Chapter 1“Welcome to the Wrong Department”
The city of Saint Velya was frozen in a permanent state of grey winter. Snow fell like it had nowhere else to be. Buildings leaned slightly, as if even architecture was tired of bureaucracy.
Inside one of those buildings sat a small metal sign:
MINISTRY OF MINOR MISFORTUNES – DEPARTMENT 9B
No one really knew what “9B” meant. Even Irina didn’t.
Ivan’s Arrival
Ivan Petrovich Morozov stood outside the office holding a cardboard box.
Inside the box:
One broken pen
One resignation letter from his last job
And a small cactus he had somehow failed to kill
He read the sign again.
“Minor misfortunes… how bad can it be?”
The door opened before he could decide not to enter.
A woman stared at him like she had already predicted his entire downfall.
Anya Sokolova.
“You’re late,” she said.
“I’m not scheduled until—”
“You’re late for existing in this building,” she interrupted.
Behind her, a printer screamed and died spiritually.
The Office of Controlled Chaos
Inside, the bureau was not what Ivan expected.
There were desks… technically. There were computers… emotionally. And there were people who looked like they had accepted fate years ago.
At the far end, a man in a uniform stood too straight.
Dmitri Volkov.
Security officer. Professional overthinker.
He looked at Ivan.
“I don’t trust you,” Dmitri said immediately.
“I just arrived.”
“That makes it worse.”
Near the water cooler, a young man was feeding biscuits to a stapler.
Nikolai “Kolya” Baranov.
He waved happily. “Welcome! Don’t touch anything important. Or anything unimportant. Actually just don’t touch things.”
Boss Entry: Irina Lazareva
The lights flickered.
Everyone instantly sat down like schoolchildren pretending they weren’t just chaos gremlins.
A woman walked in wearing a perfectly ironed coat and the expression of someone who had survived disasters emotionally but not legally.
Irina Lazareva.
“Our newest employee,” she said calmly.
Ivan straightened. “Yes, I’m—”
“You are now responsible for File Section 7,” she continued.
Anya whispered: “That’s where documents go to disappear.”
Irina smiled slightly.
“Exactly.”
The First Task
Ivan was given a stack of papers labeled:
“MINOR WEATHER ADJUSTMENTS – DAILY APPROVALS”
He blinked. “I just sign these?”
Dmitri leaned in. “Don’t sign anything.”
Kolya leaned in from the other side. “Sign everything.”
Anya sighed. “Whatever you do, we will suffer for it.”
Ivan hesitated.
Then stamped the first document.
A loud CLACK echoed through the building.
Silence.
Then—
The window outside changed color.
Snow stopped.
The sky turned slightly green.
The Mistake
Anya slowly turned her head.
“What did you just approve?”
Ivan checked the paper.
“It said… ‘small weather adjustment request.’”
Dmitri grabbed it.
“No,” he whispered. “You didn’t read the sub-clause.”
Kolya leaned over excitedly. “There’s always a sub-clause!”
Irina walked in.
She looked outside.
Then back at Ivan.
“…Did you just approve a Category-3 atmospheric revision?”
Ivan blinked. “Is that bad?”
Outside, winter disappeared.
A warm breeze entered Saint Velya for the first time in 47 years.
Somewhere, a statue melted slightly.
City Panic Begins
Phones started ringing.
The entire bureau erupted.
Dmitri ran in circles shouting, “WE DON’T HAVE AUTHORIZATION FOR SUMMER!”
Anya tried rebooting the weather system by hitting the keyboard harder.
Kolya opened a window and shouted, “GUYS, IT SMELLS LIKE FREEDOM!”
Irina calmly took a sip of tea.
Then said:
“Close the city.”
Ivan froze. “Can we do that?”
Irina stared at him.
“We are going to find out.”
Ending Chaos
Outside, citizens began celebrating, confused but happy.
Inside, the bureau prepared paperwork to undo reality.
Ivan slowly realized something terrible:
He had not been hired for a job.
He had been hired for a mistake containment zone.
Dmitri walked past him.
“If the sun rises tomorrow,” he said, “I’m arresting you.”
Anya added:
“If it doesn’t rise, I’m also arresting you.”
Kolya smiled.
“This is the best day we’ve had in months.”
