Chapter 1
*Soley*
There was nothing wrong with the Lunar Coven per se. In fact, after moving in with Koray, I did consider living here to be an improvement upon pack life. There wasn’t a singular leader or a mated pair in charge but three women who held all the power. They ruled firmly but compassionately, like how I’d imagine an actual mother would nurture her family. Beneath the ancient, behemoth trees that towered miles above us, blocking most of the sky from view, these coven mothers were completely dedicated to the witches and menfolk residing here.
My inner wolf and I shied away from authority in general, but at least the leadership here was more approachable. The coven mothers were not violent or physically imposing, being relatively placid human women. Still though, leaders were leaders, and my instincts continued to urge me into going belly-up before them. Noon and I were as unimportant as a pack’s alpha was critical. We were as weak as an alpha was strong. In truth, we were utterly forgettable.
My trudge back to the main coven grounds was lethargic, my legs as heavy as my burdensome thoughts. Coming back was brutal when Koray wasn’t here, and though this place was my home now, it still didn’t feel like it. Perhaps I was still reeling from losing my connection to my old pack. Maybe in time, living away from wolves would feel as right as rain.
As I shyly smiled and skittered past humans going about their daily chores, I considered the weight of my decision. I couldn’t tell if the scale was balanced—living here versus living at the pack. At my old home with the rest of the wolves, I always knew where my place was. Here, I had Koray, but I still didn’t know my purpose. Actually, I didn’t really even have him. He visited on occasion, but he was busy training in the Realm of the Fae, wanting to get stronger in order to protect me. The way things were now, I felt adrift.
To make matters worse, I was periodically yanked from my new home to pursue godly errands. I was just coming back from such a task, and I was utterly exhausted. Muscles that were not used to long hauls screamed for rest. All I wanted was to settle in and adjust, but the Sun God was making that quite difficult.
My pace slowed as I passed fenced sheep and bovine who grazed contentedly in their pens. They didn’t like wolves, so I kept my distance and just took in the scents of sweet hay, animal sweat, and dung. The livestock was healthy and happy here. In fact, I didn’t think I’d ever seen such happy animals. If only I could share in that joy. Even the animals felt like they belonged here.
Booted feet that felt far too flat from the journey carried me down the stone path to the main coven building where Koray and I lived. The coven mothers also resided there, though it was also their main place of work. I figured we were housed there for protection, seeing as how Koray had been abducted from his previous residence in the Lunar Temple. Perhaps that had also been a factor in his wanting to become stronger, to prevent that from ever happening again. Aside from having the key to the Realm of the Gods, he was only a human. It would be hard for him to hold his own against another shifter; even I was a match for his strength. That said a lot…
Like every other time, one of the coven mothers was waiting by the door to greet me. The warmth in her kind eyes seemed real, the waving felt genuine, yet still I feared the truth. The mothers scried to see the future to protect the coven, so I was certain they kept a keen eye on my comings and goings. I just hadn’t figured out yet whether that was done out of concern or distrust. I desperately hoped it was the former, but I couldn’t say that my stay here hadn’t been without some… challenges.
“Welcome home,” the motherly Senay greeted with a smile, ushering me inside the thatched, cottage-like building. I wandered down the hall and turned into a sitting room, going through the motions they always insisted upon when I returned home. Home…
Herded to the couch like a sheep rather than a wolf, I sat on display before the long coffee table and three wingback chairs. To the right was a fireplace, one that never seemed to die, or was never allowed to. My eyes moved back to the table, and one of my thumbs twitched at the sight of a cup of tea, its rosy water releasing swirls of steam. I was still unable to bring myself to grab it before being prompted, so I waited, stuck.
“How many times do we have to tell you that you can just drink the tea?” Mwezi asked, talking around the hand that propped up her cheek. She shifted in her chair and crossed her legs, staring at me expectantly.
“Conditioning isn’t that easy to unlearn,” Luan scolded. “Give Soley time.” She turned to smile at me and gestured to the tea. “That’s for you, Soley. It’ll help with your aches.”
