Blindspot

I still remember it. The throbbing in my head. The ringing in my ears. My face wet from tears and dark red blood spewing from my face. People were running, screaming, crying. Wailing as they held what was their lover, family, or friend. I think I was laying on the hard floor. My eyes felt heavy and my chest felt tight, I couldn’t breathe. I tried reaching out, tried opening my mouth and pleading for help, but nothing came out. Only mumbles and mutters. Nobody saw me, they were too much in a panic to see me. Everything felt sweltering, my mouth and throat were dry. I think more tears started to gush from my eyes as I choked out a sob. I was stuck under all the debris. Breathing in all the dusty air and coughing. The realization set in that I was too quiet for anyone to hear and no one was going to find me. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to be forgotten. Who would remember me? Who would remember my face? What will I do? I remember crying and squirming around until I blacked out again, thinking “This is it. I’m a dead-woman.”

And before that? Everything was okay. Everything was normal, like how it was supposed to be. Everyone was going about their day, chatting with one another and having fun. I was at the funfair. Wait, no, me and her were at the funfair. Ellie. I remember her eyes, that’s a good sign. They were beautiful. They were hazel. She was wearing her white flower dress with a black cardigan and boots. And a sunhat. I had laughed multiple times on that day with her, I was happy and felt at ease for once. Looking back just makes me wanna cry all over again.

She was the only reason I went to that stupid funfair. She’s the only reason I rode on rides that I thought were horrifying. She was the only reason I didn’t want to die. And now I don’t know where she is. Did she leave me? Did she run away with her ignorant friends? I wouldn’t know. She wouldn’t leave me, would she? She didn’t two-time me, she isn’t like that. I know her, she’s sweet and silly. But it could’ve been a facade; a ruse if you will. Besides, she was gone before Sebastian had found me.

That was two years ago, when I was 15 years old. I still miss her sometimes and ponder if she’s doing well. Or if she got killed by those robots, there’s a possibility that happened. They roam everywhere and don’t stop at anything to make sure that all of the humans are obliterated. Those metallic insentient bastards have killed thousands, maybe even millions at this point. I’m lucky to have even survived this far. Especially with one operating eye. People that somehow managed to survive live with me and Sebastian in some sort of underground bunker. We found it while looking for somewhere safe to stay for a few nights, and a few nights turned into two years, three months, and 3 days. We have a.. somewhat thriving community down here! Most teens often pick fights with one another and the younger adults are left to deal with it. Sebastian is the oldest out of all of us, aka the leader. Old guy is almost 30 years old! We all follow him since he knows the most about weapons and vital points of the body to put a bullet through. I think he might have a soft spot for me. And I do for him, he saved me from that daft funfair. He’s like a father for me at this point since my actual parents are most likely surviving somewhere else at this point. Or among the angels in Heaven or demons in Hell. Do I miss them? Sure, they raised me after all. Were they good parents? Absolutely not. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still love them in a way.

“Alice!” Renni called from down the hall. They were The Cook basically. Everyone mutually agreed Sebastian is egregious at cooking, and we all barely knew how to make decent meals. Especially for 18 people. So we’re glad we have someone like Renni on our side. “C’mon now. You daydreamin’ again?” I peeled my eyes away from the ceiling and turned back to Renni, who was standing in the doorway, leaning on it with their arms crossed and a sort of amused expression on their face. “No, I’m not ‘daydreaming’, Renni. I’m simply thinking about things.” I said with a shrug while sitting up in bed, I was often told when I was in school I daydreamed too much. Making up impossible scenarios in my head was much better than doing math in my opinion. Renni just playfully rolled their eyes and said, “Come along now, darlin’. Can’t have the food waitin’, it’s gon’ get cold.” before walking away. Well, I dunno what I’m waiting for. I’m hungry as hell. I got up from my bed and speed walked out the door.

In what we called “The Dining Room”, there was endless chatter coming from other survivors while they ate their food. Honestly, how could everyone act so normal like nothing is wrong? Sure, we’ve been endorsing this for 2 years now but we’ve lost such good people along the way and I don’t want to hear about another person dying. Maybe it’s to cope. Talk about something else other than what’s happening in the outside world to cope with the reality setting into you slowly, day by day. Maybe it’s a good thing we’re not all stressing about what’s happening. I sat down at one of the empty seats at the table and eyeballed the meal in front of me. Seemed to be some sort of soup that might’ve been canned soup. Either way I didn’t mind scarfing it down, food is food. “Careful, Alice. You might choke and make a mess,” A calm voice spoke behind me, I knew it was Sebastian just from his voice. I put the now empty bowl down and mumbled, “Yeah, whatever.” He seemed a bit saddened in a way by my unhappy and tiresome tone but continued whatever he was doing. Which was to make an announcement.

“Silence, everyone!” He exclaimed, all the babbling chatter came to a quick halt and all the attention was put onto Sebastian. He quickly cleared his throat and his expression turned serious. “Now that I have your attention.. It has come to my attention that we are once again running low on supplies. We need to send someone out, or else we will all starve and be thirsty.” There were some groans and more quiet conversations on what to do. And then suddenly, a girl named Lia turned to look at me with an obnoxious expression and said, “Alice hasn’t gone at all yet. Why are we the only ones who risk our life’s while she just gets to stay here all the time? It’s like you let her stay because she’s your favorite.” There was some agreement and then everyone seemed to turn to look at me. I think I sunk in my chair a little. I glared at Lia. I patch her up and heal and nurse everyone here and this is what I get?

…Are you kidding me?