Breathe

I felt my fingernail crack down the middle after its torturous few weeks of struggling to scrub floors. I took a moment to stop scrubbing and get a bandage on it, so I didn't spill chemicals into the open wound. I decided to empty my cleaning bucket into the sink and replace the chemicals, because this carpet cleaner wasn't cutting it. As I dumped the murky water down the kitchen drain, I wiped the sweat from my forehead using my sleeve. I finished rinsing out the bucket and began rinsing the sink of all of the red liquid before rummaging through the cabinet under the counter for a better cleaning solution, settling on bleach. I weighed the pros and cons of ruining this carpet to get it clean, bleaching the damn thing isn't the most effective way of going about it, and the owner would be pissed, if he were still alive. But I decided that the tradeoff was worth it, filling my bucket with bleach and watering it down. I tried to ignore my morals while scrubbing the red stain in the frizzled, now bleached into a sad beige colored carpet. The scent of the harsh chemical wafted up into my nostrils, burning my eyes and making them water.

This would be the perfect opportunity to cry.

I pushed this thought aside and got back to scrubbing the stains into oblivion. I stood up, hearing my knees crack and buckle as I did so, and admired my work before picking up my rags and scrub brush, throwing them into my cleaning bucket and heading to the kitchen. I dumped the bucket of chemicals, rags and blood into the sink, watching it swirl down the drain as the rags slopped into a corner of the rectangular, chrome bowl. I took off my rubber gloves and threw them into a random laundry basket before changing my clothes in the bathroom. I hadn't brought any with me, I just stole some from a nearby dresser. The clothes I had on reminded me of good times, except now bleached and blood stained passed recognition. I changed into some old sweatpants in the bottom of the drawer and a sweater that was way too large for me. They both smelled of copper and mildew, but the smell was bearable and honestly quite pleasant compared to the smell of bleach and rotting flesh I had been smelling for the past few weeks. After I had changed, I tossed my phone into the sweater pocket and headed back into the living room, noticing that the back door was open. "h-hello?" I asked into the seemingly empty house. No response. I turned around and nearly jumped into the ceiling seeing Axel standing over me. "Hey, sweet-cheeks," he said with a low voice and a sing song tone. "Shit! h-hi, Axel" I whimpered. "You done with those stains?" he asked while looking over my shoulder. "y-yeah, I got them, I ruined the carpet though" I said, calming down. "You still nervous about all this?" he asked, softly. "a little... but I got it..." I answered. "Good, let's go home." he grabbed his hoodie from on the couch and opened the door. "After you, my love," he said with a smile. I giggled a little, remembering how things used to be, before all this. Back in high school, Me, Eli, Damien, Henry, Alice and Axel. close friends, forever by each other's side, all for one and one for all. But it's different now. I hopped into Axel's car and began staring out the window.

I sighed and wiped some of Eli's blood from my face

We made it to a gas station a few hours later and Axel went in to grab some snacks "I'll be right back. want some combos?" he asked. "Sure, I guess I'm a little hungry" He went inside, and I pulled my phone out of the large pocket of the hoodie I stole. I opened Facebook and scrolled through the memorial accounts I had bookmarked. Everyone here should still be alive. I tried to cry, but the tears just weren't there. The car door swung open, and a bag of combos landed on my lap. "Eat up, you look malnourished" Axel sighed. He then ducked his massive frame into the car and turned the key before shutting the door and shifting into drive. "Where are we going?" I asked quietly. "Some motel, I feel like laying low" He shrugged. I sighed and opened the bag of snacks on my lap, throwing a handful into my mouth before continuing to doomscroll on my phone. "what's wrong, baby?" Axel said trying to comfort me. I ignored him and popped my headphones in. The car hummed down the roads in silent commotion as the sun began to rise subtly in the backdrop of the sky, just behind the car window. I put my phone back into my pocket and placed my gaze on the flying scenery behind the glass. We pulled into the motel parking lot and Axel stopped the car. "Stay here for a sec, I'm gonna get us a room" He left the car and slammed the door. I watched him through the window as I sat in delusionary quiet. He left the motel office and walked back up to the car just as the light of dawn began to form frost on the windows. He opened my door and reached over me to grab his keys. "We're in room 6a, c'mon, let's get some rest" He waved for me to follow him as he walked up to the building. I got out of the car and closed the door. My head spun from the astronomically low iron content in my blood. A side result of not eating for the past 8-ish days. I got to the stairs at the same time he did; due to the awkward jog I used to catch up to him. He walked up the rusty metal stairs as they groaned under his weight. I followed him, treading carefully as not to misstep and stumble. Axel was muscular, 6'6", 220 lbs. His back, shoulders and arms could make a body builder cry. And he didn't even work out. I admired him silently from behind as he led me to our room. He had been wearing the same black jeans and grey short sleeve t-shirt for the last few weeks. Stains and rips covered the front of them. The view reminded me of my own stature and appearance. I was scrawny and small; 5'3", 115 lbs. My outfit helped to hide the complete lack of muscle and anorexic shape of me. "Here we are" Axel fiddled with the doorknob until the door opened. He waved me inside and smiled before turning on the lights by the door. "Seriously?" I asked, pointing at the one twin bed sat in the back corner of the room. He sighed. "I can sleep on the floor; this room was the cheapest" He bowed his head before taking a comforter from the bed and throwing it on the floor. "Did you sleep in the car?" He asked me. "Nah, I was scrolling on my phone" I answered, rubbing my eyes. "Get some rest, I invited Alice. I sighed before stumbling over to the bed and throwing myself onto it. I didn't fall asleep instantly, instead, I drifted off into a waking reverie, daydreaming about my past. I remembered how perfect everything was, just a few years ago. Specifically, I remembered a single day; the last day of senior year. It was a Thursday, end of spring. All my friends and I sat outside in the sun; eating chips and some awful school hamburgers, before Axel saved the day, bringing my friends and I some Subway. We were cheering and laughing as our fellow students and favorite teachers participated in stupid lawn games and challenges. Not a care in the world between the six of us. We drove out to the town that night and drank until we couldn't walk straight. We all had colleges or job opportunities lined up. Our futures all but guaranteed.

