Hard To Find The Right Words

“Grrgh -cough- damn...”

“What... happened…? Light… bubblegum… flying.”

“So cold… roaring wind… then... crunch?”

“Why can’t I... see anything? Some nerve damage… it has to be. Can’t heal it right now. Must get up-”

“Damn, move, legs! Move, head! Move… something? Anything?”

“Damn it. I can’t keep just lying here. Must… get back to my Queen. She could be around. After all, I was close to her before the explosion.”

“Who’s there?! I can hear you sneaking around. You’re breathing like a-”

“Woof woof!”

“Oh, just a dog. Thank the Queen. For a moment, I thought you were a pony.”

“Woof!”

“Yeah, yeah, mutt. I get it. You’ve never seen anything like me before. Now come closer, and let me drain you.”

“Wrrrrrr!”

“Come on, I’m nice. Don’t be scared of the holes, they only whistle in high wind. You sound like one of the small breeds. Those aggressive little toilet brushes.”

“Woof woof woof woof!”

“Good to know I was right. Now come heeeeere. I won’t bite. Heck, I can barely speak.”

“Thaaat’s right, just listen to my slow and calm voice. I’m no threat. You dogs don’t bite what doesn’t move, right? Just a liiiitle closer, I can feel your hot breath on my hoof already. Just stay there so I can turn over and grab-”

“Alright, can’t move at all. Plan B. Stop licking my fetlock, you dirty mutt!”

“Grrrw! Woof woof!”

“Alright, alright, I’m not raising my voice anymore. Queen knows I’m glad at least my lungs still work.”

“Woof woof woof woof.”

“Listen to me, you tiny pile of fleas, because I will keep talking in this slow, deep, non-threatening voice, but if you don’t shut up I promise I’ll tear your throat out as soon as I can move. You see these fangs, the fangs I would be pointing at if I was able to move? My mouth is full of those, and the fact that I feed on love doesn’t mean I haven’t had my fair share of meat.”

“Woof?”

“Eeeeh, I prefer chicken. I had a bit of a pony who got too close to the Hive by accident, and they aren’t too tasty. Physically, I mean. We sucked him dry after he stopped resisting and boy does that feel great. Like a tingle all over, recharging you, and revitalizing you better than any cold bath. But all that was nothing compared to when the Queen chose me to be her bodyguard during the wedding. The love she rewards her best with, now that is something.”

“Woof?”

“I can’t describe that. I just felt like I could take on anything. Ponies, diamond dogs, dragons… we even took the alicorn princess out. All until the damn explosion. Love turned against us, it hurt so bad. The power fueling me, coursing through all my veins suddenly betrayed me.”

“Woof woof woof woof!”

“I don’t know, just imagine a bowl of whatever slop you annoying little squeaker eat flying up and beating you to death. Hmmm, that would be pretty fun to watch. Note to self - after recovery, feed one of those irritating high-pitched dog-wannabes to the wild scorpions. Now THOSE make great pets. Granted, if you screw up once while taming them, you don’t get a second shot. That’s why we make drones do it.”

“Wrrrrrr...”

“Oh don’t get too sour about it. I like dogs… well, I don’t mind dogs in general, just the dumb, pocket-sized ones are a waste of oxygen. Pets are great, they make excellent sources of love. Too bad we couldn’t keep them inside the Hive. Nothing to feed them, see? Shriveled pony corpses work, but even those were pretty rare. That’s why the whole invasion happened in the first place.”

“Woof?”

“What? Did you think we enjoy hunting ponies? Well, we do, or at least some of us do. My role was to protect the Queen, one of the royal guards. I’ve never actually stalked a pony, that’s for infiltrators. I killed those who strayed close or intruded inside the Hive. I even kept a mare once as a slave for few weeks before devouring her. It was my right as the best of the best. But you know, the pet problem all over again.”

“Woof woof woof woof woof woof!”

“What is Paperwight going crazy about?”

“Oh you little piece of crap! I still can’t move. Couldn’t you have given me just few more minutes? I’d have been fine. I am the best, the strongest, the- ”

“Is- is it a changeling drone?”

“Call me a drone again and I’ll decorate my leg holes with your entrails.”

“By princess Celestia’s rainbow mane, it is still alive.”

“I am a very much a ‘she’, not ‘it’, pony. If you call me ‘it’ again, I will do to you what I did to the Royal Guards of your pathetic princess. Normally, I’d consider it beneath me, but you’ll know full well how much of a ‘she’ I am afterwards. Oh wait, you won’t because you’ll be a dry husk! ”

“Mister Start Trail, mister Star Trail! There’s a changeling in the back yard and it is really angry!”

“I’m not ‘it’, you worthless sack of flesh! Oh why do I even bother… can’t move, can’t see, surrounded by ponies who might or might not know about Canterlot... so perhaps I can talk my way out. Or not… whoever that voice was knew about me.”

“And maybe mumbling to yourself wasn’t the smartest idea too, changeling.”

“Who- how? Who are you and why didn’t I hear you arrive?”

“You will be answering my questions, monster. At least if you want to die quickly instead of being ‘interrogated’.”

“Ahahahahaha, how about screw you, pony? You are a pony, right? I’m not making an ass of myself even more, I hope.”

“You don’t look worried, although your shape makes it rather difficult to assess the situation. In fact, you look like a pile of broken chitin, green flesh, and goo. I can see you are one of the top tier changelings from the remains of the belly plate around your barrel.”

“You’re pretty knowledgeable for a pony.”

“The warning message about your kind possibly falling from the skies came through the radio along with some basic descriptions. Including the order for any of your kind to be detained. Of course, if you resist… I doubt you can tell us enough to warrant the trouble of keeping you alive.”

“Was that supposed to be a threat, pony? HAH! You are food, sometimes maybe amusement, but nothing more. You want to wring me for information? Keep dreaming, I am loyal, I wa- AM one of the best, and I will sooner die than betray the Hive.”

“Bravado doesn’t really work when you have no real value to your captor. Now it is you who is the amusement.”

“I AM NOT A TOY, I AM QUEEN CHRYSALIS’ BEST GUARD. HOW DARE YOU- HEY! LET GO OF MY LEG! WHERE ARE YOU DRAGGING ME? SPEAK! Speak to me…?”