“Thank you,” I replied quietly, nervously, and snatched the cup from the table. I held it close to my chest, always a bit on edge with my resources around people I didn’t know well. The reflex was more obvious to me now that I’d moved away from home. Seeing it in a new light here, it simultaneously embarrassed and depressed me.
I kept a smile plastered on my face as I sipped the tea, feeling like I always received less questions when I appeared content. Unfortunately, that never seemed to make a difference with the coven mothers here. They were endlessly intrusive.
“So, how were your travels?” Senay asked, adjusting her blouse as she returned my smile with a much merrier one.
“I… don’t recall much,” I answered, not knowing why they continued to ask that question every time I came home. “You know the Sun God keeps me in the dark.”
Mwezi snorted and Luan lightly slapped her arm in a reprimand. Either oblivious or doing a phenomenal job ignoring the other two, Senay replied, “Yes, but surely you got something out of the experience. Perhaps there was a pretty bird you saw?”
“Ah…” I hesitated and searched for some kind of reply. Birds were the last thing on my mind when I was away from Koray. Most things were the last thing on my mind. The seconds crawled by, and my inability to find anything to share put me into a nervous sweat. The last handful of days had been just me, the road, and the occasional blank spots where the Sun God took over my body to do His work. Whatever was left from these tasks were mind-numbingly boring things. What did they want to hear about, me picking foxtails from my shorts at the end of a long day of hiking?
That was when my brain shut off entirely, and I hung my head, showing a little of my neck in surrender. They’d forgive me, right? My side of things was so unimportant—embarrassingly so.
“You’re pushing her too fast,” Luan muttered.
I stared emptily at my booted feet and sighed at those words. Pity was really all a runt was entitled to, even in a coven.
“Well, gone for days, you must have been awake at some point,” Mwezi drawled. In my peripheral vision, I spied her shifting once more to lean her face against her other fist. I was making her impatient.
“I w-was…” I started, but was interrupted by Mwezi asking me to look at her while I spoke. I snapped my eyes up to hers and heat flooded my face. It was nauseating to return from submission without spoken forgiveness. It made me feel like I was continuing to do wrong.
I wasn’t in a pack though.
“What would you like to do now that you’re back?” Luan asked, changing the topic with a firm hand.
“I figured maybe I could return to the library,” I offered, then held my breath and waited to see what they’d say about that. The library was quiet. I could stay out of the way until I figured out where I belonged.
“I think Bulan’s still mad,” Mwezi remarked to Senay, who nodded slowly.
“Sh-she is?” My hands were becoming clammier by the heartbeat. Actually, I wasn’t sure if I still had a heartbeat. I felt like I’d just swallowed it. It was probably half digested by now.
I tightened my grip on the cup, worried it was going to slip right out of my claws. What would I do if I couldn’t work in the library? Books were all I knew! That was where I’d ended up in my old pack. I’d tended the books!
“It’s not as bad as Mwezi’s making it sound,” Luan consoled, then shot a dirty look at her fellow coven mother. “Is it?”
“Guess I wasn’t supposed to say that,” the braided mother muttered under her breath and flopped back against her chair in defeat. “I’m trying to light a fire under her t—”
“Why?” Luan snapped and raised her hands. “What’s the rush?”
“So, no interesting birds?” Senay’s sigh melted into a mild smile. The woman didn’t look an ounce as disappointed as she sounded. “Maybe next time, then.”
Mwezi and Luan froze in their arguing, as thrown off-kilter by the third mother as me. I placed my cup down on the table and put all my begging into my eyes to be excused. I couldn’t handle another second of this.
“You must be tired,” Luan said, caving to my pleading face. She rubbed her eyes and gestured to the doorway with the other hand. “Take a nice rest. Get settled, Soley. We’ll chat again later.”
