When The Phone Rings

“I told you to get back out there! To get back on the horse… Not my sister!”

“Hey, what’s the difference?”

A lone man lay prone atop a filth-covered leather couch, letting out a gruff laugh in sync with that of the live studio audience coming from the TV. His right arm hung limp off the side of the sofa, weakly flailing in an attempt to grab the half-empty bottle of beer from beside him on the floor. An action that only succeeded in knocking over the staggering collection of already empty bottles that littered his surroundings, forcing a muttered curse from between his lips.

With overwhelming effort, the man turned his head away from the TV in annoyance, trying to find the bottle he was in such desperate need of. The moment he did so, after letting out a strained grunt in an effort to reach the bottle, he swiftly brought it to his lips as he took a large swig of the lukewarm, disgusting liquid resting inside. Only once there was naught but a few drops left inside did he proceed to unceremoniously chuck it onto the trash-filled floor. There it joined its brethren in what could only be described as a graveyard of empty beer bottles and takeaway wrappers. A floor so disgusting and overflowing with piles of trash that it was all but impossible to see any of the dusty hardwood flooring that lay below.

After that, the man simply turned his attention back to the TV, continuing to watch the outdated comedy show currently playing that he had seen at least a hundred times before. Or at least he tried to. Before long, he found his attention drifting, drawn away by the constant pitter-patter of footsteps echoing from somewhere behind him. At first, the man simply tried to ignore it, knowing the cause of such noise already. Yet after a particularly loud bang resounded throughout the entire apartment, he found himself unable to do so any longer.

“Lily!” He shouted, making himself wince at the volume of his own voice. “Can you please stop making so much noise? Daddy’s trying to watch TV.”

As he spoke, he was unable to stop the slight slurring of his speech, showcasing just how drunk he already was–despite the large antique clock that hung on the wall having yet to strike noon. No sooner had his slurred voice carried through the apartment than it was met with a soft patter that swelled into a steady rhythm from behind him. Such a sound grew louder and louder as it quickly neared him, until at last, it came to a stop, and a young girl, no older than four, with long brown hair that reached her back and wearing a bright blue floral dress, peeked out from the side of the couch.

“Sorry, Daddy.” The girl weakly mumbled, her eyes downcast as she squeezed her miniature arms around herself, squishing the zebra teddy that hung in her grip as tightly as possible–a teddy that had long since seen better days, marred by a multitude of stains and tears.

Upon seeing the apologetic expression on his daughter’s face as she stood awkwardly before him, and as he met her vibrant, light-blue eyes, the man felt a sharp pang of emotion from the depth of his chest. So much so that he was forced to look away as he was assailed by the painful memories he had spent the last few months trying desperately to forget. Instead, he transfixed his stare back onto the TV, waving his arm in his daughter’s direction while letting out a heavy sigh in reply.

“It’s fine. Just be a bit quieter, alright, sweetie?”

He caught his daughter from the corner of his eye as she gave a muted nod in reply before beginning to make her way back to her room with slow, sullen steps. Only upon hearing the quiet sound of a door shutting closed a few seconds later after she had left his peripheral did he allow himself to once again relax. At least, that was until he was assaulted by feelings of disgust and self-loathing as he realised what he’d just done and how he’d treated his daughter.

Yet despite such a feeling, he made no effort to rise from the couch. Instead, he stayed slumped on the couch, joined by feelings of guilt, shame and every other negative emotion he had become exceedingly familiar with over the past few months. They were emotions that, in his drunk and miserable state, he had no desire to face. And so, the man quickly snatched one of the few unopened beers that sat on the side table, taking a long, drawn-out sip as he stared vacantly at the TV before him, hoping to wash away the twisting pain gnawing inside him.

For over two hours, he sat with his attention fixed on the TV, trying to still every unpleasant thought and emotion that rattled incessantly within his weary mind. Alas, no matter how hard he tried, forgetting remained an impossibility–just like it had every day over the past three months. All that he managed to accomplish was adding three more empty bottles to his growing collection on the floor until a sudden chime reverberated across the apartment.

