Homesick
~ Book 2 of the Kissed By Darkness Series~
I woke up to beige walls. They were the same tone as the ones I had grown up with. The smells of disinfectant and cleanliness.
Cleanliness is close to godliness, is what my mother would chime. A fact that chilled me to the bone, only because I felt like she might be there at any turn. Though somewhat missing the few days I had had with little responsibilities.
Even if it had made my temporary Undire living quarters smell like old Chinese food the day the twins and I hadn't cleaned up. There was a certain sort of freedom in that act. Trying not to think about the smell of sex as I moved onto a new, less painful thought.
A thought that wasn't on Arcadian.
He consumed my thoughts the entire time we had crossed the boarder. Wondering how he saw me now, or even Zilmath for that matter. While Trozal didn't seem to have any fear towards me; I didn't know what things would be like when I returned. Not realizing that in a few short days, I might feel some sort of way about anything in the Undire.
Yet somehow I had come full circle unlike any other Marked that I knew of. Surrounded by a color I had been familiar with all my life. The sound of vegetables being chopped and peeled, the smell of burning wax and a stoking fire to save on electricity, rousing me before dawn. Living frugal to make sure others had plenty.
Everything here shared, everyone being equal. I was home. Or what had been home for twenty-three years.
It certainly seemed serene, the picture-perfect place to be. Yet already being around a Celeste to get here in the middle of the night had been a challenge. Not knowing Robert's name, while also trying to follow him in pitch black, was difficult once we entered the villas, let alone crossing the boarder. Though, he had been more patient during the crossing. Not being able to call out to him or even address him, making me have to practically jog to keep up before he turned another corner; the strict rules between unmarried and married individuals forbidding any type of speech.
There had been a number of rules my mother taught me before turning thirteen that came back immediately. That being a woman had its rules, the same as men, though we certainly had more. I had already learned that disobeying my parents wasn't ideal- but to disobey a husband could mean death, depending on the crime. Something that had shocked me, and relived me, all in one instant after all I had already endured once I came of age.
However, there were other things that had been equally worthy of note, even if I hadn't paid attention to any of what might apply after marriage. There were still plenty of rules for an unmarried woman as well.
Rules about not speaking to a married man. Letting a married woman choose produce before you, or sit on a local bus. Chaperoned dates or dates in public sanctioned places.
Not doing these things may seem like common courtesy to the naked eye, but here there were also strict laws to help enforce them. If a married woman was expecting, and you let her accidentally leave with only what might be spoiled in the bin, for example, you could be charged with manslaughter if her fetus dies. If you spoke to a married man, and that man were to be unfaithful to his wife. Adultery was a painful, grave sin you would be punished for. Having children out of wedlock meant the child would not stay with you. The punishment of the mother and father was always questionable; judgment by local councils.
It's what made it so frustrating to try and follow Robert, because outwardly not acknowledging these rules could cost us both. Yet I could tell he seemed almost far too eager to be as far from me as possible at all times. When we arrived to "Aunt Marie" at his house, things weren't much better.
"Who's this?" She had demanded, a nightcap on as she marched down the stairs. Living in a larger, grander house like my childhood due to their children. Something that had been downgraded due to age and other statuses before I had left.
"Your niece." He barked back, removing his coat and scarf.
"Niece? Robert, I can't do this with you anymore! All the secrets and not talking to me. Harvey is sick, you think brining in a random person is going to save-"
"Keep your voice down." Robert barked. "If you want that boy to live, you'll do as your told."
You'll do as your told.
My stomach clenched and rolled, all too familiar with those words. Words that made Marie hate me in an instant with the way she glared. I say this also, because typically, a married woman would never leave you alone with a married man. She'd invite you into her home. Offer you a meal.
Instead, she left. Leaving me to be mute with a man that likely didn't know how to do half of the things a woman could in order to host a guest. A married man at that.
If anyone saw us alone; it wouldn't end well. Even if he was related to me in any shape or form due to my mature age, and unmarried status. A fact he seemed to recognize as well when dinner was skipped, and he walked me straight to a room.