I practically flew out of my seat and out the door, rushing down the halls as I tried to keep tears from falling. I passed witches and menfolk, making sure to avert my gaze too. These were all Koray’s friends, but I couldn’t find it in me to interact with them. There’d been a time where I was better at this, but I’d also known where I stood.
Though I knew where to go, I felt so lost. I reached the hall where I shared chambers with Koray, following his fading scent to where I’d be safe and alone. My claws, out from my anxiety, scraped against the door, leaving faint marks as I scrabbled to get inside before someone tried to talk to me. Worried I’d get in trouble for scratching the wood like that, I swiftly slipped through and closed the door behind me. The inside was ours, but was the outside of the door the coven’s? I tossed my bag onto the floor and trudged toward the bed, fully intent on planting my face in it.
“Awoo…” I sobbed, wishing my beautiful, royal-blue-eyed, black-haired man was waiting on the bed for me. It was silent. He was in another realm at the moment, and I wasn’t invited.
A knock at the door nearly startled the skin off of me, and I yanked it open to find Mwezi looking… contrite? I gawked at her, but before I could say anything, she started speaking.
“I sometimes forget that when I urge things along, some things—well, aside from Luan—would prefer me not to,” she said apologetically and slipped her hands into the pockets of her simple mauve cotton dress. “I find that being direct gets results faster, so other things can be focused on, but in your case, I fear I’ve not… helped.”
“Oh, n-no!” I floundered, putting my hands up and laughing nervously. Leaders shouldn’t be apologizing to me! “It’s ok. Really! I’m just tired. Please, focus on other things…”
Her dark eyes drilled humorlessly into my own. Mwezi seemed to see right through me, but I pushed my smile out extra hard, hoping to put an end to this strangeness.
“I know you just got here, but maybe it would do you some good to visit your friends,” she pondered, pouting a bit as she considered me. “Be with those you trust with all your heart. How long has it been?”
Trust? I swallowed hard, not sure what she meant by that. She wasn’t questioning my pack—I mean, coven loyalty—was she?
“A while,” I squeaked, wiping my soaking palms on the edge of my tunic.
“Think about it. I’d offer you one of our horses, but…” She chuckled and shrugged, knowing horses did not like she-wolves one bit.
“I will.”
My short reply sounded more frightened than I’d wanted it to, but I’d given up on trying to appear strong today. I’d failed. It was just another day of being a runt.
The mother’s face softened, turned somber. “You’re more than just Koray’s mate, you know.” With that, she nodded a farewell and left.
I closed the door and stared at the room. More than his mate? What else would I be? There was no title for what I was.
Let’s go see Rakel and Ragna… Noon, my wolf, whined. I nodded vacantly and plopped onto the bed. If the coven was going to let me slip away and see them for a little while, maybe I needed to do that. I could be myself around them at the very least.
Whoever that was.
***
The sunset-lit entrance to the castle of The Lycan King and The Wolf Queen, basked in orange, loomed before us. The colossal stone structure didn’t look as intimidating as it used to. What actually lurked behind the creaking doors were comfort, coddling, and catering!
“I don’t think my short little legs can take much more of this,” I whimpered to my oldest, dearest friend as she hoisted me onto her back and passed the castle guards.
My legs are even shorter than yours! Noon argued.
But you do have four of them! I protested. I’ve only got the two!
“I know what you mean.” Rakel sighed and adjusted her hold on me as she gave me a piggyback ride. “Losing hours, or even days, is incredibly distressing.”
I wrinkled my nose and mentally bonked myself on the head. After what Rakel had gone through, being kidnapped by Eysteinn to keep the Moon Goddess captive, I never felt like I had the right to complain in front of her. I was just too dratted impulsive! When would I learn?
Her tone turned wry. “I’m glad you’re here though. Our beloved queen has the most wonderful bathhouse here. I use it every day after training.”
“How is that going, by the way?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light and happy. Rakel had lost a lot of weight and muscle mass from her imprisonment, being forced into silver and placed on an aconite mat. Apparently, aconite was a plant that hurt us as much as silver, and I suppressed a shudder at the thought of even seeing one in the wild.