Irina’s voice echoed from the back room:
“Welcome to Saint Velya, Mr. Morozov. Please try not to improve anything else.”
END OF EPISODE 1
Episode 2: “The Case of the Missing Winter”
Saint Velya woke up confused.
Not slightly confused.
Not “forgot where I put my keys” confused.
It was the kind of confusion where the sky itself looked around and said: “Where did my snow go?”
The streets were dry.
The air was warm.
A child outside was laughing in disbelief while holding a snowman’s apology note.
Inside the Misfortune Bureau
Anya Sokolova stared at the weather monitor.
“This is impossible,” she muttered.
Dmitri Volkov stood behind her like a legal warning.
“It is sabotage,” he declared.
“It is incompetence,” Anya corrected.
“It is Ivan,” Kolya added happily from the table.
Ivan Petrovich Morozov sighed.
“I didn’t do anything today.”
Everyone turned slowly.
“That’s worse,” Anya said.
Irina’s Announcement
Irina Lazareva entered the office carrying a file thicker than common sense.
“Winter is missing,” she said calmly.
Dmitri immediately stood. “I will arrest it.”
Anya didn’t look up. “You can’t arrest a season.”
Dmitri paused.
“I will find whoever hid it.”
Irina placed the file on Ivan’s desk.
“You signed something yesterday.”
Ivan blinked. “I signed many things.”
“That is the problem.”
The Discovery
Anya pulled up the system logs.
A single entry flashed on screen:
REQUEST APPROVED: TEMPORARY SEASON ADJUSTMENT – WINTER STORAGE (ID: IV-009)
Ivan leaned closer. “Storage?”
Kolya gasped. “YOU PUT WINTER IN STORAGE?! THAT’S SO ORGANIZED!”
Anya slowly turned.
“That’s not organized. That’s illegal.”
Dmitri grabbed his coat.
“Where is storage?”
Irina answered without emotion:
“Basement 3. Behind the locked door labeled ‘Do Not Open Unless Reality Is Stable.’”
Silence.
Nobody moved.
Then Kolya raised his hand.
“So… we open it?”
Basement 3
The basement smelled like old paper and bad decisions.
A heavy steel door stood at the end of a corridor.
Dmitri checked his weapon.
Anya checked her patience.
Kolya checked the door handle immediately.
“I found winter!” he said.
“Don’t—” Anya started.
Too late.
The door opened.
A cold wind exploded outward like it had been waiting for revenge.
The Storage Room of Seasons
Inside was impossible.
Shelves stretched endlessly.
Each one contained weather:
jars of rainstorms
crates of fog
sealed boxes labeled “Tuesday Thunder”
and in the center…
A glowing glass cube marked:
WINTER – HANDLE WITH AUTHORITY
Ivan stared.
“I think I broke reality.”
Dmitri nodded. “Yes.”
Anya crossed her arms. “You definitely did.”
Kolya waved at a floating snowflake. “Hello, seasonal content!”
Accidental Release
Ivan stepped forward carefully.
“I can fix this.”
Anya shouted, “DON’T TOUCH—”
Too late again.
Ivan touched the cube.
A sound like the universe sneezing filled the room.
Cold exploded outward.
Snow fell upward first, then realized its mistake and corrected itself.
Winter returned.
Violently.
City Freeze Incident
Outside Saint Velya, everything snapped back to ice instantly.
Cars froze mid-air motion.
A man yelling at a pigeon froze mid-yell.
A bakery turned into a perfectly preserved bread museum.
Inside the bureau:
Dmitri was stuck halfway into a heroic pose.
Anya was frozen in disappointment.
Kolya was smiling permanently.
Ivan was the only one still moving.
He whispered:
“…I made it worse again.”
Irina’s Response
From the top floor, Irina watched the chaos through the window.
She took a sip of tea.
Then pressed a button labeled:
“STANDARD REALITY REBOOT (OPTIONAL)”
The building shook.
Time stuttered.
Everything reset—but imperfectly.
Aftermath
The next morning:
Winter was back, but slightly angry
Dmitri refused to speak in full sentences
Anya installed a “Do Not Let Ivan Touch Things” firewall
Kolya started selling “authentic weather fragments” as souvenirs
Ivan sat at his desk.
A new file arrived:
“URGENT: PIGEON BEHAVIORAL UPRISING REPORT”
He stared at it.
