Wolf Epic

Dramatic music plays as a map of Hyrule appears. The view scrolls in for a closer look at the castle. Inside the castle, the door to the throne room opens dramatically. My face appears at the door. I bark to make my presence known.

The voice of a young girl, much like an angel, says, "Come in."

As I walk into the room, the dramatic music stops abruptly. Then, everyone (by everyone, I mean just the princess and a few guards) notices I am wearing a pink tutu. How humiliating...

"Link, is that you?" the girl asks, giggling.

"No, my name is Epic!" I bark, puffing up my chest to look more impressive.

"How funny, you're wearing my tutu!" the girl points out and giggles.

"Well, Zelda, you should've know I was wearing your tutu since you are the one who put it on me,” I say, trying to still look epic even with a pink tutu on.

Princess Zelda stands up from her throne, walks over to me, and helps me remove the tutu.

"Thanks, Zelda! I need to look as epic as possible and it was kind of hard while I was wearing your tutu,” I say, shaking my fur.

"Your majesty, you are needed in the courtyard immediately!" one of the guards says, coming into the room pretty much as abruptly as the dramatic music stopped earlier.

"Can I bring Link?" Princess Zelda asks, pointing to me.

I grin and wait patiently for the guard to respond.

"Yes, you can bring Epic,” the guard says.

I whisper to Princess Zelda, "I paid him to call me Epic."

"With what money?" Princess Zelda asks me, raising an eyebrow.

"Um, you do not want to know,” I reply.

Princess Zelda puts me on a leash and drags me to the courtyard. Ouch, that hurt! Dramatic music plays as Princess Zelda enters the courtyard, but when I am dragged in, the music stops again. Darn you music!

"What is it you need from me?" Princess Zelda asks the people that are standing in the courtyard.

“We need to complain about something!" one person shouts.

"What is wrong?" Princess Zelda asks, looking very concerned.

"Someone's dog keeps getting out and stealing our turkey!" the person yells.

I hide behind Princess Zelda. Oh boy, I am in trouble now! Obviously, it was I who stole the turkey. Every single time. I mean, there aren’t really any other canines around as far as I know. Also, turkey is yummy.

"Link, you're a thieve!" Princess Zelda cries out in response.

"Oh, I am so sorry, Zelda! I just wanted some turkey!” I say, trying to get away from the upset princess before I am caught under her royal tantrum.

The guard whispers to Princess Zelda, "Should we get your father out here to control this issue?"

Princess Zelda nods her head. I run and hide underneath the throne in the throne room with my tail tucked between my legs. After a couple of minutes, the throne I am hiding under lifts off of me and I am revealed.

"Please don't hurt me!" I howl, shaking in fear.

"Epic, we aren't going to hurt you. We are just punishing you so that you don't do it again. Go to the doggie time out chair!" the king says, gently but firmly at the same time. I guess being a king, you get used to doing two opposite things at the same time.

Oh, at least he remembered to call me Epic! I head to the doggie-time-out-chair-of-shame.

After my time out in the doggie-time-out-chair-of-shame I go to see Princess Zelda.

"Hey, Zelda! I think I need some attention!" I bark loudly.

Princess Zelda just looks at me and says, "Link, I still can't believe you stole someone's turkey!"

"Well, a dog has to eat when a dog has to eat. Can't change that,” I say, trying to smile at Princess Zelda.

"True, but you could have gotten some dog kibble,” Princess Zelda says to me.

"I would much rather eat human food. It is so much more appealing,” I say.

Princess Zelda giggles and says, "I can’t blame you for not wanting your kibble; I would much rather have real food too!"

"Yeah, especially a nice big juicy turkey!" I say, drooling.

Princess Zelda just glares at me.

"What?! You expect me to not ever eat turkey?!" I ask while licking my lips.

"Anyways... Where did you get that money from earlier?" Princess Zelda asks.

"Wait, what money?" I ask, even though I know what she is talking about.

"You know which money I am talking about!" Princess Zelda says.

"Okay, okay, don't be so rough on me. I got it from the village near the castle,” I say finally.

"Link! Bad boy, I will have to keep you inside more often if you are going to do things like this!" Princess Zelda scolds.

"Aw, princess! What if I have to use the restroom?!" I whine at Princess Zelda.

"Can’t you use the toilet?" Princess Zelda asks.

Her arms are crossed and she has a real serious look on her face. This doggy was toilet trained a few months ago!

"Yes, but I need an excuse to go outside, right?" I ask, tilting my head.

Princess Zelda does a face-palm. I sit there with my tongue hanging out of my mouth just watching her.

"Uh, Zelda? Are you all right?" I ask after awhile.

"Yes... Link... I am fine! You are ridiculous!" Princess Zelda says between giggles.

I sit up straight and then say, "Who is this Link you are speaking of? I never met him before! My name is Epic!"

Princess Zelda stops giggling to glare at me so I just make a silly face at her. It includes my eyes crossed and my tongue lolling out. Awkward silence falls in response.

"So... anyway, princess..." I say after stopping my silly face.

"You need to behave, Link... One of these days you might be really needed, but no one will ask you because they can't trust you,” Princess Zelda says.

"Aw, princess! Give me a chance! I am still young! If I was a human, I would only be ten years old!" I complain.

"You are right, you are just a pup and I need to teach you right,” Princess Zelda says, patting my head.

"Wanna take me on a walk?!" I ask, quickly changing the subject.

Princess Zelda does another face-palm, but grabs a leash and collar anyway.

"Oh boy! I finally get to pee!" I say happily.

I receive another face-palm for that one.