What is your opinion?
Great job
"The prologue did it's job perfectly. You surely know to attract your readers’ attention. The instances of Sigmir, Dahling, Qasan and the seven children that you have provided in the excerpt were great. The way the prologue is spun had provided me with huge expectation for the plot. However, it would have been better if the dark plot would have been revealed a little more. I am dying to know who are Qasan, Dahling and Sigmir, what creatures are they what are the seven gifts that were distributed among the seven children. And most importantly what plans do they hold for America. The names chosen for your characters seems to be strangely mysterious. They are perfect for the dark plot you are plotting. Please, don't make your readers wait too long."
Please keep writing this!
"I definitely want to know what's going to happen next! The prologue is very intriguing, and it leaves a lot of mystery. I liked the way that you portrayed the characters, and I want to know more about who they are...and WHAT they are. The feel of it was very dark and brooding, and I really love that in a story. I think that a little more description and explanation would intensify the mood and give it more depth, but that's your call, depending on what you want -- or don't want -- to reveal. Well done! I hope that you add to this, because I would certainly read more. :)"
Intriguing Idea
"I really like the idea you have going on here. You have my attention and as a reader, I'm curious to know what's going to happen to the seven girls next and what sort of spiritual power has been given to them. I agree with a previous reviewer in regards to adding more details about the story's setting. To add to this, I would also suggest adding more concrete details about the characters in the scene. I had a little bit of a hard time following the dialogue and keeping track of who is who. Adding something concrete about the characters - such as what they look like, what they're wearing, etc. - can help bring your readers more into the scene and connect to your characters. Good job overall though! I strongly encourage you to keep going with this story!"
Solid Foundation
"Well done. I really like what you've setup here. Modern day urban fantasy in the making. A few ideas. Give us some more concrete details that we can attach to that will help make the fantastical set better in an understandable world. For instance, I wanted to know what city, what country, or even what block they were on. What was the layout of the apartment? Was the place in disarray, abandoned or well kept and polished with antique furniture. These finer points will tell us more of our villain. Lastly, I get the feeling this evil has marked the children in a such a way he has become their spiritual father and in a way lives within them. This could a really interesting concept to explore. Lastly, I'm wondering if this is based in a true myth or one you've created. The question is probably testament to how well crafted your concept is so far. All in all, well done."
