I want to live, not live

Every stroke of a brush or wisp of paint filled my heart with joy. I sat in the middle of Westford Park, with a picnic blanket and a bag. Tubes of paint lay on the ground while I focused. I could see the light the sun cast or the shadows the trees created. A wonderful muse for my piece. 

After an hour, I finished painting the scenery.

I packed up my supplies without much care for my messy attire. Then fixed up my hair into a bun and set off back home. Usually, I walked for thirty minutes while I held the canvas steady. My dream job is to become a world-class artist, and my old work has been requested to be displayed at an art gala.

As long as I make new pictures to showcase the new top models for this year.

After the gala, the owners wish to host a fashion show and use the painting as the backdrop. I smiled and walked up to the front door of my house. I still lived with my parents. Only recently did my career take off somewhere, and I hope to move out soon enough. I walked inside as a butler took my canvas into my studio to dry.

Another greeted me and motioned me to the dining room.

“Your family is waiting for you, Miss Kissa.” He spoke, as I nodded. Then joined my mother and father at the dinner table. The chefs served a whole pork at the center of the table with salads and other smaller dishes.

“Kissa! We wanted to celebrate you.” My mother smiled and placed her hand on my shoulder as I sat next to her. On the other side, my father smiled and greeted me.

“Yes, we are quite proud of you.” He chuckled, “Surely, we hoped eventually you would give this up and join our business.”

“I don’t enjoy your business.” I frowned. They would buy property and sell it to other people. My family had generations that did this.

“You will.” He moved his fork and cut up his pork. “We worked so hard, you don’t have to worry about anything.”

“Yes, this is just a hobby, Kissa.” My mother passed me a piece of meat. “You, my sweet pea, already have your life fulfilled.”

I wasn’t fulfilled at all.

My days here are empty.

I have nothing made by my own hands and sweat. Everything handed down to me, I am grateful for, but I want to use it. Beyond the norm. I sighed and kept my mouth closed. We ate, spoke, and my parents invited me to a boat cruise.

I smiled and nodded.

This is just a hobby, Kissa.

It lingered, as I stared at my plate. Most activities I got into were painted in such a way. My parents didn’t expect me to go out into the world. It took months to win the right to return home as I wished. Many arguments ended up being lost to a few simple words.

It’s not your house. It’s ours, so therefore our rules.

I didn’t quite feel twenty-two as I lightly placed the fork down. Then went into my room to pack my belongings for the cruise. Perhaps, this is all in my mind. Most people would die for a grand house and wealthy parents.

I packed everything in my suitcase as my mother came into my room.

“Don’t forget sunscreen.” She sat next to me. I sat by my bed as I folded a dress to wear later. “We will take great pictures together.”

“Mother, if I could have a different career, would you be happy?” I asked, as she pondered for a moment. The silence made my stomach drop.

“Well, it would be better, but why? You have everything.” She smiled and pinched my cheek. “You have private tutors, our family business, etc. Just relax.”

“Alright.” I finished folding. Perhaps it was only me.

I only thought differently.

The room felt empty and cold. My skin bumped and slightly shivered.

For a long time.