“Slow going,” she replied with a sigh, her booted feet slapping down the stone halls as she marched to our destination. “I tire early, but I think every day is an improvement.”
“You’re not overdoing it, are you?” I asked, giving her gait a dubious look. It was barely noticeable, but she seemed to be favoring her right leg at the moment.
The she-wolf didn’t answer my question immediately, and I gently tugged on her moon-blond hair to get her attention. A tiny, submissive whimper escaped my throat, and she growled in return, not appreciating my pestering. “I’m trying to catch up, Soley. I’ve been out of the ranks for far too long. Being fated to a beta puts a lot of pressure on me to improve.”
“But are you actually being pressured?” I squeaked out as Rakel approached a desk in front of large, ornate double doors. “You know how Rude worships you…”
“Moonlight preserve you, Amalbert,” Rakel said to the lean blond lycan bent over a ledger. She was avoiding my question entirely! “This is my friend, Soley, Vessel of the Sun God.” I winced at the title, feeling like I’d never get used to it. The name made me sound far too important for my own good.
“I don’t think anyone could forget the petite red wolf who almost killed the great Lycan King,” the male mused, his lip twitching as he dragged over a different book; this one looked like a logbook. He wrote both our names in it and tapped the page with the other side of the pen, giving me an appraising stare.
“Th-that wasn’t m-me!” I defended weakly. “That was the Sun God! I w-would never! And it was to bless him with access to the Realm of the Gods! H-he handled it just f-fine…” He hadn’t. He really hadn’t, but someone had to vouch for my innocence.
“An omega hosting a violent god.” The male snorted, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms. “Fate was having a laugh.”
“She’s not an omega anymore.” Rakel growled harshly, triggered by the joke at my expense. I patted her shoulder to calm her. Had this been a decade ago, she would’ve mauled his face. I appreciated how protective of me she was, but I always felt sorry for the people she roughed up for my sake. She’d never understand what it was like to be an omega; we scapegoats were used to discourtesy. It was the old pack way, and it wasn’t like wolves weren’t trying to improve their attitudes.
“Ah, so your alpha already severed your pack link? I hear it’s quite uncomfortable,” Amalbert inquired, brows drawing together in sympathy as he interlaced his fingers and steepled them under his square chin. Rakel hadn’t ruffled him, thank the Moon Goddess! It struck me that perhaps this behavior of hers was expected, and that was concerning. With her periods of depression, I’d hate to think that her old temper was resurfacing too. She’d never be accepted into the upper ranks with it.
“Y-yes,” I rushed out, eager to wrap up the conversation with the chatty lycan. “My mate isn’t in a pack.”
“She’s fated to the Lunar Key of the Lunar Coven,” my friend declared, standing straighter, then she adjusted her hold on me to maintain our balance. I beamed at the pride in her voice. “She enjoys a respected life in the coven. She’s held in high regard.”
Alright, she was going a little overboard there, but hey, I wouldn’t stop her! Also, it wasn’t exactly true. Koray’s return had been celebrated by the coven, but I kept to the shadows, and everyone seemed to be ok with that. I knew covens didn’t have omegas, but I certainly wasn’t going to risk stepping on anyone’s toes!
The lycan made a thoughtful face, like he was drudging up a degree of respect for me. “Don’t you miss being in a pack? It sounds incredibly uncomfortable to be a rogue.”
“She is not a rogue!” Rakel seethed, leaning forward to place her hands on the desk. I swatted her shoulder anxiously to draw her attention away from him. Technically, I was very much a rogue, and though the word had a prejudice about it, I didn’t think the male meant any harm.
I fought the urge to rub my chest. Ragna’s description of living without the pack link had been accurate. There was a dusty hole in my chest where my pack used to be. Though it wasn’t pleasant, there was something liberating about it, but I believed I was the only person in our sub-pack to feel that way—the sub-pack of Ragna, Hekla, Rakel, and me.
