Certified Victim of Life [Series One]

Dedication

To my little brother, Prince B. Leleji,

At just nine years old, you’ve already inspired so much light and love in my world.

Certified Victim of Life was written for you—with all my heart.

May you always find strength in your story and magic in your dreams.

With love,

Neri

[Neri's POV]

Year: 2022

Time: 1:15 PM

It was a few minutes past one on a Saturday—the day every student deserved to rest. But guess what? For me, peace was a luxury because Rooster 2.0 showed up.

Who the hell is Rooster 2.0? You asked.

Well, Rooster 2.0 is literally a rooster 🐓—my neighbor’s rooster. I named him Rooster 2.0 because not only is he my enemy, but he’s also my nemesis.

So here’s what happened: After my usual Saturday routine, I decided to take a nap. 🛌 The afternoon heat 🥵🌅 was unbearable, so I chose the cold tiles in the parlour. As I drifted into the sweet realm of sleep, my crush appeared in my dream.

I grinned. 👧🏽 He grinned. 👱 And just when he was about to KISS me—"KOKOROKO!!!!!"

Rooster 2.0’s shriek shattered my dream. The idiot woke me up at the best part! 🔥

I tried to ignore him 😔, hoping I could slip back into my dream—maybe pick up right where it ended. Fingers crossed. 🥰🙃

But Rooster 2.0 wasn’t done. Oh no.

Seeing I didn’t respond, he strutted right up to the front of my house, puffed up his stupid feathers, opened his stupid mouth and—"KOKOROKO!!!!!"—AGAIN! 😡🤯🔥

I was too lazy 😴😮‍💨🥱 to get up, yell, or even consider murder ☠️🩸🔪 (don’t judge me). I ignored him again. Am I not too kind? 🥰😇

⏳️ But Rooster 2.0 had other plans.

His desire for death ⚰️ 🪦 clearly increased because he marched right into my house.

I opened my eyes 👀, and there he stood—staring at me with a what-are-you-gonna-do look. 😏

💣

We stared at each other. The tension? Unreal.

Then he made a low “kor-kor” sound, and I swear I understood him. It meant:

"No sleep for the wicked." 😈

With a smirk, I nodded. 😼

"You'll soon be converted into chicken 🍗, Rooster 2.0."

But did he listen? NO.

Just as he opened that unbrushed mouth—since birth, mind you—to scream again, I SNAPPED.

I gripped his long neck 😤, got up, and—WHACK! I slammed his feathery body on the ground. 🧎‍♀️🪶 Feathers everywhere! He screamed and screamed, summoning his family 🐔🐣🐥, but since it was Rooster 2.0, the bully, nobody came to his rescue.

Then—betrayal—he pecked my hand.

"Ouch!" I let go.

Rooster 2.0 thought he could escape. As he tried to fly out screaming, I LOCKED the door.

"YOU'RE DEAD." 🔪⚰️😈

But the rooster wasn’t backing down. He flapped his wings dramatically, striking a Chinese fighter pose. Feathers flew like confetti.

"Let’s see about that," his smug face seemed to say.

I copied a karate pose 🥋—don’t ask where I learned it; I just know—and we circled each other like warriors.

The question is: Who won this battle? 🤺🪖

⏳️ A few moments later…

There I was.

Lying in a hospital bed 🏥, completely bandaged 🤕🤒🥴. My arms and legs tied up like I was in some action movie gone wrong. My mom sat beside me, listening to my story.

She thought I was joking. 🤨

She told me to be serious.

But it was the truth. 😕🫤

No one believed me. No one believed Rooster 2.0 was the culprit 😈 🐓.

And that I—poor, innocent Neri—was the victim. 😭🤕🏥