Before the man could even let out a groan or make a feeble attempt to stand up, recognising the noise as the sound of the doorbell, a shrill scream echoed from within the apartment. Instantly, his daughter barrelled through the living room towards the front door. Peaking his head over the couch, he watched as she excitedly jumped up to the door, flinging it open with a surprising amount of force before he could even say a word. Yet the moment she did so, any worry the man may have possessed at the possibility of his daughter’s safety disappeared as he immediately recognised the woman who was soon revealed.

“Auntie Gemma!” Lily shouted in enthusiasm as she launched herself towards the middle-aged woman who stood in the doorway, wrapping her tiny arms around her legs.

“Lily sweetie! It’s so good to see you.” The woman named Gemma replied, flinging Lily up from the ground and into her chest. An action that resulted in a delighted squeal from Lily as she wrapped her arms around the woman’s neck through the thick brown curls that blocked the way.

“Oomph. Look at how much you’ve grown. I barely recognise you!”

“Silly, I haven’t grown! It’s only been a week!”

“A week too long. I’ve missed you so much!” Once more, giggles filled the room as the man watched Gemma shower Lily with an avalanche of kisses, sending her flailing in playful desperation to escape.

Only once Lily was left an exhaustive mess in Gemma’s arms, with lipstick markings covering her entire face, did she set her back down onto the ground. “Now enough playing around, who’s ready to go and visit the zoo!”

“Me! I am! Me!”

“Alrighty then.” Gemma chortled. “Why don’t you quickly grab anything you need to get, and then we can set off?” Before she had even finished her sentence, Lily had already sped away to her room with a cheer, almost crashing into the wall in her excitement.

Throughout all of this, the man on the couch watched the whirlwind of action in a complete stupor, having not moved a single muscle from his spot. He tried to make sense of what exactly was happening, something that in his drunken state he was less than successful in–a fact that didn’t change even when Gemma turned her attention towards him. He did, however, notice the way her cheery smile vanished from her face the moment their eyes met.

“We’ll be back around six o’clock. I’ll sort out lunch and dinner for her, and I’ll give you a call if we get delayed.” She said curtly as she stepped closer to the couch, her voice sharp and cold, the polar opposite to how she had chatted with Lily.

The man, in response, simply stared blankly back in silence, waiting for his brain to understand what was going on and provide him with some answers. Unfortunately, no such revelation emerged, forcing him to finally respond as the silence became too heavy to bear.

“What are you on about? Where are you two going exactly?”

A look of shock quickly formed on Gemma’s face–one that swiftly transformed into outrage as she took yet another step closer towards the couch. “For god sake’s, Spencer, this is ridiculous! We talked about this just last week! We agreed that today I would take Lily to see the zoo. How do you not remember?”

Spencer tried to think back, absently scratching the long, patchy beard he was currently sporting. Eventually, he managed to vaguely remember such a conversation with Gemma a week prior, though the details remained fuzzy. He was pretty sure he’d been drunk at the time, which wasn’t all that surprising considering how heavily he’d been drinking–as his floor could attest.

“Hmm, kind of? Sounds familiar.”

At his lacklustre reply, a vein running along Gemma’s forehead began to bulge in simmering rage, accompanied by the sound of grinding teeth. Yet just before it looked like she was about to explode, she proceeded to close her eyes and take a slow, calming breath. Only once the growing shade of crimson overtaking her face began to recede and her jaw unclenched, did she look back to Spencer.

“You know, it’s not too late to come with us.” She eventually said, to the complete shock of Spencer. “All you would need to do is go shower and shave. Two things you need to desperately do regardless. I know it would mean a lot to Lily if you came.”

However, despite the sincerity and emotion that flowed from her words by the end, Spencer had barely heard a word of it. His mind was elsewhere, having instantly been transported to the memory of the last time he had been to the zoo less than a year prior.

He could remember it as if it were yesterday, with Lily’s high-pitched laughter resounding throughout the park as she ran excitedly from exhibit to exhibit with stars in her eyes. Specifically, he remembered the moment they had entered the gift shop and Lily had exploded in excitement, racing towards the array of plushies that covered the shelves. All he could do was follow along in fond amusement, a look that was mirrored by the gorgeous brown-haired woman who had stood directly beside him and who looked identical to Lily. A woman whose mere thought left him with a deep sense of hollowness and grief.

