Filtered Moments

Charlotte

Everyone has at least one of those friends in their life that will make questionable decisions and sometimes those decisions leave you questioning their sanity. Well, for me, that friend’s name is Vivian and let me tell you, her latest questionable decision is a doozey.

This woman has signed us up for some unbelievable things in the past and I’ve always gone along for the ride, being the true ride or die friend for her that I know she would be for me…but this?! The latest “adventure of a lifetime”…it’s insane! Pure madness!

“So…don’t hate me…but…I did a thing…” Most people would hear someone say this and think they’re about to have someone confess a once in a lifetime error in judgement…but not Viv…this is a sentence I hear, at minimum, once a week.

“Shit…do I need to bring valium or bail money?” And Viv, that saucy bitch, has the nerve to roll her eyes at me as if that isn’t a valid question when facing one of her plans!

“Neither…or…I don’t know…maybe both? I signed us up for something, you know, kind of on a whim…but in my defense, I didn’t think we’d get accepted!” So, when she says “on a whim”, that’s kind of how she does everything in her life, so it’s not something new, not even close.

“And what, pray tell, have you forced me into this time?” She gives me a sheepish smile, but rather than answer me with words, you know, like a damn responsible adult, she pulls out her phone, unlocks the screen then hands it to me.

Now, I was prepared for some shady shit, but…what…the…actual…fuck?! She signed us up for some reality romance challenge tv show?! This shouldn’t surprise me, it really shouldn’t, but…it totally does! I mean…what the hell?!

“You’re joking…right?” She shakes her head and I watch as her smile is threatening to fall while she waits…hopes…for a more positive reaction from me.

“It’s only for just under three weeks and it’s at a ranch! Like, a real ranch! In Montana! Oh, and all travel expenses are paid for! It’ll be like a vacation where we get to meet hot guys!” Of course, she would fail to acknowledge the fact that this entire “vacation” would be filmed, choreographed and probably even scripted to appeal to the target audience.

“I don’t know…” I really don’t know why I bother…this is where my protest starts and, as expected, she doesn’t even let me finish.

“Please, Letti! Please! You have to go with me!” Her puppy dog eyes and pout are in full effect now…just great.

“I really don’t…” And now she’s holding my hands as she cuts off yet another attempt to shoot her down. We both know this song and dance all too well. We know the outcome and yet still, I have to put up some kind of resistance, right? I can’t give in too easily.

“I swear, if you don’t have fun, I’ll take dish and laundry duty for a whole month!” And now we’re negotiating. See? We have a system.

“Three months.” She does her weird slow blink thing, the one she does when she’s carefully debating on whether or not to agree with something, but I know she’ll agree…she always does.

“Deal!” After making Viv sit down and explain every excruciating detail to me about this damn mess she’s dragging me into, I go to my room and start making a list of everything I need to pack for the flight that leaves in two weeks.

The time has flown by and in what feels like the blink of an eye, the day has come. Working from home doing web design made it pretty easy to get the time off and with Viv’s brother keeping an eye on our apartment while we’re gone, there’s nothing to hold us back…accept my strong desire not to go through with this insane plan of hers.

With our flight leaving at seven in the morning, we left our apartment at three thirty to give us time in case we hit traffic on the way…which we didn’t…meaning I could’ve slept for another hour. After a six hour flight that was filled with a lot of people who proved to be too damn energetic in the early morning for my taste, we finally land and waste no time exiting the plane.

“Montana doesn’t really look much different from Milwaukee.” I roll my eyes at Viv and her tone of sheer disappointment.

“You do realize that this is just the airport…in the middle of a city, right? The ranch isn’t going to look like this. Please tell me you knew that…” That earns me another dramatic eye roll, but I honestly don’t know if she’s even aware of what a ranch actually looks like. For all I know, she probably doesn’t know anything beyond the fact that there are cowboys there.

“Yes, I do know that. I just thought that Montana was supposed to be some lush, green paradise, not…this.” She waves her hands around at the city landscape out the windows with a look that's a fair mixture of disgust and disappointment.

“Again…we’re in the city right now. Ranches aren’t located in the city. Now, where the hell are we supposed to meet the people for this damn show?” She shakes off her disappointment and slaps that damn obnoxious smile back on her face before taking my hand and dragging me to baggage claim.

“They said to meet near the café by baggage claim after we gather our things!” And so, we fetch our bags then head to the little airport café to meet with some guy from the network who'll be transporting us to some random ass ranch in Montana.