“Do I… have to sign this?”
Anya answered without looking:
“If you don’t, something worse will.”
Ending Scene
Outside the window, a single pigeon stared directly at Ivan.
It tilted its head.
As if judging him.
Then it flew away… carrying an official-looking stamp in its beak.
Dmitri slowly said:
“I don’t trust birds anymore.”
Kolya whispered:
“I think they’re unionizing.”
Irina’s voice came through the intercom:
“Morozov… try not to fix anything tomorrow.”
Ivan replied softly:
“I wasn’t planning to.”
A pause.
Then the printer screamed again.
END OF EPISODE 2
Episode 3: “Pigeon Emergency Protocol”
Saint Velya had survived many disasters.
Missing winter
Accidental summer
A bureaucratic reality reset
And Ivan Morozov’s existence in general
But nothing… absolutely nothing… prepared the city for organized pigeons.
The Incident Begins
It started at 09:14 AM.
A single pigeon landed on the Misfortune Bureau window.
At 09:15 AM, it tapped the glass three times.
At 09:16 AM, it was holding a tiny piece of paper.
Anya Sokolova narrowed her eyes.
“That pigeon is carrying official documentation.”
Dmitri Volkov immediately stood up.
“That is illegal behavior.”
Kolya Baranov leaned forward excitedly.
“I think it’s promoting itself.”
Ivan Morozov slowly said:
“Why is it wearing a badge?”
The pigeon was, in fact, wearing a miniature metal badge that read:
“CITY ADMINISTRATION – EXTERNAL AUDIT DIVISION”
Silence fell.
Then the pigeon nodded once.
Pigeon Takeover
Within one hour:
Pigeons occupied the central square
Birds began standing in formation like committees
One pigeon was seen conducting a “meeting” on a statue
Another pigeon issued fines for “improper bread distribution”
Dmitri looked outside.
“This is an invasion.”
Anya corrected him:
“This is bureaucracy… but worse.”
Kolya whispered:
“They have better organization than us.”
Irina Lazareva arrived calmly, holding coffee.
She looked outside.
Then said:
“…Why is the city being audited by birds?”
No one answered.
The First Contact
A pigeon landed on Ivan’s desk.
It placed a document in front of him.
The paper read:
NOTICE OF HUMAN ADMINISTRATIVE REVIEW
Ivan blinked.
“I think they’re inspecting us.”
Anya leaned in.
“They’re rating us.”
Dmitri grabbed the paper.
“I will arrest the leadership.”
The pigeon stared at him.
Dmitri stopped talking mid-sentence.
“I… will request permission to arrest the leadership.”
The pigeon nodded.
Negotiation Attempt
Irina organized an emergency meeting.
Participants:
Human staff of Bureau
17 pigeons (official representatives)
Kolya placed breadcrumbs in the center of the table.
“That’s diplomacy,” he whispered proudly.
The lead pigeon stepped forward.
Anya translated it immediately:
“It says our bureaucracy is ‘emotionally unstable and structurally inefficient.’”
Ivan whispered:
“That feels personal.”
The pigeon continued.
Anya translated again:
“They are offering guidance… in exchange for control of minor city operations.”
Dmitri stood up.
“Never.”
A pigeon dropped a stamped refusal form on his head.
Pigeon Government Proposal
The pigeons presented a full plan:
Faster paperwork
Zero emotional delays
No coffee dependency
Decisions made in under 3 wing flaps
Kolya raised his hand.
“This is actually kind of impressive.”
Anya replied:
“It’s terrifying.”
Ivan looked at the document.
“If we refuse… what happens?”
The pigeons all turned toward the window.
Outside, the sky darkened slightly.
A formation of pigeons flew in perfect synchronized circles.
Irina sighed.
“They’re demonstrating consequences.”
The Collapse of Authority
Dmitri attempted a tactical response.
He shouted:
“I DECLARE THIS ILLEGAL!”
A pigeon immediately stamped his forehead with a red seal reading:
“DENIED”
He sat down quietly.
Anya rubbed her temples.
“I hate birds.”
Kolya corrected her:
“You hate efficient governance.”
Ivan stood up slowly.
“I think… I might have caused this too.”
Everyone stared at him.
He pointed at the original document.
“It says I approved ‘external administrative efficiency review’ yesterday…”
Silence.