“Mommy! Daddy! I want this one! This one!” Lily all but screamed in excitement as she raced back to the two of them with a zebra plushie strangled in her arms.

“Alright, this one it is, princess.” Spencer said as he scooped up Lily, earning an excited squeal in reply.

“What are you going to call it?” The woman beside him asked with a loving smile adorning her face as she looked at Lily.

“Silly mommy, it’s Zebra,” Lily replied with a frown as if it was obvious, forcing Spencer to do his best to hide his smirk and not burst out in laughter.

“You heard the little lady, Chloe dearest. Zebra it is.”

“I swear.” Chloe sighed. “She might have got my looks, but she definitely got your personality. Like two peas in a pod.”

“Is that an issue?” He asked with a smug smile.

“No. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

With that, the two of them gazed lovingly into one another’s eyes before drawing closer and sharing a gentle, affectionate kiss.

“Eww! Mommy and daddy kissed.” Lily immediately groaned in disgust from between them, interrupting the tender moment and eliciting a chuckle from both Spencer and Chloe in amusement–laughter Lily was quick to join in with, painting the perfect picture of a happy family.

As the memory of that treasured day came to an end, Spencer couldn’t stop the heart-wrenching sadness and despair that plagued his very soul as he was forced to accept the stark reality of his current life. A lone tear slowly cascaded down his face as he was once again reminded that he would never get to see the woman he so dearly loved ever again.

“No, I think I’ll stay.” He eventually choked out, upon seeing that Gemma was still waiting for a reply, wiping away the tear trail left on his face before she could spot it.

Unfortunately, that was not the correct response, not if the raging look of annoyance and anger that appeared on Gemma’s face was anything to go by. “You know what? No. I’m bloody sick of this. You’re coming with us whether you like it or not!”

With that, before Spencer could even react, Gemma swiftly closed the distance between them, or at least she tried to. Yet the moment she got within a couple of feet, her expression quickly morphed into one of disgust as she hastily backpedalled in retreat. The sound of nauseated gagging and the sight of her pinching her nose as her face turned a light green let him know the cause.

“Fucking hell, Spencer! Really? You smell like a fucking brewery!” Gemma exclaimed as she wiped away the few stray tears that had started to form in her eyes. “It’s barely even midday and you’re already drinking? Tell me, are you even bloody sober right now?”

At the sound of the undisguisable contempt that all but dripped from Gemma’s voice, with the help of the liberal amount of alcohol in his system, Spencer began to feel his own anger growing in response. “What does it fucking matter to you? Last I checked, I don’t need your fucking permission to do what I want. If I want a few drinks, I can damn well have a few drinks.”

Gemma just stared at him as if he were an idiot, too flabbergasted to even reply, as her mouth fluttered open and closed without a word being uttered.

“For god’s sake.” She finally managed to get out. “What about Lily? What if god forbid something had happened because you weren’t watching over her, too busy getting drunk and watching TV!”

Spencer clenched his teeth at what Gemma was suggesting. As if he would ever let something bad or dangerous happen to his daughter. As if she weren’t his number one priority. Yet such indignation was quickly dimmed by a treacherous voice in the back of his mind.

‘She’s right! You’re a fucking failure! Too busy getting drunk to pay her any attention. She would be better off without you! You know that, Gemma knows that, hell, I’m sure even Lily does too. And I’m sure if Chloe could see you now, she would agree as well.’

Haunted by such thoughts, Spencer felt the small amount of anger he possessed washed away in an instant, leaving him with nothing but a sense of raw emptiness. A state that, over the past few months, had become all too familiar to him.

And so, back to his almost catatonic state, with not an ounce of energy remaining, Spencer let out a defeated sigh as he turned to the TV once again. “Whatever. She’s my daughter, not yours. I can look after her just fine, alright.” Unfortunately, his attempt to try and end the conversation did nothing more than add fuel to the fire as Gemma once more bristled at his dismissive tone.

“She is?” Gemma gasped in obviously feigned surprise. “I had no idea! After all, with the way you’ve been acting, I would have assumed she was nothing more than a stranger than actual family.”

