Chapter 1: Fake Scenarios and Full Volumes
The real world was just too loud, too sharp, too bright.
For Claire, surviving the day wasn't just about paying attention in class or trying to somehow fit in; it was an extreme sport of boundary management. The second she got out of her front door, into that blinding, exhausting daylight, her fingers would automatically find the smooth plastic of her headphones. Slide them on. Tap the side. Play.
The ambient noise and the harsh glare of the morning — the screeching tires of the school bus, the aggressive chatter of people she had zero interest in knowing, the heavy sighs of her teachers on seeing her with her headphones again — were completely erased instantly. In their place came a beautifully smooth track that makes you feel like you're on the edge of a skyscraper in a Japanese or Korean city right before the opening of the drama or anime.
To the rest of the world, Claire was almost invisible. She wore hoodies too oversized, that the huge sleeves swallowed her hands. She always kept her gaze firmly fixed on the ground or her notebook to block out the bright world. If people thought she was weird, just like they did about Kaye Fierch, she didnt care, because that's what everyone does.
They were living in a boring reality where nothing good literally happened. She, on the other hand, was currently vibing with Boombayah by Blackpink while walking past the school cafeteria.
Back in her classroom, she pulled her oversized sleeves back just enough to grip her pen. Opening her notebook and turning to a clean, lined page. She started writing the names of her idols. As the teacher's lecture flew over her head, Claire was just beautifully writing the people she had the most interest in. "Jungkook, Lalisa, Hwang In Yeop, Cha Eun Woo, Cardan Greenbriar, Rath Roiben Rye, Pip Fitz-Amobi, Ravi Singh..." She casually leaned in to cover the pages of her notebook as the girl sitting in the next row tried to glance over her notebook.
But maybe she didn't realize that the teacher has been calling her name for atleast 5 minutes and is now headed towards her while the whole class is staring at her. Claire looked up as a huge shadow fell over her and just as the teacher was about to taunt her once again, BRRRIIINNNGGGGGG, the bell rang. The curious silence that clearly said "What'll the teacher do to her now?" evaporated and the whole class filled with sounds of dragging chairs, bags being zipped up, loud chatters and giggles and whispers. Claire shutted closed her notebook, put the pen Alex gave her in her hoodie pocket, slide her headphones on her ears, grabbed her stuff and got out of the class, leaving the teacher speechless.
I feel like the latter part is a little rushed, and there are a few wording issues throughout. For example, shutted isn't a word, but you then use closed right after, which works perfectly. Simply removing shutted would fix that line completely.
I also think some of the descriptions become a little overcrowded. For example, you've got *dragging chairs, bags being zipped up, chatter, giggles, and whispers* all happening at once. Trimming that down to just a few key details would likely make the scene feel punchier while still painting a clear picture for the reader.
My biggest piece of advice, though, would be to consider merging this with the second chapter. As it stands, not a lot is achieved in chapter one, and it doesn't quite provide the hook needed to strongly encourage the reader to continue. Combining the two chapters could help get to the interesting part of the story sooner and give readers a stronger reason to keep turning the pages.
Anyway, let me know how you go. I'd be happy to read through a revised version if you decide to take my advice 😊
so proud my lil bunny and sorry for the earlier mistake😅😅loved it and looking forward to more of your writtin ❤PS : I already read it thrice ❤❤💜💜
super🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