Anya whispered:
“You signed the pigeons into government oversight.”
Irina’s Final Decision
Irina walked to the window.
She looked at the pigeon council.
Then back at her staff.
“We have two choices,” she said.
Dmitri: “Arrest them.”
Anya: “Run.”
Kolya: “Join them.”
Ivan: “…apologize?”
Irina nodded slightly.
“That last one.”
The Apology Incident
Ivan stepped outside holding a stamped apology form.
He bowed slightly.
“I am sorry for… mismanaging reality.”
The lead pigeon stared.
Then slowly accepted the document.
It stamped it.
Then flew away.
All pigeons followed instantly.
Within minutes, the square was empty.
Aftermath
Normal city life returned.
Too normal.
Papers were now perfectly organized
Traffic flowed with suspicious efficiency
Government forms arrived before being requested
Dmitri looked around.
“This feels worse.”
Anya nodded.
“I agree.”
Kolya smiled nervously.
“I think we’re being audited permanently.”
Ivan checked his desk.
A new file appeared:
“NEXT REVIEW: HUMAN EMOTIONAL STABILITY REPORT”
He closed his eyes.
“I think they’re coming back.”
Irina, from her office, calmly said:
“Of course they are.”
Pause.
“…We failed the first inspection.”
Final Scene
Outside the window, a single pigeon watched.
It was not chaotic.
It was not angry.
It was taking notes.
Then it flew away.
Leaving behind a stamped warning:
“IMPROVEMENT REQUIRED.”
END OF EPISODE 3
Episode 4: “The Bureaucratic Time Loop”
Saint Velya woke up.
Again.
But not like a normal morning.
It woke up like a sentence repeating itself in a government document no one could stop signing.
08:59 AM — The First Sign
Ivan Petrovich Morozov walked into the Misfortune Bureau holding a file titled:
“Routine Monday Operations”
Anya Sokolova looked up.
“You’re late.”
Ivan blinked. “I just arrived.”
Dmitri Volkov stepped in behind him.
“No,” Dmitri said slowly, “you arrived… yesterday.”
Kolya Baranov waved cheerfully.
“Welcome back to Monday!”
Ivan froze.
“It’s Tuesday.”
Anya didn’t even look at the calendar.
“It was Tuesday.”
The Impossible Reset
The wall clock suddenly clicked backward.
09:00 AM.
Then again.
09:00 AM.
Then again.
Ivan stepped back.
“…Did time just restart?”
Anya opened her system monitor.
The screen flickered:
MONDAY // MONDAY // MONDAY // MONDAY
Dmitri whispered:
“This is administrative hell.”
Kolya smiled.
“It’s consistent though.”
That made it worse.
The Source of the Loop
The team rushed to the basement server room.
The Reality Regulation Machine was flashing red stamps:
ERROR: TIME FILE OVERWRITTEN BY UNAUTHORIZED SIGNATURE
Ivan slowly raised his hand.
“I think that might be me.”
Anya stared at him.
“Of course it is.”
Dmitri sighed.
“You stamped time again.”
Ivan tried to remember.
“I signed a form labeled ‘efficiency improvement for weekly operations.’”
Kolya clapped.
“That sounds harmless!”
Anya snapped:
“It’s never harmless with him.”
Loop Cycle Begins
Suddenly—
RESET
09:00 AM.
Ivan was back at the entrance.
Anya looked up.
“You’re late.”
Ivan panicked.
“I was already here!”
Dmitri narrowed his eyes.
“That’s what you said last cycle.”
Kolya waved.
“Welcome back to Monday!”
Ivan whispered:
“This already happened…”
Anya replied:
“Yes. It will happen again.”
Cycle 2 — Escalation
Dmitri arrests the office coffee machine for “temporal suspicion”
Anya starts writing reports before events happen
Kolya begins predicting conversations before they start
Ivan tries not to exist, but still gets assigned tasks
Each loop becomes slightly worse.
Reality stops correcting itself properly.
The building starts remembering mistakes.
Cycle 3 — Breakdown
Ivan enters the office again.
Anya doesn’t greet him.
She just says:
“You’re late.”
Ivan: “I haven’t left.”
Dmitri: “You always say that.”
Kolya: “And you always arrive.”
Ivan screams internally.
The lights flicker.
Paper starts printing itself.