Instantly, Spencer could feel his blood begin to boil as his anger returned with a vengeance. With a push, he launched himself out of his seat, having to keep a firm grip on the sofa to keep his balance as his vision spun in every possible direction. But even the growing sense of nausea such movement caused did little to abate his fury, which was on full display as he turned to face Gemma.

“How fucking dare you! Who do you think you are to say that shit to me in my ow-.”

Suddenly, before he could unleash the rage and frustration he felt, in the blink of an eye, he was brought to an abrupt halt. The anger that had fueled him drained away in an instant as his focus shifted from Gemma to the hallway, where a teary-eyed Lily stood gazing back with a large, worried frown on her face.

It didn’t take long for Gemma to follow his gaze, spotting Lily awkwardly standing in the centre of the hall. In an instant, the large smile she had previously worn reappeared on her face, though this time far more strained and stiff than before.

“Hey, sweetie! Are you all ready to go see the zoo!” She proclaimed in false cheer, unable to fully mask the tension in her voice.

In response, Lily simply gave a short nod of her head, no longer displaying the pure excitement and happiness she had only moments prior. Seeing this, and knowing he was responsible, Spencer was forced to turn away, unable to handle the guilt that wracked him as he stared at her miserable expression.

As quickly as he could, he spun around and collapsed back onto the couch, pretending to be absorbed in the TV, despite not hearing a single word that was being said. All he wanted was for Gemma and his daughter to quickly leave for the zoo, allowing him to stew in his own misery and self-hatred as he spent the next few hours getting progressively more drunk in an effort to fill the gaping hole in his soul. A hole he secretly knew would never be filled. Yet such hopes were soon dashed as after only a few moments of silence, he saw Lily as she timidly walked into his line of sight, her head directed at the floor and her zebra plushie choked in her grip.

“Are you coming to Daddy?” She asked in a frail whisper.

Seeing her anxious posture, a part of Spencer wanted nothing more than to say yes, if only to see his little girl smile as bright as a diamond, like she always used to. But alas, he knew, even if he truly wanted to, he couldn’t. At the moment, he could barely stand, let alone walk, and that wasn’t even taking into account his no doubt horrendous appearance and beer-fueled stench.

‘I probably wouldn’t even be allowed past the front gates as I am now.’ Spencer thought with a sigh.

“I’m afraid I can’t, Princess. But maybe another time, okay?” He watched as Lily didn’t say a word in reply, keeping her face locked to the trash-covered floor before slowly shuffling back towards Gemma.

“Alrighty! Why don’t you head outside while I finish chatting with Daddy, and then we can go to the zoo and see all the awesome animals you like. Sound good?” Gemma exclaimed. However, despite the false cheer in her voice, she received no response as Lily dejectedly opened and made her way out the front door, leaving Spencer and Gemma alone once again.

As Spencer sat there, he prepared himself for the verbal lashing that Gemma was going to hurl in his way–a lashing he knew he no doubt deserved. Yet as the seconds ticked by, the expected assault never came. Instead, he was met with a voice not of anger and fury, but of exasperation and sadness.

“You know, you weren’t the only one to lose somebody important that day, Spencer. We all did.” Gemma said solemnly, her words bringing to mind the image of a smiling brown-haired woman with blue eyes, just like Lily, who Spencer missed more and more with each day that passed.

“I know it’s painful; a day doesn’t pass that I’m not filled with sadness. But you have to move on. It’s what she would have wanted. You can’t keep putting your life on hold as you cling to the memory of her, putting everything else to the wayside. Otherwise, I promise you, she won’t be the only person you wind up losing.” With that, before Spencer could even reply, Gemma took her leave, slamming the door shut behind her and leaving Spencer alone with only the sound of the TV to accompany him.

After a moment, Spencer reached down for one of his beers, wanting more than ever to drown himself in alcohol and forget about everything else. However, no matter how hard he tried as he focused on the show in front of him, he couldn’t. The expression his daughter had worn as she left the apartment was burned into his mind. An image that sent him into a spiral of self-deprecating thoughts that left him with a growing pit of burning anger directed at himself. Just as he was reaching the apex of his rage and was about to throw the beer bottle in his hand at the nearest wall, he heard a familiar buzz come from his leftmost pocket that made him pause. He had received a message.

