Fleur

Fleur has known me since Primary school. We were friends but never really close. Our friendship group was put together from 6 girls (one of them would be me) who just so clearly hated each other but wanted to stay up in the social hierarchy. That would be us. I hated Primary. I just didn't find myself back than and I happened to roll with the wrong crowd. They were the Queens of this land with Fleur being one of them. I liked to hang with them they were fun but not the quality humour fun. The let's shout some nonsense and jump around like a bunch of crazy assholes ones. I'm sure everyone knows the type of people I'm talking about. The people who run around in the mall pushing each other in a shopping cart shouting offensive shit at people. I know. I used to be friends with those people. There were times when it was fun but I guess my soul was already to old for them with me liking 80's and 90's rock MJ, Bob Marley and David Bowie. And I liked funny jokes too btw. They were not too big on those. Anyways that's where I knew Fleur from. The other 4 girls from our "gang" did not make it to our high school so me and Fleur were the only ones who stayed in the same school. I liked Fleur the most out of all the other girls to be honest she was chill and I admired that. I was always uptight and as I mentioned before, a control freak. So anyways me and Chris were talking about him and his relations to my sister and obviously Fleur was there too being the only one I knew besides Chris. I could instantly see that Fleur liked Chris. Everyone liked Chris and it was so obvious too, I always hated that. So while I was worried the first second that Fleur would try and steal my man the next second I felt the glory and the victory. Chris completely ignored Fleur. He completely ignored everyone when we were talking. He also looked me in the eyes so deep that it seemed like he wanted to stare into my soul. We clicked instantly with Chris. He wrote me the next day:

Him: Hey you!(Me again? is this our thing now? do we have a thing now?) Do you want to hang out after school sometime? You could bring some of your friends too if you want to:) I have some stuff we could smoke;)

Me: Yeah sure sounds fun!!! I'll bring Fleur and Lala(other classmate) meet @the gate?

Him: Yeeeeeeea awsm. Is it ok if I bring O? (other girl from his class we only call her O she has a difficult name to pronounce)

Me: of course:)

And we met after school with the intention of going to smoke at a shisha bar but instead we stopped at the back of a play ground(classic) and smoked some of Chris's shit. We spoke a lot. The only thing I really remember is that he only payed attention to me. Every single girl with us had a huge crush on him and all of them tried to get close to him but he was only listening to me well I'm a really talkative girl so I might also have not let the others talk but that's fine I could feel that they all felt awkward around him. For me if I like a guy a strange defence mechanism kicks in and suddenly I act like "friend girl" who's totttalllayyy fun and cool. that's what I did with Chris and there I knew that he liked me. And I'm not saying it because I Wanted it to be so. It was just so obvious, that he was trying to pick me up.There he also told us about his current relationship. Yeah did I forget to mention? At that time he was in a 1 year relationship with his ex girlfriends best friend. The ex girlfriend travelled to the US to help her father with his cancer and meanwhile Chris screwed her best friend at home. And y do I have a crush on this person you might ask? yeah I wish I could stop this whole crushing thing. I wish I could've stopped at the beginning but we can't choose who we like, have a crush on, hate or even love. After our hang-out, Fleur told me that she called Chris while being drunk a few days later and just told him about some of her problems. I was jealous. Really jealous. But my master plan/strategy was the unavailable mysterious strategy. It consisted of me not telling anybody about my crush and even saying that I hate the guy. If that's not over-doing then I don't know what is. So basically I was and asshole with Chris the whole time because I saw that he liked me and I knew that I had feelings for him which I was not yet ready to face so I covered it up. Flour and Chris becoming friends sure as hell did't help though. I was mad jealous. I can remember asking everyday: Hey Fleur have you talked to Chris today? I wanted to know everything about him and Fleur was more than happy to talk to me about their relationship. It felt more like she was just enjoying that she could rub it in my face. Well it got rubbed in real bad. And I'm a teenager I already have a damaged skin.