The printer whispers:
MONDAY IS PERMANENT
Kolya’s Realization
Kolya suddenly stands up.
“I get it!”
Everyone turns.
“It’s not the day repeating,” he says.
“It’s our paperwork forcing reality to restart.”
Silence.
Anya: “That makes no sense.”
Kolya: “Nothing here does.”
Ivan whispers:
“…I think I caused paperwork time travel.”
Dmitri:
“Yes.”
The Core Document
In the server core, they find it:
A glowing form titled:
FORM 00-TL: TEMPORAL LOOP AUTHORIZATION
Signed by:
Ivan Petrovich Morozov
Ivan stares at it.
“I didn’t read it…”
Anya replies coldly:
“You never do.”
Dmitri adds:
“You just sign reality like it’s optional.”
The Fix Attempt
They gather around the machine.
Three options appear:
Cancel Loop
Continue Monday Forever (Recommended by System)
Promote Loop to Official Government Structure
Kolya: “Number 3 sounds ambitious.”
Anya: “No.”
Dmitri: “No.”
Irina (quietly entering): “Absolutely not.”
All eyes turn to Ivan.
The Decision
Ivan steps forward.
“If I undo this… what happens?”
Silence.
Anya: “We don’t know.”
Dmitri: “Something worse probably.”
Kolya: “Or something interesting!”
Irina: “That is the same risk.”
Ivan exhales.
Then presses:
CANCEL LOOP
Collapse of Time
A loud mechanical stamp echoes through reality.
CLACK.
The building shakes.
MONDAY → MONDAY → TUESDAY → ERROR → STABLE TIMEFLOW RESTORED
Silence.
Then everything stops.
Aftermath
Ivan opens his eyes.
It is Wednesday.
Real Wednesday.
Not bureaucratic Wednesday.
Anya stares at the calendar.
“…It worked.”
Dmitri looks confused.
“I don’t trust non-repeating time.”
Kolya smiles.
“I kind of miss predictable Mondays.”
Ivan sits down.
“…I think I broke the concept of time.”
Irina responds calmly:
“Yes. Please don’t do that again.”
Final Scene
On Ivan’s desk appears a sticky note:
“TEMPORAL AUDIT PENDING.”
He sighs.
Anya: “What now?”
Dmitri: “I quit time.”
Kolya: “Do we get another loop?”
Irina closes a file.
“No.”
Pause.
“…The pigeons requested one.”
Ivan closes his eyes.
“Of course they did.”
END OF EPISODE 4
Episode 5: “The Great Coffee Collapse”
Saint Velya had survived broken winter, rogue pigeons, and a time loop that legally shouldn’t exist.
But nothing in the city prepared it for the collapse of the one thing holding reality together:
coffee.
Morning Without Coffee
At 08:59 AM, everything was normal.
At 09:00 AM, Anya Sokolova pressed the coffee machine button.
Nothing happened.
She pressed it again.
Still nothing.
She stared at it like it had personally insulted her family.
“This is not a machine,” she said slowly. “This is a betrayal.”
Dmitri Volkov walked in.
“I feel something is wrong.”
Kolya Baranov sniffed the air.
“It’s… empty.”
Ivan Morozov blinked.
“What do you mean empty?”
Anya turned toward him with deadly calm.
“There is no coffee in the building.”
A long silence followed.
Then Dmitri whispered:
“…Evacuate.”
The Office Panic Begins
Without coffee, the Misfortune Bureau collapsed instantly:
Dmitri forgot how to stand correctly
Files started organizing themselves incorrectly
The printer refused to print anything emotionally stable
Kolya started speaking in incomplete sentences
Ivan became 40% more responsible (dangerously unstable level)
Irina Lazareva arrived, took one look, and said:
“…We have lost control of caffeine dependency.”
Anya pointed at Ivan.
“He signed something again, didn’t he?”
Ivan hesitated.
“I may have approved a ‘cost reduction initiative for unnecessary beverages.’”
Everyone slowly turned toward him.
The Coffee Vault Discovery
An emergency investigation revealed:
All coffee supplies had been moved to:
“BUREAUCRATIC STORAGE VAULT – LEVEL 4: EMOTIONAL RESOURCES”
Dmitri grabbed his coat.
“I will retrieve it.”
Anya followed.