Slowly, Spencer pulled out his phone that rested in his pocket, wondering who had messaged him, although he already had a feeling of who it could be. It was a feeling that was soon proven correct as he was met with a message from Tony, whom he used to work with, a friend he hadn’t seen in months, despite how close they had been. Of course, Tony wasn’t the only exception. Since the funeral, aside from Gemma and Lily, Spencer hadn’t spoken to anyone else he once knew.

However, despite this, that hadn’t stopped Tony from messaging him to ask if he wanted to meet up at the weekend for drinks, something he had been doing constantly over the past few weeks. This was despite the fact that Spencer never once responded, always leaving him on read, an action he copied once again, not in the mood for any kind of interaction. And so, ignoring the message, he tucked his phone back into his pocket.

Suddenly, just as he was prepared to zone back out as he stared at the TV, a loud rumble could be heard throughout the apartment, one that originated from Spencer’s stomach. Realising how hungry he was, having not eaten anything all day, Spencer clambered his way up off the couch and headed towards the kitchen. It was then that a muttered curse escaped from his lips as he opened the fridge and was met with nothing but a six-pack of beer and a few microwavable meals for Lily.

Seeing the all but bare fridge before him, Spencer realised he needed to go shopping pronto–not only for himself, but also for Lily. Yet the moment he had such a thought, his body came to an immediate pause. Immediately, through the sluggish haze in his mind, he desperately thought through everything he had done that morning. He did so again and again, each time in the vain hope of a different answer, until the truth became undeniable. He had forgotten to make Lily’s breakfast.

At such a realisation, Spencer was left wanting to throw up in disgust. A second wave of self-hatred, even larger than the previous one, washed over him as he wondered how he could have possibly forgotten to do something so important. However, the more he thought about it, the more he realised how that wasn’t even the worst part. That honour belonged to the fact that, despite not having had anything to eat, Lily hadn’t said a word, leaving Spencer to wonder if this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened.

‘Gemma was right. I really am a fucking failure of a father! I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the fucking tree after all, huh, Dad.’ Spencer thought with a self-deprecating chuckle. A chuckle that ended abruptly.

“FUCK!” Without warning, he let loose a furious shout as he punched the fridge door as hard as he could, creating a large dent in the centre of the fridge.

Ignoring the growing pain forming in his hand and the turbulent emotions he currently felt, Spencer rushed to grab his wallet and keys that were haphazardly splayed across the kitchen counter. Quickly, he stormed his way out of the kitchen and towards the front door, both to get some much-needed food for Lily and himself as well as in desperate need of fresh air. So frantic in his desire to escape, he didn’t even bother locking the front door as he raced down the four flights of stairs in his way and exited the rustic apartment complex.

The moment he did so, he immediately started to take long, deep breaths of the warm summer air that now surrounded him. Only after doing so for close to a minute did he finally begin to feel himself start to calm back down, though the self-loathing he felt remained just as strong as before. Still, he had managed to reach some modicum of peace, something that was no doubt helped by the alcohol he had purged during his agitated sprint outside.

With that, letting out one last breath, Spencer began to finally march forward through the parking lot in front of him. Luckily, the store he was heading to was only a short walk away and easily reachable on foot–after all, he doubted getting into his car would be a smart decision in his current state. Even so, after only a few minutes, he started to regret such a decision. With every person or car that he passed, Spencer couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being constantly judged. As if each glance sent his way was steeped in disgust and contempt, aimed at his wretched appearance, with his long, greasy brown hair and matted beard that made him appear homeless.

For a second, he considered simply heading back home, wanting to be away from the swarm of onlookers and be left alone. However, at the memory of why he was doing this in the first place, he knew that wasn’t an option. So, despite how uncomfortable he felt, Spencer put his head down and continued marching forward, doing his best to ignore the piercing stares he felt all around him. It was then, after only a couple more minutes of walking, that he finally arrived at his destination, a small store that he had become intimately familiar with over the past couple of months.

