Her Fallen Demon

My entire life had always been in black and white. There was only one right way. All the other ways were wrong. It was what our Lord taught us. His way was the only way.

I’d never questioned it. Never thought he could be holding things back from us. Not until I began to see things in color. It was Malachi that brought that out in me. Malachi, that made me question everything I had ever known.

Time had no concept in Heaven. A decade seemed like mere minutes if you didn’t pay close attention. And I never did. Not until he opened my eyes.

Malachi had always toed the line, pushed the boundaries. He embodied everything I’d been taught to avoid, yet he was my best friend.

But now he was…more.

I should feel ashamed. I should beg our Lord and savior for forgiveness. Yet I did no such thing.

Never once had I disobeyed any commands. Never once had I strayed from the path of light. But now, now I was willing to risk it all for the angel…no the man I loved.

His soul was headed toward damnation. A deep, fiery pit awaited him.

It was the only reason I had signed up to join the other angels tasked with finding him and the other fallen, before they succumbed to the devil’s will and became demons.

I thought God would shun me. Thought he would turn me away. He was all knowing, so he must know that I now faltered in my faith. Yet my God was a forgiving God and perhaps he knew only I could bring Malachi back.

It was a month ago today that total chaos shattered our once serine, peaceful existence. Malachi had become more and more rebellious in the weeks lining up to his fall. He and a group of other liked minded angels began questioning things that were not for them to question.

Late night meetings. Secret codes. It was all building up for disaster. I could feel it in the air before it ever exploded. Perhaps God had to. This wasn’t his first experience with fallen angels. Nor would it be his last. However, this was the biggest betrayal since the Great Fall when Lucifer took his plunge.

Malachi had come to me the night before. It wasn’t something unusual. Once he realized that I saw him in a different light than I had before, things changed between us. He held my hand when no one was around. He brought me flowers and other trinkets of his affection.

Things that God would have disapproved of. Things that made my heart swell.

As angels, we were supposed to love everyone, but the love I had felt for Malachi was something entirely different. Something incomparable.

That night, he told me there would be an uproar the following day. He told me to prepare for the worst. If only I had known what the worst would entail.

He had kissed me that night. It started simple and sweet, but when I kissed him back, I could feel a need in him that yearned to break free. His kiss promised so much more.

And I wanted it.

I knew better. It was a sin.

Yet I would have gladly given him my all that night.

If we hadn’t been interrupted…If I had agreed to meet him later that night.

The next day I was antsy not knowing what was going to happen and when. I wasn’t the only one. I think we all knew it was coming. God knew. He always knew.

That day, he kept me close to him. From my position by the throne, I studied the other angels coming and going, and I was surprised to see some watching each other. Had others also opened their eyes? Was Malachi and my love not the only forbidden secret?

It wasn’t until that night at supper that Malachi and a group of angels confronted God. Our God might be forgiving, but his wrath was vengeful. He called his commanders out to handle the commotion, telling us that this was what happened when you strayed from the light.

Their protest, however, brought questions to my mind. Was God always right? Who was he to control our every move, every thought?

By his words, my love for Malachi was wrong. I should love him as a brother, not have deep-rooted feelings for him. I should not desire him in the way a mortal woman desires a mortal man.

God demanded that the rebel party bow down and ask forgiveness or face Gabriel’s sword. A sword that meant death. Gabriel had been a knight, fought in many wars, and was deadly. He was God’s killing machine.

In the chaos that had erupted, I tried to make my way to Malachi. I knew he was heading for the great hole. He was ready to fall. I think he had wanted to tell me, and maybe he would have if we had not been interrupted.

I was so close to catching up with him when Raphael caught me, steeling my arms in his grasp. Malachi and I made eye contact, and I could see the fury in his eyes. He was angry. Angry at God. Angry that Raphael had caught me in his grasp. Angry at the lies he had been fed our entire existence.

He was the last to fall.

When he was gone, I screamed. I screamed so loud it felt like the sound echoed the entire Heavens. Collapsing at Raphael’s feet, I mourned the loss of Malachi. Mourned the loss of my love.

For that reason alone, I was surprised when God included me in his search party for the fallen. It was widely known that Lucifer opened his arms to the fallen, offering them a place in his kingdom for defying God. We wouldn’t have long to find them.

Some angels chose to blend in with the humans, others sought Lucifer out the moment they landed. If I knew Malachi, and I did, he would be ready and willing to bow to Lucifer and accept his gift of becoming one of his demons.

I prayed that I could stop him. There was no coming back from that. God would never allow a demon to pass through the Gates.

Even now, sitting around God’s throne, I was only halfway listening to him warn us of the sins that lay in the mortal world. All I wanted was to find Malachi. If I could just talk to him, I could convince him to come back. God had sworn to be lenient to any who came back willingly.

It was a fool’s errand. I hated to admit it, but everyone of the angels who had taken the fall knew what they were doing. They had been prepared for what had happened, and now I wondered if it wasn’t in their plan to begin with.