“I’m achy, and I think my calf is about to cramp,” I reminded her, though I did it to pacify the she-wolf. If I whined, she’d proceed to take care of me. I tried not to use this strategy too often when we lived in Alpha Erik’s pack, but I had to whenever she got agitated.
“Rogue, packless, whatever,” Amalbert dismissed and waved us toward the doors after storing my little travel bag. “She’s a lovely she-wolf. Go enjoy your soak.”
Rakel calmed after his apologetic praising and strode to the double doors, jiggling my leg to prompt assistance. I reached for the handle and pulled, allowing Rakel to slip us into the steamy hall, and she turned left at a junction to head for the females’ bath.
“Ahhh…” I hummed and closed my eyes for a brief moment to enjoy the humid air. “My pores are happy!”
“Wolf overboard!” Rakel shouted unexpectedly, leaning forward to make me topple off of her. I shrieked just before hitting warm water and plunged beneath the surface. I immediately started doggy paddling viciously to get back to air.
Breaking through the surface, I simultaneously grinned and sputtered at a cackling Rakel. “I’m still wearing my clothes!” I complained as she shucked off her garments and slipped into the steaming water. I paddled to the edge and looked around, marveling at the sight.
The room was colossal! Whatever wasn’t pool was a stretch of stone floor with chairs and tables. Potted plants decorated the sides, evoking a jungle ambiance, and large windows provided both ventilation and a view of a garden.
Other females were mulling about in the water and at the tables, relaxing naked in a fashion most typical for shifters. I giggled as I tried to clear water from my ear. The witches at the coven definitely wouldn’t be comfortable here! Humans were prudes! Oh, it was good to be among moon children again! Moon pups! Lycans or wolves, it didn’t matter!
“This is bliss!” I howled as I struggled to take off my clothes, and Rakel proceeded to swim to a deeper part of the water. She was too tall for the shallow end of the pool, and when I finally freed myself from my tunic and shorts, I paddled awkwardly over to join her. “I can’t believe you get to enjoy this every day!” I bemoaned and clung to the edge of the stone. I was not the strongest swimmer. “The coven has a large, natural pool, but it’s always freezing!”
“Natural?” Rakel asked, then dunked her head under the surface to properly soak her hair. I stared as a petal drifted by, just realizing now that there were herbs in the water too. I took a deep breath and caught the calming aromata, my senses so delighted that I could hardly notice everything at once!
“Y-yes!” I answered when she appeared again, rubbing water from her eyes. “It’s fed by a waterfall. It’s really pretty, surrounded by ferns, and I swear I saw a fish once! No one believes me.” I pouted and dragged my gaze from the runaway petal.
I reached over to grab Rakel’s arm. “Hey! Your tan is coming back! You’re getting quite dark again!” Whoops. I immediately searched to change the topic, knowing she emotionally retreated when reminded of her captivity.
Stupid, stupid she-wolf! I chastised myself.
“I heard this was where the cool wolves gathered,” Ragna’s voice called out from the stone walkway. Saved by The Wolf Queen! I squealed and drummed my palms on the edge of the pool, unable to wait for the brunette she-wolf to join us.
“Ragna!” I cried and tackled her after she slid into the water, her queenly gown abandoned unceremoniously onto a lounge chair. She was the wolf from our little sub-pack who triggered my omega brain the least. Hekla had always been a bit of an alpha before actually becoming one, and Rakel had a dominant nature, which suited the warrior she was… or at least used to be. In her heart, she was!
“Sunshiny Soley!” Ragna said affectionately and mussed my water-tousled hair. “It’s been ages! I haven’t seen you since Hekla’s coronation! How are you?”
“Miserable,” I confessed to her bright green eyes. “I miss my Koray!”
