What is your opinion?
Intriguing
"The story drew me in from the beginning, but I think that it deserves more. A clearer glimpse at the characters, more setting. A vividness in the way the characters interact will add to the draw. I hope that this author will post more, because I want to know what happens next! Keep writing."
A good start
"The opening is pretty graphic, which is just what you need if you are going for a horror style. It sets the tone well and will keep readers who are interested in this type of story. I think you should try to make the rest of the chapter match that level of interest and intensity. This opening is good in that it gives the reader questions that are left unanswered but with the promise of information later. That said, it is also feels rather sparse. I would suggest expanding and adding some more description. Like I said, match the intensity of the opening lines. Also, I would think about restructuring the chapter grammatically. The way you've written the dialogue (not breaking it into new paragraphs with each new speaker) makes it hard to follow."
A short but promising chapter
"I'll be honest - there's not a huge deal I can gleam from such a short chapter, but I can give you my first impressions that may be helpful to you. I love stories that barrel straight into the plot with very little introduction and that seems to be where you're going with this one. As such, this kind of story would have me interested from the outset. However, I would have to agree with the previous review that it does seem very thin on the ground which doesn't help your execution of this opening. One of the things that writer's often fail to remember is that we have five senses that we use to observe the world around us; if you really want to draw your reader in you must be willing to utilise all of them. What does the crime scene look like? Are there any smells? Can the detective feel a breeze or is the air humid and heavy? All of these things help the reader step into the character's shoes. At the moment you have a plot (or the beginning of a plot rather), now your job as a writer is to bring it to life and once you start doing that, your writing style will naturally improve white dramatically. Technically, there is not a lot wrong with the way you write. My only comment is to be careful about switching who is talking in the same paragraph. By and large, if the character that is speaking changes then you should start a new paragraph - it makes it easier for the reader to follow who is talking at any given time. There is an idea that you should let your reader thing for themselves and let their own imagination input into the story, but when it comes to dialogue you should always try to be straight up and not let your reader work to hard. Otherwise they may lose interest. Hope that helps. It looks promising and I'd be interested to see where you go with it."
