circumstances.”

He stops, and slumps. “Then again, swing and roundabouts, eh? All round and round and up and down… well, till today.”

“Why today?”

“Blimey, love, your memory ain’t as sharp as your heels, is it? The apocalypse, remember?”

Lucy drew herself up. There was something in the tramp’s eyes that made her doubt her doubts. Better to go and find the errant Vince.

As she left, Ark’s voice drifted down to her, mockingly soft. “Good luck, dearie. Remember not to get to upset about it being the end of the world.”

Downstairs, Vince had fallen asleep again. Waking once to Lucy’s accusing stare was bad enough. Twice was nearly more than he could take. With a sound not unlike a duck being goosed, he sprang upright. “Um. I… the driver’s gone. But the keys are in the wheel and the doors are locked.”

Well, I’m gonna have a look around outside, see if he went for a smoke or something. Let’s see, where’s the button for opening the door here…”

“Tried that. Doesn’t work.”

’Well, try the manual release. There’s always safety measures on these things.”

“Tried that, too. Doesn’t work, neither. Not sure why, it’s meant to be fine, even when the power goes.”

A surge of claustrophobia hit Lucy. She didn’t really enjoy taking the bus, but put up with it out of convenience. Being stuck on one in the middle of nowhere didn’t really appeal to her.

She looked round at the tiny windows, all too small to let anyone through. A livid flash lit the sky, staining the disquieting gloaming orange and green.

“Look… I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m Vince. Sorry I’m a bit out of it, it’s been a long day, and honestly all this is pretty weird.”

“Lucy. Where are we? Is your phone working?”

“No. Seems to be stone dead, just like the bus. Even my little portable battery’s empty, and I charged that just before I got on the bus.”

“There’s a man upstairs… Ark… he says it’s because it’s the apocalypse, if you can believe it.”

“Um… I can”

“Oh, for god’s sake. And just when we were starting to get along. The end of the world isn’t an actual thing. That would be ridiculous.”

“Well, I’ve never seen the sky like that before. And where did the driver go? How did he even get out? And where are we?”

“Well, maybe he was raptured away, you pillock. Maybe we’ve been left behind. Or maybe he just got lost, then the battery died, and he went to try and find help. Yes. I’m sure that’s what it was.”

“Yeah? And he drained all our phones and turned the sky that funny colour too, right? And he got so lost that none of us can recognize where we are? Look, let’s just go upstairs, tell the others what’s happening down here.”

As they climbed the stairs, a firmly schoolmarmish voice floated down to them. “Well, I’m sure it’ll all be sorted soon, then we’ll be at home in Droitwich in no time.”

“I bloody hope not, when I got on this bus it was going to Ipswich.” The voice was thick, emerging from Wilbur’s thick beard like molasses. His wife, sitting beside him, merely nodded.”

“Um… I actually though we were going to Reading. This is the number 57, isn’t it?”

“Well, let’s ask the driver. I’m sure there’s a simple reason. Maybe the timetables got mixed up at the stops, so we all got on thinking it was a different bus.”

Vince winced. “Yeah, about that… the driver’s not there. His keys and stuff, yes. Him, no. Doors are locked, too, and our phones are out. Bugger where we’re going, I’d settle for knowing where we are.”

For a quiet moment, Wilbur, his wife, and the schoolmarm all checked their phones.

“Dead.”

“Dead.”

“Dead.”

For a while, there was a silence. Their eyes all drew to the horizon, where the sky had stained a livid green.

“Shouldn’t it be dark by now? Right, it’s time to break out of this bus. Where’s the little hammer?”

“You know, I’ve always wanted to do this.” Vince raced down the stairs, coming to a rest by the tiny hammer. Grabbing it, he flailed in a strange but undoubtedly effective whiplash, striking the dead centre of the emergency window.

With a soft whub of distorted plastic, the hammer bounced, coming to rest, with all of its force, in the exact centre of Vince’s forehead. The faint circle on the window shone in the dying light, aas if mocking him.

With a confused expression, he collapsed. His slumping fall seemed to take a long time, a slow motion pratfall in time to the gathering darkness. The five passengers, crammed around the stairwell, jerked back in shock. Amongst the sputtering, the Schoolmarm stepped forwards.

“Vince. Look at me. Come on. Just at me. Breathe deeply.”

His throat worked, as if there were words desperate to be released. His eyes caught hers, and she knew that he knew.

“It’s okay. I’m Mary. I’ve helped people like you before. Just try to breathe. Close your eyes, Vince. You don’t need to see, not for now. Let my voice guide you…”

Lucy scrambled back up the stairs as Mary’s voice rose and fell, a simple rhythm that spoke of long practice.

When she reached to top, she saw that Ark was still there. He had moved to the front of the bus, and seemed to be enjoying himself, watching the strange light from the window.

“Back so soon? Don’t tell me that our dashing hero’s plans have failed. Oh, no. I’m sure nothing like that could ever happen, not to such a smart and capable young fool.”

“He tried to break the window. It… it didn’t work. He’s injured, badly. And we’re still stuck here.”

Ark burst out laughing, hiss guffaw shaking the thin walls. “Well, if that’s not an omen, nothing is. I keep telling you, it’s the apocalypse. All previous bets and rules are off. Maybe the bus is a bus, and maybe it’s just a state of mind that we’ve all got trapped in. Maybe this is hell, and we’re stuck with each other forever.”

“Shut up! Shut up! At least he tried! He wanted to get us out of here, and… and now…”

She broke off as her eyes misted. She couldn’t tell if she was crying for Vince, herself, or the world, but the soft, racking sobs helped. Eventually, she looked up, and saw the other three passengers emerging from the stairwell like a funeral procession.

Looking into Mary’s eyes, she saw the truth. Mary closed her eyes, and nodded solemnly. “He’s dead. If it helps, there probably wasn’t a lot of pain. It could have been worse.”

That was more than Lucy could take. The laugh began bubbling in a cracked throat like an underground spring forcing its way through the rocks, emerging in a violent gush that tore at her even more than the sobbing had.

In the background, she could hear Ark, quietly chuckling.

“Dunno what happened. I sat down to have a bit of a think about it, and, well… I think Ark might be right, you know. It’s all a bit much”

“That’s… I… Oh, whatever. You know, I only bought these shoes today? They’re killing me. If you lunatics are right, then I guess I might as well be comfortable.”