“I will correct him.”
Kolya joined.
“I will support emotionally.”
Ivan whispered.
“I think I should stay behind.”
They all said in unison:
“No.”
Level 4: Emotional Resources
The vault was strange.
Inside were labeled shelves:
“Motivation (Limited)”
“Monday Energy (Unused)”
“Hope – Do Not Misfile”
And in the center…
A glowing container:
COFFEE SUPPLY – STATE PROPERTY
But it was locked behind a biometric scanner.
Anya sighed.
“It needs authorization.”
Dmitri looked at Ivan.
“Of course it does.”
The Authorization Problem
Ivan stepped forward.
“I can fix this.”
Anya immediately replied:
“No.”
Too late.
Ivan touched the scanner.
It flashed red.
Then displayed:
ACCESS DENIED: COFFEE RIGHTS REVOKED
A siren went off.
Somewhere in the building, someone screamed emotionally.
Kolya whispered:
“…We’ve upset the coffee.”
The Rise of Coffee Dependency Crisis
Without coffee access:
Dmitri started narrating everything in legal terms
Anya began malfunctioning at human interaction
Kolya tried to negotiate with a vending machine
Ivan started apologizing to inanimate objects
Irina entered the vault.
She looked at the situation.
Then said calmly:
“This is worse than pigeons.”
The Coffee Negotiation
Strangely, the coffee system activated an AI interface.
A glowing screen appeared:
“STATE COFFEE AUTHORITY: REQUEST PURPOSE?”
Anya answered instantly:
“Survival.”
Dmitri:
“Operational stability.”
Kolya:
“Happiness.”
All eyes turned to Ivan.
He paused.
“…Regret prevention?”
The machine thought for a moment.
Then replied:
“INSUFFICIENT JUSTIFICATION.”
The Emotional Breakdown Event
Without coffee authorization, reality in the bureau began destabilizing:
Papers refused to stay still
Chairs started judging people silently
The printer printed emotional complaints
Time slowed slightly out of disappointment
Anya grabbed Ivan.
“Fix this now.”
Ivan looked panicked.
“I don’t know how!”
Kolya suddenly shouted:
“I DO!”
Everyone turned.
Kolya pointed at the system.
“It wants emotional honesty!”
Dmitri: “That’s illegal.”
Irina: “Try it anyway.”
The Confession Protocol
Each staff member had to confess their real reason for needing coffee:
Dmitri: “To avoid thinking about my life decisions.”
Anya: “To tolerate Ivan.”
Kolya: “To feel like time moves forward.”
Irina: “To maintain illusion of control.”
All eyes turned to Ivan.
He swallowed.
“…Because I keep breaking reality without meaning to.”
Silence.
The machine processed.
Then:
ACCESS GRANTED
Coffee Restoration
The vault opened.
Light spilled out like salvation.
Coffee returned to Saint Velya.
Instantly:
Dmitri regained posture
Anya became 60% less dangerous
Kolya became fully functional again
Papers stopped crying
Reality stabilized (barely)
Ivan sighed.
“I think we fixed it.”
Anya looked at him.
“You caused it.”
Ivan nodded.
“Yes.”
Dmitri added:
“I will not arrest you… because I need coffee.”
Final Scene
Back at the office, everything was normal again.
Too normal.
Anya sipped coffee.
“This is temporary peace.”
Kolya smiled.
“So… next disaster?”
Dmitri stared at Ivan.
“It’s already coming.”
Irina closed a new file:
“NEXT ISSUE: HUMAN EMOTIONAL AUDIT INITIATED”
Ivan whispered:
“What does that mean?”
Irina replied calmly:
“It means… they are checking if we are still functional as people.”
A pause.
Outside, the coffee machine made a suspicious sound.
END OF EPISODE 5
Episode 6 (Final): “The Audit of Doom”
Saint Velya had survived everything:
Missing winter
Rogue pigeons
Time looping Mondays
A coffee apocalypse
But what arrived this morning was different.
It wasn’t chaos.
It was order.
And in Saint Velya, order was always dangerous.
The Arrival
At 08:00 AM sharp, a black official car stopped outside the Misfortune Bureau.
No music. No sound. No personality.
A man stepped out wearing a perfectly straight coat, carrying a single folder.