Then, the accident.

While driving down a nameless dirt road, with all of our friends in the car, our designated driver swerved off the road, rolling the car and ending up in a ditch. Axel shielded me with his body, saving my life but badly injuring himself in the process. He was the only injury, everyone else escaped without a scratch. But Axel had gotten a serious concussion. He fell into a coma for four days before finally waking up. The doctors said that it was miraculous. He had woken up as if it were a nap. No memory loss or serious aptitude changes. Seemingly no consequences. He was released from the hospital the next day, deciding to move in with me instead of going home. He sold his house and started living with me full-time shortly after. He went back to work earlier than the doctors recommended, getting a job at McDonalds for a quick buck. We were happy, for a while. He seemed normal to the doctors and almost completely normal to everyone else. But I saw changes. He stopped caring for animals. He stopped donating to charities. He began carelessly littering or committing petty crimes. Stealing and loitering, etcetera. He stopped smiling at his favorite things and other people, only me. And he gave up on a lot of smaller projects more often. He started lying about the smallest things; eating my snacks, removing songs from playlists. He was also more reckless, throwing himself at the closest opportunity to act irresponsibly. There was clearly something wrong, but not I nor our friends said or did anything about it. My friends and I kept hanging out, as before, the six of us versus the world. We all started college within months and Damien went to boot camp. Everything was still amazing. Until that awful day. Axel said he had invited Henry over for dinner. Henry was probably the smartest of our old friend group. He was going to Bowdoin for math and computer sciences and had just started his first semester. He was outgoing, kind and overall, an interesting guy with a great sense of humor. I was excited, because out of the six of us, I had seen Henry the least. It had been almost two months without seeing him in person; he always seemed busy. But apparently, Axel had gotten ahold of him and invited him over for dinner in a few days. I spent the whole time preparing for him to come over, cleaning the walls and floors and setting up the living room to look nice. The day finally came when Henry knocked on our door. It was late; 9:00 when he arrived. I excitedly invited him inside and we began talking about everything going on in our lives. However, something was off with Axel. Despite the fact that Axel was the one who invited Henry for dinner, he seemed distant and fidgety. I thought nothing of it and dinner went off without a hitch. I decided to get us some wine to help finish off the night. I kissed Axel and jokingly said "behave" before heading into the bedroom to grab some wine from under my bed. As I weighed the pros and cons of getting out the expensive stuff, I heard some shouting from the living room. I was concerned at first, but brushed it off as either the TV or some stupid argument about a sports team and finally decided to bring out our more expensive bottle of 2011 Chateau Lafite. I entered the living room, noticing that the yelling had stopped. But I dropped the bottle on the floor as soon as I looked at the scene in front of me. The bottle shattered on the ground, soaking my pant leg in $700 wine and spreading glass shards everywhere. The floor was drenched in blood, Henry's lifeless body laid limp over the arm of my couch, leaking blood and viscera from the neck and stomach. I dropped to my knees in tears, dazed and sick to my stomach. What happened? My mind was racing. Why was one of my closest friends dead on my sofa? I frantically checked to see if he was alive. The answer was a resounding 'no'. He had lost way too much blood. I sat back for a moment in shock. My hands were drenched in blood. I got up and went into the kitchen to wash my hands. I watched Henry's blood wash down the drain of my kitchen sink. Out of nowhere, Axel was standing over me, breathing heavily. "Hey, babe" he said casually, as if there weren't a bloody corpse in our living room. "What's going on?" I shuddered. "I killed Henry" he said blankly. My boyfriend had just murdered one of our closest friends in cold blood and just admitted it to me nonchalantly. My body went numb. "Why?" I asked. "I dunno, I was bored" he answered. "Help me clean this up, sweetheart" he started rummaging through the cabinets under the sink. "What?" I asked in disbelief. "I could use some help cleaning up the body and all the blood and stuff" He chuckled. I nearly passed out just then. But my body just started moving, as if it were on autopilot. I couldn't control myself. I bent down next to him and grabbed some cleaning supplies, kissed him on the cheek and walked into the bathroom to grab a towel. I reentered the living room and began swabbing up all the blood with the towel, careful not to get any on my clothes. I finished wiping all the blood off of the hardwood floors and tossed the towel into a garbage bag. Axel had moved the body onto a tarp he dragged into the kitchen and wrapped it up before heading into the backyard with it. I finished making sure there was no blood on the floor and that I hadn't scratched the wood stain before taking the trash bag outside. Axel had seemingly started a fire and had already thrown Henry's body onto it by the time I got out there. "Hey, Axel. This goes in the fire too?" I asked, still reeling from all that had happened. "Yeah, I'll get that for you." He took the bag out of my hand and tossed it onto the fire. "Thanks, babe" He patted me on the shoulder and sat on a nearby log bench. I sat next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder, watching the fire burn my former friend to a crisp. Then I woke up. I realized I had dozed off while reminiscing, lying there in the crumby motel bed. Axel was asleep on the floor. I went back to sleep. Poor Alice was about to face the same fate.