When we arrive, the guy is easy enough to spot with his ridiculous suit and sunglasses perched on his severely slicked back hair while three other women stand around him, other contestants I presume.

“Are you two here for the ranch trip?” His question has me arching my brow as I study the other three women who are certainly not dressed for a trip to a ranch…a runway maybe, but certainly not a ranch.

“Yes! I’m Vivian and this is Charlotte. It’s so nice to meet you all and we’re so happy to be here!” I have no doubt they can all see it written all over my face…I’m not happy to be here…not even a little.

“Alright, you were the last two we were waiting for, so we can head out front where the car’s waiting. As I informed these lovely ladies, my name is William and I’ll be handling transporting you all to the ranch and helping get you settled in. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them on the drive there.” He gives a tense smile then leads us out of the airport to passenger pickup. Being that this whole parade of insanity is for a reality tv show, it’s not really a surprise when I see the limo waiting for us, but I can’t help thinking that a limo is far from practical since we’re going to a damn ranch!

“Is it true that there are going to be ten contestants?” One of the women, a leggy blonde thing with big hazel eyes, asks as soon as the car starts pulling away from the airport.

“Yes, well, there will be ten female contestants and ten male contestants, but after the first round, two of each will be eliminated. After that, there will be one elimination per round until only two contestants remain.” Now, as you already know, none of this was my idea. That being said, I have not one damn clue about this stupid show, or what the whole point of it even is.

“Okay, for those of us who were forced to come here by our obscenely and recklessly spontaneous friend, can you tell me what the objective is? Is this like the bachelor where there’s one guy that all ten women will be throwing themselves at, or is this more like speed dating where we all get to try on different guys?” Several of the girls chuckle, but it’s a pretty damn valid question, isn’t it?!

“I’m glad you asked…Charlotte, was it?” I give a stiff nod while he just flashes me a greasy, Hollywood smile. “It’s more like the bachelor meets the amazing race. Once we’re at the ranch and everything’s been situated, you’ll get to meet the ten male contestants and after dinner, all of the contestants will sit down and write the name of their top rated choice from the opposite group. If the man you chose happens to choose you, then you’ll be paired up for the challenges, but if not, the remaining contestants will be paired up randomly.

“All of the challenges will be completed with the contestant you’re paired with and the team with the highest points at the end of each challenge will receive a prize while the two teams with the lowest points will be up for elimination in the first round and every round following, the one team with lowest points will be eliminated. Candice will be explaining things in more detail once you ladies have settled into your cabin.” This…sounds…ridiculous! Well, maybe I can get lucky enough to be knocked out in the first round…or at least I can hope I am.

The rest of the four hour drive to the ranch is filled with the chatter of the girls getting to know each other while I stick to watching the scenery out the window. When we pull onto the dirt road, you can feel the excitement of the others as they’re probably envisioning what kind of wealthy, gorgeous men we’ll be meeting while all I want is a strong cup of coffee and fresh air untainted by the horrendous mixture of overpriced body sprays and overused hair products that have been filling the limo for the last four hours.

“Okay, ladies! The other five women are already in your cabin, so let’s go make the introductions before Candice arrives to go over everything with you!” William leads us away from the car and toward a large log cabin that reminds me more of something you would see at a kid’s summer camp…and as soon as we step inside, that’s pretty much what it is!

“I see the rest of the competition has arrived. Hi, I’m Megan, but you can call me Meg. This is Julia, that’s Janice, the red head over there is Becky and the brunette is Tisha.” Megan, or Meg, may be ‘making introductions’, but her eyes are assessing every damn one of us as if she’s sizing us up and it's…fucking weird.

“Hi, I’m Penny!” The ‘innocent’ looking girl from the limo with the dark blonde pixie cut is the first of our little group to speak up.

“I’m Hannah.” The leggy bottle blonde announces with a tone of complete disinterest.

“I’m Shaylee.” That would be the girl with auburn hair who looks too damn much like a stripper.

“I’m Vivian and this is Charlotte.” I shoot a sharp glare at Vivian, but I’m honestly not too bothered by her introducing us, though I have no intention of making friends with these women, most of whom look to be a bunch of uptight, catty bitches wrapped in Prada and Gucci.

“Alright, Candice is here, so I’ll let her go over the rules and restrictions with you.” I hadn’t even noticed the woman who walked in looking like a damn CEO in her perfectly tailored pant suit...on a ranch! I guess it’s showtime…