Chapter 1
He felt himself being shoved down, elbows scraping the dirt as his breath caught in his lungs. Darkness clung around him like a cloak. He breathed—once, twice. Voices snarled around him, panting. He heard one cackle, then another. The hairs on his arms prickled.
No. No, please. Leave me alone.
“Hold him. Make him suffer.” A scream escaped his lips as he writhed, as searing pain lanced his sides. A boot collided with the side of his head, the echoes of laughter ringing together with the thrumming of his heartbeat. Everything blurred. Lights flashed. Tangled webs of pain shot through every nerve.
“Pathetic—you’re a coward,” another voice said. Deeper, sharper. Cruel. Boots crunched on the gravel as they circled him. Their cackles grew louder, distorted.
Breathe, sweetheart. Just breathe. A softer voice, almost angelic. He turned to it. Pain bloomed in his side as he was kicked again. His chest burned.
Please. Help me—
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Detrich Mackenzie jolted awake with a gasp. He stared at the wall of his dorm, groaning softly and rolled to his back. With a heavy sigh, he turned off the blaring alarm clock that had been his wake-up call. He glared at the ceiling, his eyes burning, and exhaled. Even in his dreams he was being tormented. It was one thing when he was awake but sleeping… Sleeping should be his sanctuary.
The sound of the mini refrigerator starting up made him jump. Everything was so noisy in this dormitory. It was enough to make him go insane. It only made it worse because he lived alone. He was used to it, though. Nobody could hurt you if you were alone.
His bladder began to scream, wanting to be relieved of its liquid load. Detrich slowly crawled down from his loft bed, his body tensing from its long night of retaliated tossing and turning. He stretched as he stood, his neck and back snapping as he did so.
He grabbed his toiletries and headed out in the hallway to go to the bathroom. When he was done, he flushed the toilet and went to the sink. Green eyes stared back at him as he continued the routine of washing his hands. Sandy blonde hair stuck up in random places. He had definitely slept hard. A large yawn revealed glimmering white teeth, though they didn’t feel that way because Detrich had terrible morning breath. His complexion was tan from being out in the sun a lot, the result of which left hardly any acne on his pretty face. It also came from washing his face every day and keeping clean.
By all means, Detrich was handsome, but around here that didn’t matter. He was greatly alone in this world. Detrich had expected things to be the same at Eastbridge University as nearly anywhere else he’d been. But somehow, he’d grossly overestimated the tolerance levels of several of his fellow alumni, and he’d become a social pariah because he didn’t hide his sexuality. Detrich was certain there were other gay men at the university, but the culture there prevented anyone from being able to be open about it.
But Detrich wasn’t going to hide himself away, even after the wrong people found out, and he’d become the target of massive amounts of abuse. Being gay was who he was, and though he hated every single part of himself for it, Detrich couldn’t change that.
His parents knew and had encouraged it when he came out to them at thirteen. They let him be, believing that he would be able to go out into the world and find and cherish whatever life threw at him. That their son would find happiness and light in whomever he so chose.
They divorced a year after they found out.
Instead, all Detrich found was darkness and despair. He never told them the full extent of the mistreatment he was receiving after he’d left for university, but they blamed themselves for not telling him the world was full of bigots and those who despised what their son was.
Detrich puckered his lips, scowling at his silly expression. He hated himself for what he was. He wanted to be like the other guys; playing college football and bringing the team to state. He wanted to be with a girl. He didn’t want to be what he was.
Detrich checked himself over as he left his dorm to get a bite to eat at the cafeteria. He was wearing a crisp, clean hooded sweater with the university’s emblem on the front. Faded blue jeans blended with the sweater, leading to a nice pair of green and white Converse. He grabbed his car keys and headed out the door. His original mind set was that he would take a quick drive after breakfast. Maybe he would do a bit of shopping, too. He needed a few snacks in his dorm anyway.
Breakfast was the usual; a large buffet chock full of everything under the sun. Fruits, vegetables, assorted breads and rolls, meats... Detrich loaded his plate with the delicious food and headed for the table he always sat at. He got plenty of stares and jeers as he walked, but he did his best to ignore the majority of them. He was nearly tripped, but managed to keep his balance and sat at his table.
He ate quickly, enjoying the meal as best he could as people stared, pointed, and laughed at him. The scrambled eggs were a bit salty today, but he dipped them in ketchup without a qualm and stuffed a fork full of eggs, hashed browns, and applesauce into his mouth.
When he had finished, he stood and threw his plate in the trash. He ducked a flying chocolate milk carton and left the building. He pulled up his hood, as even though the weather was unseasonably warm, it had started to rain, and made the long trek out to his Ford Mustang. Detrich pulled out his car keys, his thumb on the unlock button.
He gasped as he approached his car. Someone had egged and spray painted it. Across the driver’s side screamed “Go home, Homo!”, and along the windshield “FAGGOT!” blazed orange. He also noticed that the front wheel on the driver’s side was flat, and he prayed that whoever had done this had only let the air out.
Anger rushed through his body as he turned on his heel and made his way back to his dorm for towels and a bucket of soapy water. The flat would be easy enough to fix if all he needed was a cap, and if not, well… He hated when this happened, but it had been a month since anybody had egged his car that he forgot to go to his car prepared. He beat himself up for this neglectful behavior now. He would have to take a shopping trip a different day, because it would take a while to get all the egg and paint off, even with the rain helping him slightly.
The rain actually seemed to be mocking him. It was only a light drizzle, not enough to streak away all the paint and goo. The clouds made the air colder and he knew if he didn’t clean his car today, the egg goo would freeze and ruin the paint. Another sigh escaped his lips as he climbed the stairs to his dorm two at a time. He really hated everything around him at the moment.
He hated everything. That plant at the end of the hallway; his shoes; his sweater; his car; the entire university. He hated being the way he was.
Something fell off the wall and broke as Detrich slammed the door of his dorm room. He would pick it up later, of course, but right now he was fuming. He yanked a bucket out of the closet that was meant for a roommate and trudged to the shared floor kitchenette to fill it with water. Detrich threw the bucket under the tap and turned it on full blast. He squirted some soap into it and let it fill. As it did so, he went back to his dorm and pulled out a couple of old towels from the closet, tucking them securely under his arm after removing his sweatshirt.
A soft knock at his door interrupted him. Growling, he stalked to the door and flung it open…
