What is your opinion?
Good beginning
"I have just read the first few chapters and hope to get to the rest soon. What I read was very good. The story presented natural questions and that chapter endings left me wanting more. The only negative thing I could say is that sometimes the dialogue did not seem quite natural. It was a little forced at times. Also, a little more description could possibly heighten the emotion of the story. All in all, a very good beginning."
A great start
"Well, I don't really know what to write in this review. Having read this over a few days, I must admit that the intriguing plot and characters kept me hooked from the moment I started this. It shows a lot of promise and I hope to see and read more of it soon. Overall a fantastic start and a joy to read. Well done and fabulous work!"
A solid work-in-progress
"I am reviewing this as a draft and so will concentrate on the story that is being built. My major suggestion is to write in more of an active voice. First sentence, for example: “It was one telephone call that would kick off a chain of events that would rock Samuel’s world.” Try “One telephone call kicked off a chain of events that rocked Samuel’s world.” Or something like that. The setting, story, dialogue etc is beautifully English and I suggest expanding more on the “Englishness” of this piece. The pacing seems a bit rushed at times. I am interested, however, to revisit this piece as it develops. I can chat more if you’d like, hope my notes are helpful."
Uncovering the Past
"In many ways I agree with the strengths and weaknesses expressed by the two previous reviewers. The plot is interesting, not totally original (but it doesn't need to be), but maybe not fully worked out yet. This is a common trope--someone comes to an old house, has a strange experience with the past, etc., (heck, I do the same thing in one of my stories on Inkitt!), but I think you have a nice take on it that could/will make it exciting (future chapters will no doubt reveal this). However, I noticed that the chapters in the past, 4 and 6, are to me much more interesting and fully-fleshed out than the 'present' chapters. I was immediately interested in this world and the characters, and the writing seemed to take off as well. The present chapters at times felt like filler (in the sense that they were merely getting us to our destination). I like using dialogue, so no worries there, but sometimes it felt a little lifeless.. Often this is simply from a lack of punctuation that can help bring words to life (remember to use commas where you add pauses or emphasis in real life). Also, be sure to make dialogue part of the sentence like so (my example): "Honey, I already finished those dishes hours ago," he said (no period, comma to make it part of the entire sentence--sometimes you use a comma and sometimes a period). Just try to make the dialogue sing: read it out loud and use different voices to imagine how this and that character would sound. This aside, I'm very interested in what you've written and wonder if you could write a story that actually focuses more on the past? Somehow, I think you have a knack for this period and style of writing, and I would like to see more of it. Something to consider...in the meantime, good luck with your writing and the contest!"
Plot shows promise
"This set up is quite nicely done; like all ghost stories, the build up is slow and drawn which kept me interested enough to carry on reading and I would be intrigued to know where the story is going after this point. The major drawback that I see is the sheer amount of dialogue. It seems that everything a character experiences is expressed through what they say rather than through their actions. It's easy enough to have a character to say 'I'm feeling emotional,' or something to that effect, but it is a lot more engaging for the reader if they have to work that out for themselves. At times it felt a little like I was being spoon fed the information which meant my own imagination didn't manage to kick into gear at all to help make the story real for me. Dialogue is always tricky. One of the things to keep in mind is that in a conversation between two people, you don't have to keep saying he said, she said, he said if you've established who was speaking first. Your audience will get the idea and be able to keep up with who is saying what unless there is a break in the conversation. I think my main issue is the fact that it felt a little too historical in how it was put together - it felt like I was reading a series of events rather than a story itself. One of the ways you can do that is by reducing the dialogue and have the characters show what is on their mind or (even better in the early stages of a story) allude to what might be on their mind without the audience actually knowing for sure. Another thing that seems to be lacking is the experience aspect - everything was based on what the character sees but there is practically no reference to the other four senses. It is amazing how much tension you can build up in a scene by simply having someone tasting a glass of water and finding it to be a little bitter. As people, we experience the world in so many ways and the same should be true of your characters. Generally though, I am interested by this story but I feel it needs to benefit from more character action and less character dialogue if you want to really build the suspense and get the reader dying to find out what happens next."
