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Elian Thorne

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Summary

Set in a dark, Victorian-gothic 1892, the story follows Elian Thorne, a twelve-year-old prisoner in the brutal Halgruen Prison. In this "Common Pit," men, women, and children are forced into lethal industrial labor to power the Warden’s mysterious machines. Elian, along with his companions Miriam Sterling and Kaelen Vance, survives by navigating the violence of prison gangs like the Iron Jacks and the terrifying, supernatural Keepers. The narrative shifts when Elian discovers he is "Unbound"—a rare mage capable of channeling ancient magic. During a suicide mission into the prison's boiling pipes, Elian accidentally triggers a magical blast that reveals a hidden world beyond the prison walls. He soon learns that the Warden, Malphas the Hollow, is intentionally creating misery to fuel a ritual that will trigger the Great Unmaking, a world-ending apocalypse. As Elian and his friends grow in power, they are joined by a secret ally: Jaxon "Jax" Reed, an older gang member who hides his kindness behind a mask of cruelty. Together, the group begins a dangerous double life: by day, they are pitiful prisoners performing "tasks" no one else can do; by night, they secretly escape the prison to fight the Warden’s supernatural forces and find a way to stop the coming end of the world. Key Elements: The Setting: A Victorian prison where 19th-century grime meets dark, ancient sorcery. The Magic: Scrappy and dangerous; using prison shivs and scrap metal as makeshift wands. The Stakes: A race against time to stop an apocalypse being orchestrated from within the prison's highest spire. The Villain: A malefic Warden who feeds on human despair.

Genre
Fantasy
Author
FaFaFa
Status
8mo ago
Chapters
6
Rating
5.0 (1 review)
Age Rating
13+

Chapter 1: It's my food, don't touch it

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It's 1892, The heavy iron gates of Halgruen Prison shut with a loud bang. For a boy named Elian Thorne, the world was now just a dark, dirty box.

The prison was a mess. Adults and young kids were all locked up together. Everywhere Elian looked, he saw big men treating the children like slaves. The kids were forced to do dangerous jobs that no child should ever do, like climbing into hot pipes or carrying heavy, sharp metal.

Elian was in bad shape. He hadn't eaten or even had a drop of water in five days. When a Keeper, a scary guard in a leather mask, walked up and handed him a small piece of bread and a cup of water, Elian almost cried. He thought, Maybe life here won't be so bad after all. Even when he was free, he rarely got a meal like this.

But someone was watching him.

A man sat on a wooden chair that looked like a throne. This was Vane Skarren. His face was covered in scary scars. A little girl about Elian's age was kneeling on the floor, cleaning the dirt off Vane's feet. Around him, other kids and teens followed him. Some did it because they were scared of being hurt, but others looked at him like he was a god.

As soon as the guards left, Vane looked at Elian. "Little man," he growled. "Give that food to me."

Elian was starving. He didn't care about being polite or following rules. He looked at the big, scarred man and said, "Old man, you won't get a dime."

Before Vane could move, Elian stuffed the bread into his mouth and chewed as fast as he could, like a hungry dog. He wasn't going to let anyone take the only food he had.

Vane was not happy. He stood up and grabbed Elian’s arm, lifting him high into the air. "Rule number one: never mess with me," he hissed.

Elian was in a lot of pain, but Vane and his gang just laughed. Vane pointed to a woman in his group. "Tell him who I am!"

The woman shouted like she was in a trance, "You are Vane Skarren! The King of the inmates! The leader of the Iron Jacks!"

"The Lord of Death!" another person screamed. They kept praising him like he was a king.

Elian was terrified. Between the hunger, the fast eating, and being shaken in the air, his stomach turned. He ended up vomiting right on Vane’s face.

The room went silent, then everyone started laughing. Vane was furious. He threw Elian onto the hard ground. Elian hit his head and almost passed out.

Vane looked at the people who were laughing. To punish them, he made them all jump up and down while holding their ears. They had to scream, "I will never do it again!" and then slap each other across the face.

The little girl who had been cleaning Vane’s feet ran over to Elian. She knew a lot about healing and medicine. She broke the silence with a scream.

"He is barely awake! Someone do something!" she cried.

But the noise of the prison just got louder, drowning her out. Vane wiped his face and looked down at Elian one last time.

"Don't bother," Vane said coldly. "Just bury him tomorrow before the guards get here."



Let FaFaFa know what you thought about this chapter!
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2

Love this

Funny

1

Funny

Spicy

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Spicy

Suspenseful

1

Suspenseful

Emotional

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Emotional

Profound

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Profound

Heartwarming

1

Heartwarming

Shocking

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Shocking

Good Writing

2

Good Writing

Compelling Plot

1

Compelling Plot

Great Character

1

Great Character

Strong Dialog

1

Strong Dialog

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