Without a break in his stride, Spencer swiftly rushed inside, letting out a small sigh of relief at being out of the open. From there, with barely a cursory glance across the store, he raced along the aisles, pushing and barging past any of the people who stood in his way. The only times he stopped were to grab everything he needed for Lily, as well as a few things for himself. Once he had, having spent less than a minute inside the store, he immediately joined the long line for the cashier.

As he waited impatiently for his turn, tapping his foot loudly, not attempting to hide his annoyance, he started to scan the shelves around him in an attempt to distract himself. It was then that he noticed one shelf specifically to his right, one that held a variety of different plushies and teddies that instantly had Spencer thinking of Lily. This, in turn, left him riddled with self-loathing and guilt as he remembered her heartbroken expression as she had left for the zoo with Gemma. And so, wanting desperately to somehow make it up to her for not joining her at the zoo, he stepped out of the line and towards the shelf where he began to examine the array of plushies.

Eventually, Spencer decided on an elephant plushie that he thought would be perfect, remembering how much she loved them when they had last visited the zoo. With that, as he made his way back to the line for the cashier, a sense of excitement started to build within him at the thought of giving Lily the plushie. At least that was until he made it to the front of the line and reached the cashier.

“That’ll be $43.56, please, sir. Will you be paying by cash or by card?” The cashier asked politely.

“Card.”

“Alright, sir, please just place your card inside the reader whenever you’re ready.”

The moment Leo placed his card into the reader and heard the familiar beep of the machine, a grimace flashed over his face as his mood instantly soured. Not because of the amount he had spent, no, he was not in any worry about running out of cash anytime soon. He grimaced because of what every purchase ended up reminding him of: the death of his wife, Chloe.

The life insurance money he had received upon Chloe’s death was both a blessing and a curse. It allowed him to look after both himself and Lily, despite having been unemployed for the past few months. But it also meant that with every purchase he made, he was unable to escape the truth of her demise, her memory a spectre in his mind, always felt yet forever unseen. And every time, it left him with a deep, longing ache that stripped away any positivity he still possessed, leaving him hollow and miserable. Just as he was now.

As quickly as he could, Spencer grabbed his shopping bags from the cashier before all but running out of the store. At that moment, all he wanted was to get back home, collapse onto his couch and distract his mind anyway he could, preferably with a couple of bottles of beer. So, as he slammed the door shut upon arriving back home, and after discarding the shopping he had just bought onto the floor, that was exactly what he did. With laboured and heavy breaths, Spencer grabbed the six-pack of beer from within the fridge before flopping back onto the couch in exhaustion. He didn’t even attempt to put away the shopping. He simply began to drink bottle after bottle of beer, drinking through half the pack in an instant.

Once again, he was overcome with a numbing buzz he had not only gotten used to but desperately needed in order to even function. It was the only thing stopping him from unravelling completely, from shattering apart into a thousand pieces. That was the reason he drank, not because he actually enjoyed it–in fact, Spencer all but detested the taste of beer altogether–but because he needed to. God did he need to.

Yet despite the numbness the beer brought with every sip he took, it didn’t stop the flood of memories that plagued Spencer’s mind, each one involving Chloe.

He remembered when they were kids, wandering throughout the neighbourhood without a care in the world. He remembered how they would talk in hushed whispers at the library or sneak into whatever movie they could manage. He even remembered the moments where they did nothing but sit in comfortable silence beside one another, looking up at the large night sky. Memories that once felt so ordinary now seemed so incredibly precious and important. Through every moment of his life, she was with him, a constant pillar of love and support, helping him wherever things were bad. To Spencer, she wasn’t just his wife; she was his everything. And now that she was gone, he was lost, adrift with no idea how to fix the glaring hole in his world.

“God, Chloe. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?” He muttered aloud as he stared up to the ceiling, praying for some kind of response he knew, no matter how long he waited, just wouldn’t come.

Time quickly passed as he progressively got more and more drunk, staring blankly towards the TV while thinking of his wife. It was only when he finished the last beer in the pack and found himself unable to keep his eyes open any longer that those thoughts finally vanished, giving him some much-needed peace. No longer was his mind filled with thoughts of his late wife and daughter, as the living room soon filled with the sound of his snores. So lost in slumber, he was completely unaware of the impending disaster headed his way, one that was going to change the fate of both himself and his daughter forever.