His nameplate read:
Inspector Viktor Semyonov – Federal Reality Compliance Division
Inside the bureau, Dmitri Volkov immediately stood up.
“I don’t like his posture.”
Anya Sokolova didn’t look up.
“I don’t like his existence.”
Kolya Baranov whispered:
“He looks like paperwork became human.”
Ivan Morozov quietly said:
“I think we’re in trouble.”
Irina Lazareva closed her eyes for one second.
“…Yes.”
The Audit Begins
Inspector Semyonov entered the building.
He did not greet anyone.
He placed the folder on the desk.
“I am here to evaluate the Misfortune Bureau of Saint Velya for operational termination.”
Silence.
Even the printer stopped breathing.
Dmitri stepped forward.
“We are fully compliant.”
Semyonov stared at him.
“You arrested a coffee machine last month.”
Dmitri paused.
“…It was suspicious.”
Semyonov wrote something.
The Evaluation Criteria
He began reading from his checklist:
Reality stability: FAILED
Administrative logic: UNKNOWN SPECIES DETECTED
Emotional consistency: ILLEGAL VARIANCE
Coffee dependency: EXTREME RISK LEVEL
Pigeon government involvement: CONFIRMED
Time loop contamination: DOCUMENTED
He closed the folder.
“This office should not exist.”
Anya muttered:
“For once, I agree with government paperwork.”
The Shutdown Order
Semyonov pulled out a stamp.
A large one.
A final stamp.
“TERMINATION APPROVED”
Kolya raised his hand.
“Can we appeal emotionally?”
Semyonov didn’t answer.
He just raised the stamp.
Ivan stepped forward.
“Wait.”
Everyone turned.
Even Semyonov.
Ivan swallowed.
“I know we are… not normal.”
A pause.
“But we fix things.”
Anya whispered:
“We also break them.”
Ivan nodded.
“Accidentally.”
He looked at the inspector.
“But if you shut us down… who handles Saint Velya’s misfortunes?”
Semyonov replied coldly:
“There will be no more misfortunes.”
A silence fell.
Then Dmitri said:
“That sounds worse.”
The Crisis Trigger
Suddenly—
The building shook.
The reality systems flickered.
Papers flew.
A distant pigeon cried emotionally.
Anya gasped.
“The system is collapsing without us!”
Kolya shouted:
“We are the balancing error!”
Irina slowly looked at Semyonov.
“If you delete us… you delete the containment layer.”
Semyonov paused.
“…Explain.”
The Truth of Saint Velya
Irina opened a hidden file.
Inside were records:
Winter containment
Time stabilization
Emotional bureaucracy control
Pigeon administrative agreement
Coffee dependency regulation
She said quietly:
“This office doesn’t manage misfortunes.”
“It absorbs them.”
Everyone went silent.
Even Semyonov.
Ivan whispered:
“So we’re… a sponge?”
Anya nodded.
“A very broken sponge.”
The Decision
Semyonov reviewed the data.
For the first time… he hesitated.
“If this is true…”
Dmitri cut in:
“It is unfortunately true.”
Kolya smiled.
“And we are the only ones stupid enough to survive it.”
Semyonov closed his eyes.
Then slowly lowered the stamp.
“…Temporary continuation authorized.”
Everyone froze.
Anya whispered:
“Did we just survive… logic?”
Aftermath of the Audit
Semyonov left without another word.
No warning.
No explanation.
Just a revised document:
STATUS: REQUIRED BUT UNSTABLE
Final Moments
Inside the bureau, silence returned.
Then:
Dmitri sat down.
“I feel insulted.”
Anya sipped coffee.
“We’re still alive.”
Kolya grinned.
“That means more chaos!”
Ivan looked at the ceiling.
“I think we’re stuck here forever.”
Irina replied calmly:
“Of course we are.”
A pause.
Then she added:
“And tomorrow… pigeons requested a follow-up inspection.”
Everyone froze again.
Ivan whispered:
“…Of course they did.”
Final Scene
Outside, Saint Velya looked peaceful.
Too peaceful.
A single pigeon landed on the bureau sign.
It placed a stamp on it.
Then flew away.
The stamp read:
“UNDER OBSERVATION – INDEFINITELY”
Inside, the printer quietly started again.
No one stopped it.
END OF SERIES: “THE MISFORTUNE BUREAU OF SAINT VELYA”
