Chapter 1: Healing Phase.
It was a bright sunny day in New Orleans as I walked out of my house onto the beach. I can't tell you how amazing it is to finally be here. All the hard work really does pay off years and years of blood sweat and tears. It all started in the small town of Circleville Ohio. I lived there my whole life, I never really had a lot of opportunities there.
I went to school to be a botanist. There isn't too much of a demand for my field of work unless you are trying to work in the flower shop of a krogers. That is not where I wanted to be, stuck in a fucking krogers somewhere. I wanted to own my own floral shop. I really enjoy doing arrangements for weddings and events like carnival but, you get your sweet boyfriends and husbands that come in to buy quality roses for the woman in their life. Those women are lucky in my opinion.
I ended up leaving Ohio after both of my parents died in a fatal car crash. They left me the whole house but it's still sitting vacant 4 years later because I refuse to sell it in case I decide to ever go back.
I love it here in New Orleans so I really don't see myself moving back to ohio. The only thing that haunts me is the loneliness when I lay down at the end of the night. No one to share the precious memories with like walking barefoot down the beach while the sun is settling over the ocean hand in hand sharing the most intimate laughs and giggles along the way. Then just to go home and make sweet love on every counter in the kitchen of my small beach house. Oh I know shame on me for having a dream. Who knows, maybe one day I will find the man of my dreams. Oh how I would die to have a man that would throw you down on the kitchen table and eat you like a nine course meal.
Oh Lexi, you need to stop that daydreaming. It's dangerous. All the luck I have had with men is literal bums who just want to take the life out of you and use you for every ounce of energy that you have. Prime example is my Ex-Boyfriend Jonah. This man was such a piece of work. Not only did I move him into my house after six months of dating, but as soon as he moved in his whole personality changed.
It's like he never wanted to spend time with me and we started fighting over all the small pointless things and I mean full blown screaming matches of him calling me every name under the sun. After about a year of forgiving fight after fight the truth came out and he was cheating on me with this girl from the community college in our neighborhood. After that I basically went into a really downward spiral. I started going to the club, drinking my feelings away, and taking random men back to the beach house for some nighttime extra curricular activities.
After about six months of that I finally decided I needed to get a handle on my mental health before it got completely out of control. So As of about a month ago I stopped drinking completely and stopped going out to the club to pick up men. Most of my time has been occupied by painting art pieces of some of my favorite flower arrangements. It's been something I've been considering doing. So, finally I decided it was time to pick up something new. It's been going really well, I have even had one wedding couple that had me paint their flower arrangements for a keepsake since the flowers eventually wilt.
I love the view of the ocean from my front door. It's so angelic to hear the waves crash onto the beach early in the morning. After my nice couple breaths of fresh morning air I head inside to pour my hot tea and start my gratitude list.
I grab my gratitude book and my favorite pen, then I proceed to go to town on the things that I am grateful for.
-I am grateful for my beautiful home
-I am grateful for my positive mind
-I am grateful for my friends
-I am grateful for this period of healing
-I am grateful for my life and job here in New Orleans
Well that's the end of today's gratitude list. I have so much I need to do today like go to the store and get groceries for the week. Good thing is I already know what I like so it makes for a rather easy trip. In and out is the best way to navigate a grocery store.
I'm so glad I have been big on self care along with self love recently. It's like the motto is “Your body and your mind is your temple so don't let anyone take your peace.”
I am going to sacrifice my chill so that I can run these errands. Off to the district market we go. I'm going to make B.L.Ts tonight so I need Bacon, tomatoes, lettuce, swiss cheese, asiago cheese bread, and last but not least some hellman's mayonnaise. I swear bacon is my comfort food if I had to choose one.
I get up off the couch gracefully, grab my purse, car keys and toss my tiny little sandals on. Now I am ready to conquer the store. I hop in the car, plug in my phone and get the music ready. I'm a stickler for loud music while driving there is no way you will catch me driving with no music on. I noticed as soon as I turned the car on I was gonna have to make another stop, this one will be for gas. We can't go much of anywhere if we don't have gas.
I decided to stop at the shell station right by the district market. I have enough gas to make it there. Of course my luck as soon as I took my exit onto the highway I was stuck balls deep in traffic with 55 miles on my car. Traffic is moving really slow but it is moving little by little. I just patiently wait it out and go with the flow unlike most of these raged out human beings that are out running rampant in the streets. After a 15 minute trip turned into a 40 minute trip I finally made it to the gas station to fill my gas tank. I wanted to keep things simple but the universe had other plans. Of course I try to tap pay at the pump but, oh no it has to say see cashier inside to complete payment.
“Fuck me” I whisper underneath my breath as I walk inside.
I walk up to the gas station door with my eyes locked on the ground while I walk. I hate making eye contact with people in public. As soon as I get to the door I put my hand on the handle ready to open it and go inside. That's when I noticed the tall man just on the other side of the door. I instantly noticed the tattoos on his hand. It was a tribal rose that went from his knuckles over his wrist and that's all that I can see. He was on his way out but as I walked into the store automatically I noticed the energy was very awkward.
It felt like he was awkwardly trying to get out of a conversation with the cashier that was obviously hitting on him. I glanced up at him when I first walked in just to see what he looked like. He was tall, I'm talking like six foot seven tall. He was so handsome especially with the little smirk he gave me as I non verbally interrupted his uncomfortable conversation.
I could tell by the smirk he was happy that I saved him from his awkward endeavor.
“Hello I need 35$ on pump 12 please.” I politely asked the cashier.
“Of course, is there anything else that you need today?” she replied solemnly.
“Nope nothing else just gas and don't worry about the receipt just toss it. I hope you have a great rest of your day.” I replied enthusiastically.
I walked out to pump my gas and that when I saw him standing there smoking a cigarette in front of the gas station. It almost feels like he was waiting for me. If i'm being honest im not even mad.
“Hey, Thanks for giving me an out in there, I needed to get away from that conversation.” I heard a coarse deep voice say to me.
“Uh, Oh yeah no worries. I just needed to get some gas. I'm glad I could be your saving grace though. It seemed like you genuinely were over the conversation but, you looked like you were trying to be nice.”
“Oh yes, You have mistaken me. I was not trying to be nice, I was trying to be polite. You have definitely been nothing less than a saving grace so thank you. May I ask the name of my ever so sweet saving grace?” He said with a sexy sleepy boy tone
“ My name is lexi! What is your name? I replied to him quickly.
“My name is Zeke, It's nice to meet you lexi. I won't keep you any longer but while you were inside paying for gas I dropped my number in the driver side window of your car. Feel free to utilize it and give me a call.” he said with a smirk written across his lips.
I stare at him for a moment because I'm starstruck by his paper white skin tone, chiseled jaw bone, and bright emerald green eyes with small touches of grays and silvers. I stopped gawking when I caught myself frozen in mid conversation.
“Oh oh okay… yeah we will see! Thank you Zeke. Have a great night love.” I managed to spit out in between nervous giggles.
I walked off and pumped my gas while he stood there and took long drags off his cigarette watching me intently pump my gas. His eyes panned up and down like he was trying to assess me like prey. I should have probably been nervous but honestly it made me feel all hot and fuzzy inside. What a way to have to go grocery shopping. All hot and bothered. I wonder what that rose tattooed hand would look like wrapped around my throat. I mean he did drop his phone number into my car. I also have told myself I am done with that life.
I am in my healing Era and I will not make these bad decisions. I have been doing really well about holding up my boundaries recently. Im very proud of myself. I need to get out of my head and into this store so I can get my comfort food and go smoke, cook and relax for the night.