My soul ached without Malachi. It was like a piece of me was missing. When he had fallen, he had taken my heart with him. Now here I was having to fake my way through every single interaction I had with anyone.

I wore a mask. A mask of happiness. A mask of sunshine daisies, everything is going to be all right.

Dark, morbid thoughts now crossed my mind. What if Malachi died in the fall? What if his wings had failed him? What if he forgot all about me the moment he landed?

His Wings. They had always been so beautiful. He would have cut them off by now. God could shield ours, but the fallen had to surrender theirs or be slowly poisoned. Only when and if they turned into a demon would they grow wings back. Even if they set foot back into Heaven, they would always remain wingless, a testimonial of a past betrayal to our Lord.

“Evangeline, may I have a word with you before you depart?”

I swallowed, afraid he had been able to read my thoughts. “Yes, my Lord.” I said, looking up at God.

Looking up at him was something akin to looking straight at the sun. If you looked too long, you would burn your eyes at his brightness. “I know Malachi’s fall was hard on you. Are you certain you are ready for the task at hand? He may resist. Gabriel may have to bring him back kicking and screaming.”

I nodded, forcing myself to look at him, even as tears stung my eyes from the glare. “I will not fail you, my Lord.”

He nodded. “Go Evangeline. Godspeed.”

Without hesitation, I turned and joined the other members of the party. Being under God’s eye could be intimidating. It was like he could see through you, see every lie you’ve ever told.

I’d never lied to God before. Not until Malachi. Not until recently.

Gabriel was to lead us, along with Raphael and Michael. Our party comprised 12 angels. Male and female alike. I was assigned to Gabriel. I’m sure, so he could monitor me.

Once we landed, however, we were all allowed to go our separate ways in search of the fallen. They would have all fallen in the same place and separated. They left a trail, one that grew fainter by the day, allowing us to track them.

Unlike the Fallen, we did not fall from Heaven. We would walk right through the great gates. They would swing open for us, allowing us to depart. They would check our names off the great list and recheck them upon our reentry.

Once we set foot on earth, we would appear as a mere mortal. Nothing would set us apart or make us stand out. In fact, we would look almost plain. Our striking blue eyes would fade, and the glow that always surrounded us would dim.

If I had ever been mortal, I couldn’t remember. Once you walk through Heaven’s gates, you lose all ties to the mortal world. There is no great meeting up with lost ones. No one waiting with open arms. There is only God. All anyone needs, really.

Or at least that’s what I used to think. Now I can’t imagine the confusion of anyone who entered the gates expecting to see loved ones, only to find him. Would they feel comfort in the Lord?

The new angels that appeared always seemed almost… What’s the word Malachi had used? Brainwashed. It seemed as if everything they once were had been erased from their minds.

Perhaps that’s the way it was supposed to be. Who was I to judge God’s plan?

I had to keep my priorities in check. I had joined this search party to find Malachi and bring him back. I needed him.

Without him, I felt so…alone. So cold… So empty.

Please don’t let me be too late.

I’d repent for both of us if I had to.

“Once we land, you are on your own. Once you find one of the fallen, call. Do not try to take one alone without one of us there to assist you. The fallen will do and say anything to avoid judgment.”

Gabriel’s words echoed throughout the great hall, bringing my mind back to task.

“Time is of the essence, but do not think this is a day trip. It can take months, sometimes even years, to find a fallen.” Raphael looked around the room as he spoke. “This is a great honor our Lord has bestowed upon you. Remember your faith. Walk in his shadow.”

My nerves were getting the best of me and it was taking everything in me to stay still. I was about to land on earth. I was about to be in the same realm as Malachi, and my body could feel it.

“The fallen are not the angels you once knew. What once was your friend, now sees himself as your enemy. Do not go into this with your head in the clouds.”

I looked up as Michael spoke. He was looking straight at me. I managed to hold on to his eye contact until he looked away, but I knew that was his warning to me.

Malachi was not the angel I once knew. He was now a fallen. His soul teetered on falling straight into the fiery pits of hell. Only by God’s grace and a lot of luck would I be able to save him.

We walked toward the gates as a group. Our heads held high. Each of us on a mission from God. Was I the only one who had doubts about what was to come? Was I the only one here searching for one of the fallen for personal reasons? If any of the others were in the same predicament as me, they didn’t let it show.

Not that I blamed them. I’m sure they would watch me closely.

My entire plan revolved around finding Malachi first and trying to talk some sense into him. To convince him to come back home. I’d never really felt anger or betrayal, but I was upset with him. He left me. He knew it would hurt me.

He also knew I would follow him.

I’d always followed him.

The first thing I would do when I saw him was slap him as hard as I could. I wanted to see my fingerprints on his face.

Then, and only then, would I kiss him. Feel his lips move against mine.

Dear Jesus, help me through this.