“I know,” she crooned and gave me a sympathetic head pat. I nuzzled into it and absorbed her affection. She always gave her love so freely, and I’d missed it so much. “You’ll see him soon? I still don’t understand why you don’t just go with him when he trains in the Realm of the Fae…”
“Belenus briefly mentioned he didn’t want Koray distracted while he studies,” Rakel reminded her. “I mean, Belenus can’t keep her from visiting, and he definitely wouldn’t, but you know how Soley is.”
Ragna pursed her lips as she studied my pout. “You take words too literally, Soley. Just stay with him.”
I frowned and flicked the water as I maintained my puppyish countenance. “Maybe I should… I am ruining the coven furniture…” I confessed dourly, but I said the second sentence quietly, partially hoping they wouldn’t hear it.
“You what?” Rakel blurted.
“I can’t help it!” I cried, cracking under the nonexistent pressure. I lifted my arms dramatically and splashed the two she-wolves on accident. “I’ll be sitting in the library, reading a book, and then I’ll look over at the couch arm…” I let my shame radiate to finish my sentence.
“You’re shredding the library chairs?” Ragna asked in astonishment, her brown brows raised in a look just shy of being judgmental.
“Sometimes, it’s a pillow…”
“Oh, Soley.” Rakel sighed. “What are we to do with you?”
It wasn’t the worst offense, but I was definitely not telling them about how I mindlessly gnawed a beautiful antique bookmark to splinters. I’d been reprimanded most harshly for that one. Thank the Sun God that the coven mothers were much nicer than any alpha. They’d only made me clean the library daily for a week… all by myself.
“Are you at least making friends there?” Ragna asked, briefly distracted by a she-lycan diving into the steamy water. She turned her attention back to me, blinking expectedly.
“Ehhh…” I responded and rocked a hand in deliberation. “Not really…”
“Why not?” Ragna pressed, giving me a look that was an odd mix of sympathy and disapproval.
“Koray gets a lot of attention when he’s there, but I prefer to stick to the side.” I poked my forefingers together shyly. “My friend is the library, or at least it used to be before I started chewing on it…”
“What?”
“N-nothing!”
“I was hoping you’d outgrown that shyness, Soley.” Ragna sighed and swam over to wrap an arm around my shoulders.
“She’s a lot better,” Rakel defended, crossing her arms over her breasts. “But yes, you should make an effort to talk to people.”
I poked my bottom lip, then shrugged. “I will…” Truthfully, I just said it to get them off my back. “So, I just came back from a vessel mission. Have you done any recently?” I asked her, changing the topic with a fervor that’d challenge the sun’s!
“Recently? The Earth Gods had to use me to talk to a witch and a bat-shifter regarding some issues up north,” she answered with an exhausted sigh. “I’m ever so grateful that Zorian got them to come here.”
“Lucky,” I muttered petulantly. “Noon has to wear her paws raw on our excursions. I had to walk all the way to dragon territory once!”
“Gods.” Rakel made a face. “Whatever for?”
“I don’t know… You know how it is when they don’t let you keep those memories. Fortunately, the Sun God got a dragon to fly me back home… That was terrifying.”
“I do indeed,” Rakel replied wearily. “I’ve had a couple of those trips myself. These gods are far too busy. At least give us the satisfaction of knowing what we’ve helped with.”
Ragna treaded water thoughtfully, then said, “I know what will cheer you up!” Her cheeks, slightly fuller from her pregnancy and the spoiling of a doting mate, lifted in a joyous grin.
What? Noon blurted inside my head, but they couldn’t hear her. Poor Noon had forgotten about the missing pack link for just a moment and went to sulk in the back of my mind.
“What?” I raised my brows.
“Some royal pampering, then I’ll take you to visit Koray!” she announced in a regal tone, beaming at me. I nearly fell over myself and drowned on my way to tackle her again. It was a splashy failure of an attack, but oh, I loved my Ragna to bits!
“All howl the queen!” Rakel crowed, causing the rest of the females in the bathhouse to raise their voices in homage, love, and devotion. It was a howl so unified that even the goddess must be smiling with pride.