"Sleep here, come down in the morning for food to talk to Marie. You'll leave tomorrow night."
And that was that.
My journey coming into Celeste territory seeming more than a little uneventful other than crossing at a weak point in the walls like a common criminal or a curious little. A wall that seemed more and more ineffective the more I realized it's faults. Or how easily someone from the Undire could go to Celeste territory. Making me wonder if the wall itself was really for Celeste protection, as they made it seem.
I peeled back a dusty cloth over what I knew would be a small mirror hanging on the wall of the room. Noting its age and the design as an antique, likely when an older relative had lived here. Taking the time to inspect my neck and reapply a thick layer of make up to assure it held up as well as yesterday. Worried since Celeste clothing only had high collars for married women.
Once I was satisfied I returned the cloth where it had been. Sad to see my reflection disappear for the first time in a long time since my mother had scolded me. A faint whiff of homesickness overcoming me again as I heard her voice in my ear.
The warmth of her embrace.
I hadn't thought of her in days, but seeing Arcadian not want to touch me reminded me too much of her the day I was marked. The same look in her eyes. The anger and disappointment in my dad's...
Yet here I was. Still standing. A traitor.
I stared at my hands for a moment, wondering for a moment if everything had been an illusion. If maybe everything had just been displaced for a moment. That maybe this wasn't really my life.
It took a minute or two for my head to seem to get itself right, the desire to belong somewhere warring with my new reality. A reality that was easier to face by leaving this room, already seeing family photos of Marie, Robert and their elusive son as my opened my door. A firm and quick reminder about where I really was and why.
Marie was hard at work with food, causing me to stand beside patiently. Folding my hands. Waiting for her to request or direct me if she pleased, but waiting to start my line of questioning.
Marie mostly ignored me, running circles around the kitchen before she began to plate up eggs, potatoes and toast. "Get the bacon before it burns."
It was the first thing she had said to me. Words I clung to as I rushed to pull the bacon from the fire onto the waiting linens she had set up for the grease. Making Marie grunt her approval as she came over to dab it and place them on plates. When she reached the final one, she handed it to me.
"I imagine Robert didn't feed you. He said it's in our best interest to help Harvey by hosting you for a day. I don't know what that means, but-" She gave a reluctant sigh, not meeting my eye. "I am a dutiful wife, so we'll go to the Market this afternoon. I'll let you get some items you might need, but I'd rather you don't shop next to me so I have to explain things. We'll leave and meet back at the fountain around noon. Then you can stay in your room until it's time for you to leave tonight."
"I understand." I mumbled, keeping my eyes low and humble. My voice meek. Trying to make her even a little bit less hostile.
It seemed to work. A look crossing her face as she sighed. Leaning forward to pat my cheek. "Oh, you're practically a child. What in the world are you roped up in?"
Her fears, were written on her wrinkles. The scowls and worry marks. The ones on her forehead over thinking about her husband's possible unfaithfulness and now her son's health. The stress of fitting in, a deep loathing for pies.
Trying not to react other than bowing my head and angling just to the side to break our contact, I swallowed hard. Already knowing her fears around me as if she had just whispered them in my ear like a heartfelt plea. A shudder building up my spine as I kept rigid.
Marie looked at her hand, reading my features like any mother might and the right fear igniting. One that felt a little manipulative as much as I needed it right now. Since this fear made her want to protect me, and abandon me all in one.
A reaction that said it was better not to ask questions.
"Men can be wretched creatures, but even the Angels don't know god's plan. I'm sure he'll protect you." Marie replied stiffly, lowering her hand and averting her eyes to fill drinks. Trying to busy herself. To not think like that about me.
For her son.
Yet, as I walked away with my plate to sit in the corner of the kitchen, Marie exiting to the dining area with her family. I knew when it came to Robert. She'd at least protect me from him if any complications arose, and it also shifted her suspicion of the situation off the fact that I was really an Undire Marked. Not that I had even felt a shade of that fear existing.
That didn't mean Robert didn't have fears, though. Keeping his distance and his disdain for me clear. Making me worry about what a desperate man might do if he suddenly thought turning in me might be more beneficial.
