Velvet Knives

I always dreamt of being drowned to death.

Perhaps I died like that in my past life.

Or maybe it was just my fear of water talking.

I used to dream that my mother was drowned to death.

And three weeks later, she died.

There was no reason. She just…died. Normally.

If you asked me, I’d say it was stress.

She tried so much for both of us.

See, my dad was alive and was around…kinda. But what I’m trying to say is my mom worked like a single mom. She took care of me like a single mom. Everything was on her shoulders.

My father tried to be here.

I have no grudge against him.

I knew since I was three years old that we weren’t his only family. We weren’t his main family.

I knew my mom was the other woman.

Growing up, I tried to be less of a problem to her so she could take care of herself too but she was just so much of a mother and society kept demanding for more.

School, food, clothing, rent, it was al too much for her to hold.

I used to feel sorry for her but I felt more proud of her.

I made myself a promise that if I ever had children, they would never live in poverty.

I’d do anything to prevent that.

Poverty killed my mom.

She was stressed because she couldn’t pay for my fees. She was stressed because she couldn’t pay for the rent. She was stressed because she couldn’t get me a new uniform or pay for my school trips. She was stressed because she couldn’t afford to take herself to the hospital when she fell sick. She was stressed because she couldn’t put food on the table on some days she couldn’t get hold of my dad.

She was stressed because we were poor.

As I stood there and watched my mother being put in an ambulance dead, I promised myself I was going to reach the top.

I was going to make it so bad where everyone would be envoious of me.

Where no one would ever dare to touch me.

I was going to make it in life even if it killed me.

I would be strong, nothing will stray me from my path, nothing…I would make it.

And I did…almost.

It was just one tiny detail which was still standing in my path.

My family.

These fools were holding me back.

See, my family was a patriarchy.

My grandfather ruled the family.

We were all under an umbrella.

His umbrella.

He made all the rules.

Obedience and family were a huge thing in this family.

Like monarchy.

You do something and you’re disowned and it’s a taint on you because they could destroy you in a second.

This family was full of snakes.

See, when my mother died, I needed to come here to get a place to stay.

They were my father’s family.

His main family.

I know, petty of my because my father died before my mother but I needed to do this.

In order to become popular, you use someone popular to get there. Leech on them.

That’s what I did here. I leeched on my father’s family.

I needed to be powerful so I used them to get there.

They’re very influential people in this city.

My aim is to be more powerful than them.

I’ve been treated like shit like all of them growing up but I endured all because I knew I was going to be someone they would be scared of.

They’d pay and beg just to get an audience with me I know.

They’d know the amount of strength my name held soon.

Soon.

I just needed more power.